i wonder why everything is such a struggle for me. i am tired, you know. i think i’ve had enough. i’m 39 and i am a loner that is alone, don’t even have someone else to want to live for or feel guilted into living for. parents dead, no family, no siblings, no spouse, no children, no friends, no job, no energy, no hope. i pretend that i live a life that i want or at least something approximating it. in other words, i lie. i make things sound good, far better than they are, even to myself. most of the time i pretend […]