I haven’t been an avid writer on this cite, I haven’t been able to make any relationships with any of you, and I know this cite is to relieve oneself from the frustration of that constant feeling of undying depression, but I just wanted you all to know how thankful I am for all the help you have given me. Because even though you don’t know me, talked to me or even commented on anything I’ve posted, I have read your stories and I don’t feel alone. It’s been 7 months of suicide-free euphoria! Nothing has changed in my life, and if anything going through my final year of high school, stress has been at its peak, but one day I woke up and everything was bearable. I was happy. I am happy. I know that this may not last, but I’m trying to commit this feeling to my memory, so in the awful chance that I fall into that pit of depression I can find a pocket of light and remember now. All I know for sure is that I couldn’t have gotten through the pain without this cite and everyone who contributes to it. I’ve been thinking about all of you out there who hate their situation right now, and are questioning why you’re on Earth, and wanted you to know that you saved my sanity and my life, and for that I am forever grateful. I hope that, even though its only been a few months, I am an example that its possible to feel good, to just wake up and randomly forget about all the shit that life has doled out to us, because I truly believe that all of you deserve happiness. So I just wanted to thank you all for thus far, and hope it lasts for a long time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I keep starting and deleting everything I write. I try and articulate how I’m feeling and what I feel I need to do but I just can’t. It’s not so much that I’m insecure, mostly just that everything I try to explain doesn’t come out right. Writing has never really been my strong point. I really need someone to talk to but there really isn’t anyone here (not the site but where I live). I tried to open up to my mom but she’s was so oblivious to what I was trying to tell her. And I can’t really blame her because she is going through so much in her life; from my dad cheating on her, my little sister having learning difficulties and my older sister – who is a constant worry after recovery from anorexia two years ago. I used to confide in this one girl, but even though she says I can trust her I know that every time I tell her something to do with me being depressed and suicidal she feels awkward and avoids me. I don’t know what to do and I recently started cutting again. I’ve never really done it but in the last four days I have made five cuts all along my left arm. I’m just want to talk to someone. I can’t explain how great this site has been for me but I’m just finding it difficult to explain everything I’m feeling right now. I guess I just don’t know what to do from here… any ideas? Maybe I’ll just see how things go if not I’ll just have to give writing another try – sorry for the hassle
I just joined this site today. I am turning 17 in April and in the last four years I have had five attempts and the thought of dying burdens me everyday. It has taken over my my entire being, and I know its not what I want but when you feel something so strong and so often how can it not be the right thing? I know I’m weak so I hate myself for drawing attention to something I don’t even have the courage to do. I just don’t know what to do, and there hasn’t been anyone to talk to. I found this site and I just thought maybe talking to someone that is going through what I am would be good.
Music blares into my ears
lost in a sea of thoughts
The waves crashing into each other
cutting sentences off midway through
I can’t breathe, and I hate swimming
I try to yell for help but all that comes out is a whisper
It’s unlikely anyone will hear it
surrounded by beach day fun
The reality is, I’m not too far from the shore
Treading on the edge of the shark net
I look capable
How does one get so far out – if not a good swimmer?
I decide to sink to the bottom
Maybe I’ll find some sunken treasures
Maybe the darkness will help me
escape the waves