Here the thing with milestones in life….
It doesn’t really affect you most when you hit them but when you look back on them. You know do see how far you have came.
Ages 16- 21 are ‘usually the ages that really curb the future’. But for me, all those years, I try to end my future. No one thinks of after ‘recovery’. When life hits you so hard and you try to fight everything against, what do you do when there is no more fight to be had?
That why most people will ‘relapse’, not because they want to but because that fight and that pain has become their mormal. Just because I do not starve anymore doesnt mean I will ever like eating in public or having me telling im ‘beautiful’ or looking in the mirror.
Just because I dont cut, doesn’t mean I dont need the pain to feel grounded.
I have fix alot of relations because the intensity in my head has decided to tone down so I can see the world better. But sixteen year old me and almost twenty two year old me still face the same issues; wanting to be worth something important.
I am better but I am not ‘cured’.