I’m new here. But I’m not new to the concept. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of cutting. I’m tired of pulling my hair out in frustration. I’m tired of being hated. I’m tired of walking into a room and wanting to run out for fear of people thinking I’m crazy or annoying.
I hate me.
I’m a 19 year old girl in college persuing an astrophysics and math double major. Yeah, I know. Same reaction I get from everyone. “Do you have some sort of death wish!?” If they only knew the truth in that question.
I’m not going to list the reasons that I feel sorry for myself, for everyone here probably isn’t interested in why I hate myself. I just want to state that I do.
I hate life.
I laugh at people who believe in god. Religious people crack me up. Just call me an astrophysicist I guess, but religion is a hilarious excuse for an explanation to the universe. I wish people would take 8 steps back and look at the gigantic picture in front of all of us: there is so much that cannot be explained, and yet it can be explained.Â I’m tired of feeling small. Yes, there are 7 billion of us on this rock, but this is only a rock. OneÂ big rock, in a universe of billions of rocks like ours. We’re tiny and unimportant.
So why am I writing this? I don’t know. I almost feel too unimportant to think anyone will listen. Eh, whatever. Guess I’m just a lonely, pathetic scientist.