Just now getting the chance to read your comments and they were very very beneficial to my circumstances, I feel that I need to do it for some reason. I guess to prove a point that just resulted in me throwing up in two of my classes. This website has been a safety net for me since I first found it, even though I just started posting on it. Ive been up here for a while, just lurking in the shadows but it feels like I actuallly have a voice and people take the time to listen to what I have to say. Even though the odds of us all meeting are very much slim, I consider you my family. You take the time to reach out to each other and to try understanding what the person next to you is going through. If only people in the real world were actually like this instead of just through an computer screen or phone screen. I love you all.
I tried, and it didnt work. Of course it did’t or I would not be typing this right now. The pills rejected out of my body and resulted in me throwing up everytime I felt dizzy. Try #2 soon too come.
I keep bullshitting on the subject, but i think im finally going to go threw with it. After the bell rings to go to the next period, Ill step into the bathroom and take all the pills that I have with me at this moment. This will be my first ever attempt but I cant help but feel guilty about it. I have 3 friends that love and care about me, when theres something wrong with me, they automatically baby me up. I hate it so much because, it feels like a pit in my stomach that I shouldnt do it for their sake. If they knew how unhappy I feel, they would understand why I would choose todo this to myself. I reached out to my boy best friend tyler before making the decision of trying my first attempt. He ended up telling one of the other two people that are so close to me about it and one of them came to the bathroom where I was crying at to try and help me. But I hate when they baby me, it just makes me want todo it even more. Ive bared this type of feeling for way too long and need to get this shit over with. My mother has me going to a therapist and feels that its going to help get these terrible feelings out of my head. Sometimes I do feel better but other days I just want to crawl under something and die. I dont know how successful this will be, but you’ll find out sooner or later. As people say, I may be doing this for attention but I promise that all I want todo is get the pain out of my heart. My father did it, so why shouldnt I?
Hey first time posting up here, never had the gutts to make a page. But that all changed today during second block in school. Don’t really no what to write, I guess inspiration needs to strike