Absolutely horrible things happened to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a life, every time I think life can’t get any worse, life proves me wrong. I don’t know how much more I can take. There is no way to fix some of the damage that was done to me and everything seems kind of pointless. The whole world seems to be against me, it basically wants me to die and go to hell. I make enemies everywhere, I have no idea why. I even asked some acquaintances if they thought if I was a bad person or something and they all said I am one of the nicest person they met. Some even complimented my looks. Then why do people hate me for no reason? I can’t make a single friend to save my life. I am struggling just to stay alive and live another day. I live on less than 1 dollars per day and I am dirt poor with no job and mental disability. Can’t a single good thing happen to me? I wish I was never born.
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My past is full of horrible memories. I am mentally disabled and many people took advantage of that. Many people did absolutely horrible things to me, such as sexual abuse and bullying and got away with it. I wasn’t even aware what was being done to me. Now I am older and understand how things work, I just can’t let go of the things that happened to me. I deeply hate the people who did this to me. There is no way get back at them and that’s why I have cptsd. I am in deep emotional pain and stress.
This stress is fucking up my heart. My heart is about to give up, I am living with a resting heart rate of 100 bpm for 1 year. Doesn’t matter if I kill myself or stay alive, I am gonna die anyway because of my heart. I really wish the concept of God or Karma was true, but it isn’t. I just can’t believe these people will live their lives without any consequences. I wish I was never born.