Nothing ever changes. Nothing ever gets better. There is almost nothing I can think of that could happen to make my life feel like it’s worth living, and the few things I can imagine seem unattainable. I’ve tried so many times to find a way out of the loneliness, the isolation; to find a sense of purpose so that I could feel like my life is worth something. No matter what I do, I always end up back here again, fantasizing about my heart giving out in my sleep so I simply would not have to wake up in the morning. Or of finding some […]
Author
triedtoolong
I’ve been visiting this site more and more often over the past few months. I know it’s a signal that I’m in yet another downward spiral, but as usual, I have no idea how to break myself out of it. I can never really manage to do that. Not completely. I’m what the therapist I’m seeing calls “passively suicidal” — I don’t have an immediate plan, but I think about how I’d rather be dead than alive, and possible methods for actual suicide, should I get back to the point of wanting to make an attempt, every day, over and over again. When I’m walking […]