For the past 3 days and many more to come, my days have been a blur. My best friend’s; my brother, but support system, my everything, mother took their life. The mom has been sick for a long time, and this wasnt her first attempt. Knowing that, i thought, “how could the family not get her help sooner than before it was too late?” then i realized, the woman wouldnt accept the help that the family gave her and that wasnt the right path for her. The way she did it was the way she wanted to. The way it would take her life and not have to suffer.
I do know how it feels to be suicidal. starting in middle school, i had severe depression, ocd, and bipolar disorders. I attempted 9 times to kill myself. But something stopped me everytime. I do know in someways how she feels. But, she had a family that she was supposed to help hold together. She has a beautiful husband and children that she has left.
Now, the responsibility to keep my best friend together is all mine. And if i cant even help myself because i have to help everyone around me, how am i supposed to get better and deal with this? I know it shouldnt be about me, and i am not trying and dont want it to be about me. My best friend will not accept anyone else right now to be in his life. It has only been a few days since it has occured, but i can not see him going through this al0ne. I know he doesnt want to be alone, but thats what he is asking for. I dont know what to do, and all i am doing is trying to be the best i can be in the situation and to help guide him in the right direction. Reality is what he is fearing now. Rest in peace mom, you really were my second mother. I love you and will always and forever more.