Just because you can speak endlessly forever about anything, doesn’t make the talk any less cheap. You are nothing but abusive and feigning support, but pitching all these false messages, fairy tales, and hokey pokey consolations. Stop making things worse than they ought to be. It seems there is no intelligent piece in my puzzle. We can’t be having this morbidity. Your problem is you and that’s your problem, ain’t nobody else’s problem, when you’re the problem. So you always gotta make it a problem. Ain’t nobody’s problem but your own. I don’t want to get no problems. I don’t want no problems for you either., but if you were a guard at the borderlines, i’d probably just punch you in the face if you were blocking my view of the sun. I’m just sayin. And ain’t nobody gonna be there n fix your problems 4 you. If you are mad. Maybe we all need to calm down, relax, and take a break! From all the meaningless trouble, drama, and Racism. I think I need a tequila. Tequila makes my clothes fall off.
Cause of Death: Suicide
I’ve been planning to commit suicide for 13 years.. I just found out I don’t currently have a Life Insurance policy. I read Life Insurance has a ‘Incontestability Clause’ where you can not get benefits unless they don’t commit suicide until holding the policy for more than two years. And some policies have a Suicide Provision or Clause where if the death is suicide, you will not get anything.
Does anyone know any good life insurance to acquire in America that will pay off for suicide? I don’t particularly know if I can wait out two years, I’ve been ready to commit suicide for the last 7 years. I want to commit suicide now, but I owe 17,000$ on a car… Now that I am forced into unemployment and can’t make any further payments on the car , I just want to make sure that my beficiaries can pay it off when I die.
I worked 5,214 hours in the last two years and the sheriffs office stole every penny I made from me in twenty minutes. I didn’t even do anything. The work was very physically demanding and sapped every amount of strength I had from my body. I was also raped on my birthday this year. I decided last night I am going to commit suicide, I just have to do what I said I would do and finish my music first. Don’t know why I am being stalked obsessively.. The police had attacked me at gunpoint earlier this year after some teenagers told me their condoms broke, they held 6 machine guns to my head, as they stole thousands of dollars from me. He appeared a heavy terrorist from Iran in physical appearance. Two police had raped me in 2016. I gave them 15,000$ in 2016 because of this. I’ve been a mute since I was raped when I was 9 years old. 2 years ago, someone forcefed me shit.
Um. What can I say.
You’ve just been rick-rolled
2 of my rapists came back to me in a dream. It was very disturbing. So I gashed a chunk out of my head with a metal pole.
How is there a universe created? How is there planets? How is there Earth and forest and ocean? How are there whales? How is there sea creatures, random like urchins? How is there monkey, giraffe, bear, elephants? Do they make animals in a lab? Why do some people think humans come from ape when rhinos didn’t come from hippopotomus or dolphins probably didn’t come from fucking whales? Why are there such incredible differences between species of animal? There is more of a difference between different types of animals but plants have less of a difference still variation but not as drastic as say the difference between a giraffe and hippopotomus. How do human and animal very first begin to be brought to life? How did they form out of nothing? How did they form organs? Why do lungs, heart, brain function like they do?
First off, why did even planet form at all! and where did all the gases and chemicals come from? How could it have started from NOTHING AT ALL! How come there are other universes in different galaxies with different planets that we can’t reach? Why is there a stratosphere that we can’t cross? Why is there a church and a bible? What is the first book ever written?
How could even a first human be formed? How could a human be born without a prior womb to grow from? Why are humans more intelligent than other animals? Why did birds form? Why is there different eye colors? Why is there life at all on Earth? WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THOSE OTHER GALAXIES!!!
I read some of origin of species but it never answer my questions very well.
Do you think this life is real? What could happen after death if life itself is miraculous and inconceivable? Anything could happen. I had an idea that you fly out to another galaxy and then you start a different life form. I had a vision once that your soul is kept in a little box until it is released to a different world. Which would have to be inside this same entire universe because there couldn’t be anything else outside the conceivable universe? But not in this galaxy! on another planet in a different galaxy. Of course there is other strangeness in different galaxies that is alive because life is easy to create I suppose with it being so easy to maintain even when not wanted. It should be very easy to die with how simple life is created in a snap of a finger. Is why I think that there has to be much simplicity in forming such diverse species but it just looks complicated.
Life must not be incredible because it is so easy to stay alive if it were really that incredible you would have to work so hard to maintain it. You don’t even have to try to live you just do!! What I think is that maybe the creator wants to communicate but it cannot speak our language so we cannot hear it. Maybe he will speak if we listen. Maybe he can speak in the weather. Maybe the creator was just a drop in the ocean.
Dying is just as easy as living there is no work to it at all.
I was thinking maybe we are created in. Factory as some robotics
“Maybe the world is another planet’s hell. – Aldous Huxley”
Stumbled across this the other day.. at first it didn’t seem like so much but then the beat picks up around 6 minutes or so, and it might just be the best instrumental riffs I’ve ever heard. I’ve bought the album and this is the last song on it for a reason. The album is The Stage and definitely one to check out for music lovers. You will not be disappointed. Not to mention a soliloquy of the worshipped Neil DeGrasse Tyson to end it all of. Listen up and tell me how you feel on his sermon.
