Home Author
Author

Serra42

Family & Friends Effects

No Words..

by Serra42
written by Serra42

I cant seem to find words for him…i cant bring my self to ask for anything i want or need..because i have been turned down and hurt so many times before by so many others my mind will not accept that he wont..

when i ask him a question..a serious question that is bothering me.. i know the answer i get is the truth…but i cant bring my mind to trust him.. what will i do if i can never trust him .. how do i get past all this.. i dont want to be alone… i KNOW he will leave me because of my mood swings after long enough.. everyone has..

what do i do..i cant speak..i just get soo angry at myself and he thinks its his fault…its not.. its me.. what do i do..

 

i dont want to lose him..

3 comments
0 Email
General

I Wish..

by Serra42
written by Serra42

I wish that there was someone who understood what this feels like..i wish i could trust..iv been broken by so many.. over and over.. i just cant believe there is anything other than people who lie… is there anyone out there that does not lie and cause pain for there own selfish reasons..they don’t even realize what they are doing..i hope….and if there is someone…one… how would i know?.. i want to have faith in people.. i want there to be someone else like me.. someone who knows…

will i perpetually be in this cycle of pain..waiting for someone to show me its going to be ok..it takes “time” they all say the same thing.. time.. i feel like i don’t have enough time anymore..each moment brings me closer..

it seems strange to me that posting on this forum..or what have you..seems to make it better for one fleeting moment..though when i find myself out of words..that moment is gone and i am left again with only… pain.. sorrow.. despair..mistrust.. fear..

how many times do i need to walk this path?..and is this the last one?… if i knew it would go on again and again could i do it?…could i end it..

do we live this life of torment only to die in a blaze of pain and fire…fade to black..then nothing..

is anybody out there…

3 comments
0 Email
General

I want to fade away…

by Serra42
written by Serra42

This time i thought everything was ok..i thought it was all going to be better…but here i am again..scared of everyone that looks at me..wondering what the hell they think…thinking they think i am insane… am i insane? i feel like everyone is watching me all the time..watching what i do… judging me..my logical mind knows this is not true..people have so much more to think about in the day..not everything is about me..but why is that how i feel..why do i feel like they are all judging me for every action i take..no matter how small… good or bad..

i feel like everything i do or think..or how i act is why people look at me..do the things they do..say the things they say…why cant they just do things without caring how i FEEL…why does anyone even give a shit..

why do i feel like im letting everyone down constantly..i cant do anything right and i cant stop this spiral from going out of control over and over again..i hit bottom and somehow i am back at the top screaming..wishing i could stop…

i just want to curl up in a ball and disappear..i don’t want to keep feeling like they are all after me..i just want things to fade away..to be quiet.. i don’t want anyone to think about me…just leave me alone and let me rot…i am not the only one that exists in this world..why should the breath i take matter..

i cant even do anything that’s worth …anything.. at least that’s how i feel..

i just want the world to fade away…i want darkness.. silence..i don’t want to hurt anymore..

0 comment
0 Email