It doesn’t matter if you die! Unless you’re the president or some hot shot movie star, no one is going to give a shit. And I’m not saying that to make you sad, I’m doing it to tell you that no matter what happens the only people you’re affecting are those who may actually care, and yourself. If I killed myself now, it’s not like the world is going to suddenly be peaceful, and the Taliban will just never show their faces again. No, in reality it doesn’t matter if you die. Yeah, go ahead. Go cry over it. Or think, if I could die without changing the world, what could I do while I was alive? Look, I myself am not completely suicidal. I get really sad sometimes, and it hurts so bad I just want it to stop. But, I’d never kill myself. Aside from that, I know people who have. And somehow, everyone around me moves on. Did you ever think that maybe the only reason we think this way is cus we feel this way? No one else is suicidal here, and all of them have gotten over deaths. I, on the other hand, am too cowardly to die but wish to sometimes, and I get upset all the same. And you know what? I know more than most people. I can look at someone and tell you what they’re thinking. I can tell when two people like each other when the whole world doesn’t see it. I can tell you if a person is cutting, and if its the real deal suicidal shit. Sometimes, I think this isn’t a bad thing that I get so sad. In fact, the way I see it is that I need to stay around to read people. If I’m not here, who’s going to help with other’s problems? Who is going to read the people around here and let everyone know their true colors? Sometimes, I think its a gift. Rethink your suicidal ways… Maybe, we can all become friends in the end and just forget about dying…
Starry Eyed Loser
I hate my ass hole of a brother. He kicks the kids around, tells everyone to shut the hell up, acts like he’s the fucking king… My mom seems to believe that everytime I’m upset or something it just /has/ to do with her. Yeah, I don’t wanna move. But did she ever think that the fact my brother was threatening me was possibly upsetting? And that she didn’t do anything was awfully bitchy of her? I hate it here. I hate the kids at school, the people at home… I’m just too much of a coward to die now… I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. Everytime it gets better it gets worse, knocking me right back down to where I started. I remember one time when I was sad in first grade, the teacher told me: “It’s okay. It always gets better.” I believed her for years… Fifth grade came, and suddenly I realized… Nothing would ever get better. Freshman in highschool and still, nothing is better. I fucking wish I could just run away forever…
Damn, for suicidal and or depressed people you sure know how to act like fucking morons.
Not all of you- Most of you can turn away now.
No, this is to the people that act like fucking asses on my posts, saying things that if I was in a bad enough mood would kill myself over.
This is to the people that say their life is so terrible yet they have time to sit on here and post shit about how they hate an ONLINE USER. FUCK YOU ALL!
You fucking morons don’t even belong here. I want you to comment here and tell me what gives you the fucking right. Tell me what the hell it is you deserve from this site. You don’t deserve the help we offer, the space to post, you don’t deserve to even live you worthless pieces of crap. And if any of you goody-goodies out therte wanna start shit about this, go for it. But if those “bad asses” really have something to be here for, I’d love to hear their pitiful story.
One person stopped emailing me after what I’m guessing was an attack of depression and no doubt suicide soon after. Now no one will tell me what the hell happened to my other friend who has tried committing suicide more than once. Why the hell!? Fuck you all. What the hell is the point of a friend if they deny you your friendship, they act friendly, piss you off, and then DIE!? What. The. Hell. Why the hell do I never make friends? THIS is why!
I met someone on this site. I don’t know their username, I don’t know their real name, only their email. And today, they emailed me: “This is the last email you will be getting from me.”
I love it how people can come on this site and share their life story with us but still judge us by our posts. WTF DO YOU KNOW!? I may not be telling everyone everything on here. You don’t even know me and you’re JUDGING me by the first few posts you find? If you really understood and could “relate” then maybe you should shut your god damn mouth and let us be. YEAH, LIFE IS REAL FUCKIN BORING. How the hell do you know that’s the only reason some of us are hurting, dying inside, etc. What the hell do you know about us that we haven’t told you? Nothing. Why don’t you take a nice long look in the mirror before you judge us, you ass holes. Yeah, I post stupid shit sometimes about MY Tenma, and I am too afraid to commit suicide. But you know what, this site isn’t about me planning on committing suicide. This site is about suicide prevention and advice. You know what? Some girl ruined my fucking life and nearly got MY MOTHER taken away from me. She lied to the school and said that my mother beat me, which she does not. I cried for hours as the school interrogated me and shit. My dad hasn’t seen me in quite sometime, and honestly sometimes I forget I even HAVE A FATHER. At school, everyone makes fun of me and the one person I got along with began ditching me for FUCKING DRUGGIES and WHORES who like to call me a, and I quote, “Stupid fucking emo.” I HATE THE WORD EMO! IT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE!!! I can’t make my feelings of hate and ever lasting thoughts of death go away. I can’t. I’ve been to counseling and shit, and you know what? I’ve had people die in my family, commit suicide, self mutilation, etc.
I don’t really give a shit if you think my life is “depressing” enough to be here. I need some FUCKING help, and I’m going to fight for that shit until you ass holes (the judging ones) learn your freaking place. All my life I’ve been looking for somewhere to fo with all of my hatred and shit, and when I find one I’m STILL judged!? What the hell is that!? If you “understand” this site at all, then you’d know that we’re all here to help and be helped.