A wilted Antherium in the noon-day Sun
Always traveling at the ‘Speed of Light’
Absolute Fucking Zero
The Big Break
It was quite the thing to see
From Riches to Rags
Heart in the Wrong Place
Age of Technology
Burning a hole in my pocket
Drop it like ‘The Dow’
Hostage to the State, ‘In Vein’
Sadism and Masochism
A Sick, Strange World
Destroyed Youth, Forced Oppression
Faking It Every Day
The Muck and the Mire
A Puppet on a String
All Wheel Drive, Full Throttle
I Hear the Traveling Circus!
I Stumble into a Sarcophagus
And Bury The Hatchet
Of The Fretful Countess
The Haunted Estates
Of a Supernatural Apparition
The Non-Entity of a False Witness
Endearing Reflection exemplifying
A Listless Dejection
After the Atomic Bomb
A Quarantined Contaminant
I am the Last Man Alive
A Sordid Ghost, To No Avail
Distressed and Skilled to Possess
Genocide on the Horizonless Sphere
The Demotivated Abduction of
A Pericardium’s Muscle
This Copper Cloud reminds
An uproarious Ceremonium
Dedicated to Mustard Gas
Miasmatical in the Trenches
Always Ringing at the ‘Speed of Sound’
Absolute Fucking Zero
Something that is it’s own cause – a term traditionally applied to God
Funny because that is indeed relative to my name. Just a little fun trivia here.
Causa sui (Latin pronunciation: [kawsa s?i], meaning “cause of itself” in Latin) denotes something which is generated within itself. This concept was central to the works of Baruch Spinoza, Sigmund Freud, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Ernest Becker, where it relates to the purpose that objects can assign to themselves. In Freud and Becker’s case, the concept was often used as an immortality vessel, where something could create meaning or continue to create meaning beyond its own life.
Norman O. Brown, in his masterpiece, Life Against Death, argues Sigmund Freud‘s Oedipal complex is essentially the causa Sui (father-of-oneself) project where, after the traumatic recognition that we are separate from the mother; that we are ‘other,’ we seek for reunification with the mother.
In traditional Western theism, even though God cannot be created by any other force or being, he cannot be defined self-caused (causa sui) or uncaused, because this concept implies the Spinozian pantheistic idea of becoming, which contrasts with the belief of scholastic theology that God is incapable of changing.
Changing implies development, and since God is to be considered the Absolute Perfection, there is no further need to change: he is the so-called actus purus or aseity. Instead, the recent process theology inserts this concept among the attributes of God in Christianity.
So I guess in searching for a meaning, my suicide would be in this format “a cause of itself”
Deby says: “Picture a mountain. Lofty Peak. Slope. Trees. Plateau. A beautiful, large mountain with a snow base.” You are beyond words in this meditation. But you still have words. “I hate this mountain.” – Not every one.
You are a mountain. You suddenly have no words. You change as a mountain within season, survival renders as light or as darkness. Our lives change, but the mountain remains amidst the universal web. The weather has no personality yet is as much invisible as the next galaxy.
“You are a beautiful blanket of seasonal colours.” You only live once. True/False?
You are a Tweaker. Bugs are crawling on your skin. Are you tripping, Man? Life is on my drug. The universe takes one with me. Mountains take a dump into a reservoir as I take mine with a grain of snow. I like the chemical brain.
The Bible. That is, the ability (capacity) to understand it.
Preston’s Pills. Phillip’s Almighty Cocaine Friday. The Beaten Bush. The Middle Path. The Grey Matter.
– Human life is 6,775 years –Beginning in 4717BC (YEAR 1 of Julian Day)
-25 March 5492 BC begin AD (ANMO MUNDI – “Year of Our Cord” (YEAR 1)
-23 October 4004 BC marks Day 1, on the calendars.
-So something that happened 4500 years ago happened in 2500 BC (Pyramids built)
-Today Nov. 4, 2018 is Julian Day 2,449,586 (6,711.2 Years of Julian Calender)
-Current population is 7.7 Billion
-Population growth is 1,143,281 people a year since the beginning of man est. 2018. (Current quota)
-Meaning 2,286,562 parent (i.e. Persons copulating a year -man & woman-)
when do WE want it? NOW.
-117 billion are said to be dead, Becoming that prior to 1900, we would have lost 100 years
-6,675 years total to have spawned 117 billion (Satan)
-Which equates to 17,528,089 (parents, I.e. persons copulating a year = 35,056,178) human born a year (of course that is retrospective as an average) therefore teetering off to 1, 143,281 as they are weak and transient and die as fast as you can snap your fingers.
Of course there is the equation of gradual growth and the multiplication factor assuming that it began with
Christ 4 BC
Adam 4004 BC
Seth 3874 BC
Enos 3769 BC
Cainan 3679 BC
Mahalalee 3609 BC
Jared 3544 BC
Enoc 3382 BC
Methuselah 3317 BC
Camech 3130 BC
2513 EXODUS OF JEWS (21 Jews)
Pangea – 200 million years ago
They still wonder about life having significance. I say try to look back to 4004 AD and you tell me what the hell happened then ..and why the hell is it still happening?
