My mindset hasn’t changed since January, I still envision myself not existing anymore but I’ve gained more sorrow because I’m around my family more. It gives me guilt, makes me feel so selfish. For once I just wish I could envision being where I feel is home and building the life I’ve missed out on. I wish there was nothing wrong with me and I wish I was strong enough for my family and for my husband. I want to be better. Its almost, December.