I have destroyed my life. There is no one to blame but myself for the pain I am in. The tiny flicker of hope I had is fading and I’m afraid if it goes out, there will be catastrophic consequences. I’ve done so much wrong in my life, I have hurt my soulmate to the point our relationship is dissolving, and now I wait to see if the flames of hell will engulf me. The pain is more than I can bear. I am a monster of my own making. Poison to everyone I love. I have no more strength left. There is no one to listen, no to comfort or care, I am alone. There is nothing left to do but wait. Are these my last days in existence? Very possibly. My heart is broken beyond repair. I am so close to giving up. My method is ready. I was afraid, I still am, but I cannot go on like this. Despair is taking over. It is just a matter of time now.
Is anyone else suffering completely alone? I have alienated everyone who cared about me and I’m on the precipice. There is a tiny glimmer of hope I am holding onto but I fear it is only a matter of time before it is extinguished and I will fall into the pit of absolute despair. Anxiety is consuming me daily and nightly to the point I feel physically ill. I am constantly swaying between trying to be strong and hold on, and feeling completely hopeless and forsaken. I have no support system and I can’t cope with how I am feeling. I am terrified to live with the devastation if the tiny light of hope goes out, I can’t do it, I can’t bear it, it hurts too much and I can barely think straight anymore, I am so overwhelmed. I don’t know why I am posting this, I guess I am hoping someone reaches out to me or can give me some advice or encouragement to keep going. Thanks for reading if you got this far, I know it’s a lot.