DAMN I’m hungry. Ramen.
I can’t do regular schooling, so I’m doing online school. But see, here’s my problem. If I do that, I already know that I’m going to lose all of my friends. The guy I like won’t be around. And not just that, but I only have three years left of school. I have no time left to be…what I am. My mind is in so many different places, robotics, being a robot, aliens… But its not on school. I’m going to fail more at life in the next three years than I ever will. I hate my life, I hate myself, I my decisions, and I truly hate age. Why can’t I be little forever? Like Tobio? And where’s my dad fighting to the finish for me…? My dad doesn’t even see me anymore. Let alone love me.
Why can’t things just go back?
I’m growing up way too fast…
I started laughing really loud on the way home from school today, I was happy because my shadow reminded me of Tenma! He wears a trench coat that wooshes out, and when the wind picked up I looked like that in my shadow. xD Some guy got mad though, he was walking behind me when it happened.
Other than that, I lost the only person I talk to about..well, anything. Looks like it’s back to being all alone and shiz.
So, I was watching the 2003 version of Astro Boy and haveÂ fallen in love with an anime character. You know why? They always love you, never leave you, and they never ever aren’t there for you. Dr.Tenma… He’s something. Everyone tells me I’m stupid, but I found it quite fun to say I love Tenma. Even I don’t know if its really love, but I do know that it keeps me happy and stuff. <3
“Oh, feel better WINK WINK. I’m probably one of those obnoxious preppy whores you see every day at school, yeah, the one with the low cut shirt and horribly annoying voice that taunts you even when I’m not around!”
And you too Mr. “This site isn’t like it used to be!” NO DUH. NOTHING is like it used to be. Get the fuck offÂ if you don’t like the fact that sometimes, you can’t just focus on the suicidal kids/people. For once in my life I actually feel at ease. The stuff I tell you here is stuff that only you know- A secret.
If my one place of true happiness is going to be invaded by morons, I’m afraid I’l have to fight for my fucking territory.
Not sure if I’m the alone one here keeping myself alive not only by partially being a coward (no offense intended) but also by thinking: “What if aliens land tomorrow?” Sometimes, I’ll be sitting in my bed with a knife, thinking about how nice the pain would feel again. No, not the reaction afterwords, the pain in general. But then I think, what if that really cool demon from hell comes and decides he loves me? I immediately put the knife down. What if ninjas abduct me? I can’t run while losing blood. Or, I’ll never be great psychonaut if I can’t even get over my own “Personal Demons”. Am I the only one?
Sometimes curing class, if I can’t stand the situation I’m in I imagine someone is with me. Like Razputin, or Atemu. I’ll pretend they’re talking to me and helping it through- It’s really hard for me to separate them from real people aside from their crazy hair styles or the fact that they don’t fit in.. Like me.
Once I came to school dressed like a ninja, and when people started making fun of me and laughing I imagined me and my ninja friends beating them up and pulling their eyes out and stuff…
Am I the only one?
I always wake up to wonder if what I THINK I dreamt was real or fake, or maybe a little bit of both, or may its neither… I can’t go out into the public without freaking out, becoming something that I have grown to know as myself. I can’t sleep at night, so I’m tired in he morning. I start to play movies of me flying down a hill, hitting to solid ground hard, and rolling down it. Once I was really not having a good time. I had broke down crying at my locker at school, causing a major panic to some-what nice people, and laughs to others. I had later that day proceeded to take a pencil, put it on my arm, push into my arm as hard as I could at the time, and drag it down. It didn’t even hurt me, even though it bled and left a lot of marks. And then..I was betrayed in my moment of weekness. Hurt… /touched/. No, not the teary eyed happy touch, I mean the physical BAD touch… I’m only 14…
I wonder this a lot. Well, a boy who was like a brother to me got arrested for drug possession and resisting arrest. I might be kicked out of RSA (An art school). I seem to have this constant feeling of either being completely emotionless or angry… My friends seem to think its nice befriending people who call me a cutter and such, and an emo (which means emotional and I am not.) (Nor do I cut.) Sometimes I think I should though… Today I got put by the annoying guy who is shorter than I am (I’m 4′ 11″) and all he did was swear and steal crap from people. I wanted to strangle him, then he said: “Oh go cut yourself.” So I called him a stupid bastard. I seriously hate high school, whether I pass or not I’m leaving the soonest I can. My mom may be making me move to the outskirts of a few towns over and it’s all country. Good? No. New school = New enemies. That, and when I don’t know people I freak out and can’t breath right and such. Recently suicide has come to mind, and I wonder how I’ll do it. I always get a little better THEN WORSE than I was the last time. I just keep going down, never able to get up… : / I just want some peace….
I never seem to have a good day. All of my “friends” here seem to think its up to me to make every choice and shiz. If I wanna do something I have to speak up. And sometimes, it seems like they just use me for how I feel. : / I don’t want to put my whole life story on here, but a friend that I could talk to and stuff would be great.