I don’t really feel like I am heard now, so to be heard no more will not make a difference. There is absolutely something to look forward to knowing the certainty of it. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it still make a sound? If a person cries out for help and no one hears them are they still in pain? It makes me feel pathetic sometimes that I have to pay someone to listen to me. At the same time, I would choose to not listen to me either so I sort of understand […]
rywa
I feel often as though I’m living in the shadows, the part of the universe that no one pays attention to because it can’t be seen. Or perhaps a better analogy is that I am so dark that light does not reflect off of me. Any intereaction I have with people sputters out because whatever it is they would want to bounce back off of me simply dies when it hits my surface.
I’ve spent so many years legitimately trying to make my life have some sort of meaning or purpose. I have been in counseling for more than 15 years. I’ve seen so many doctors […]
I would never describe my life as a light. I’m not sure exactly when I lost that, likely before I could even remember. I don’t really have any memories from before I was 9. Well, I do remember some things but I just really don’t like to talk about that. I have a few memories of being happy but not many. When I started to make sense of what happened to me I don’t think I ever recovered. Maybe that is when it extinguished.. or maybe when my one friend couldn’t be my friend any more. I don’t remember the last time I felt hopeful, […]
I think that is the path I am heading down. It seems as though everything in my life has pointed me to this… Nothing in my life has ever really made any sense. I’ve worked so hard and for what? What do I have to show for all of this suffering? A meaningless life surrounded by no one.
I can’t keep waking up every morning thinking that today is going to be different. I’ve lived 14,000 days or so… why would today or tomorrow be any different? Why would I think that “today I am finally going to make a friend”. I have had one friend […]
It’s interesting the difference between time and recorded time. Does anything have meaning once people stop recording it?
No one has recorded my life. I will be forgotten even quicker than I arrived. If I died right now, no one would even notice. I’ve always wondered how long it would take someone to find me after I die.
The unexamined life is not worth living. Certainly that applies to me. My life is not worth living. I suppose I do have a therapist that examines my life so to speak, she is at least aware of my existence and my thoughts. I imagine she would notice if […]
This petty pace, how slowly life seems to go when you have nothing to look forward to.
My best days are simply days when I don’t want to kill myself… but are they? At least on the other days I feel something. Maybe that is something to look forward to. When time finally stops and the pain is gone forever.
I’ve wasted my life and that’s okay, I did the best I could have done and it’s all I can ask of myself. I think I’ve made the most of what I was born with.
My therapist says that just surviving is a win but I am not […]
Hello.
I never thought I would find myself here, yet here I am. I’ve been struggling on and off with suicide since I was 12 or so. I am 38 now.
I’m at a low point and I don’t know what to do. I have no friends and no family and frankly don’t see a purpose in continuing to try.
I have tried just about every permutation and combination of treatments. Yet I can’t find a way to even like myself let alone find a way to feel happy.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…