The universe is 4,543,000,000 years. Dinosaurs existed for 175,000,000 years – 68,000,000 years before human-kind. Whales have been around for 50,000,000 years around 2,000,000 whales and are bigger than dinosaurs.
I just wonder when and how did man build the solar system?
How do they put the ‘Pretty Pictures’ behind your eyes??
Category: Night Terrors/Nightmares/Sleep Paralysis
To me, the images appear as slides underneath a microscope. Being inserted and then withdrawn. Here…place another. Some move like a theatre screen, others are just images. Never anything but dreadful, nonetheless.
The voice follows me home
And watches me sleep
It will wake me at inopportune times
To shout insults at me
It shouts that I am mental, schizophrenic, manic
When I am having an ok day
The voice will follow me into my dreams
And rape me
It shows me its sick pleasures
Laid out in imagery
To the point where I am sometimes
In sleep paralysis
The voice leaves me in tremors
The voice makes me harm myself
In ways I can’t repair
(The voice has forced me to attempt to break my own neck
I thought a broken neck killed you
I only fractured it and now I have a fucked up neck)
And harm the home I am staying in
The voice makes it so I can’t repair the damages the voice made me cause
The voice reminds me every time I look at the damage
The voice changes the shape of my goals
Until they are out of reach
The voice tells me my goals are sh*t
And I’ll never be able to reach them
I believe the voice
Every time I hear the voice or remember the voice
I reach for a cigarette to harm myself some more
But the voice cannot exist without me
The voice chose me when I was completely independent and self-assured
It decided it would take my fine life and wreck havoc on it
I can’t do a single damn thing
Without the voice watching
Telling me what I did was wrong
The voice likes to remind me how I was so beautiful and happy when it chose me
And how I have degenerated because of it
The voice likes to tease me by reminding me what it did to my body
I don’t do much anymore
Except cower in fear of the voice
But I hope to leave town and get the hell away
Either that or end my life
The voice cannot exist without me
And it wants to run me off the road
When I leave town
I don’t believe I would ever come back again…
Not for gold, not for anything
I’ll probably end up killing my self
Because you can’t run from a memory
500 miles from home and the voice would still follow my every move probably
It stores itself between my bones and in my muscles to use for its energy
It used to be my hopes and goal to leave, before
Now I know the joy will be sapped from me for an eternity more
I have seen others end their life and it wasn’t so bad. It really is for the best.
When the moment comes, as we know it will. Will you be fully prepared? I don’t mean that you said goodbye to loved ones and all, I mean prepared as in you felt it in your heart and soul that you were content with the fact that in the next moment or night you would no longer have life. No breath to breathe. Will you think about the newborns, the children, the teenagers and young folk? Will you understand the meaning of all this? Will you be able to come to some sensible comprehension of what has appeared in our perception? Will you believe in life and the source behind life? Will you be too afraid to find contentment? When strange symptoms strike and you run out of breath, will you be afraid of the pain and panic? My comprehension is minimal. There is too much I cannot understand of origins. I cant understand why we are alive. Why this universe formed. Why there are species, plants, planets, water, gases, fruits…..conscious! My most curious observation, is why is this here. Why am I apart of this? Why is LIFE. I understand the vastness of everything and which planets exist and how the bounders go on for light years but I can’t for the life of me understand why and when it formed. I can’t understand former man and prior species. I can’t understand why I need to be alive here. Not that that is the only important thing. I have one question, if you are on completing suicide now or whether you may in future or whether you will not complete suicide, when do you feel you will be ready (heart and soul) for the jump into the afterlife. Years, months, days, approximately how quick could you be ready if need be. To summarize the question, when will you be ready to fully depart life as you know it on earth?
Will you be able to bear the pain?
I don’t think I can.
I died in the war in a past life. Personal life vs. public life. I am actually Martin Luther King Jr. and I was shot. Now I’m an Indian when the pilgrims came to infestate America. Now I’m a black man in slave times. Now I’m a woman who’s husband beats her every night. I actually died of dysentery on The Oregon Trail. I was a miner when the cove collapsed over my head. I died of Ebola in Africa. I was the first man with AIDs. I was the captain of the titanic and went down with the ship. Small Pox wiped out my brothers when I was a boy…. Grave’s disease got me years later. I was a Jew in Nazi Germany. Huricane Katrina struck and I died trapped underneath a roof. I was murdered by Ted Bundy. My car got hit by a train in a rural town. I drowned in the ocean. I tried to climb Mt. Everest and I died of hypothermia. Now I’m a cat and I was ran over by a truck. I am an innocent black man who was shot and killed by the police. I am young person who died from an energy drink overdose. I am a rockstar who died taking too many shots of Jim bean. I am Hemingway. I am Kurt Cobain. I am Jim Morrison. I am Jimi Hendrix. I am Janice Joplin. I am an unborn baby. I am a gay man that was killed in that gay bar shooting. I am a student at Columbine reading in the library. I am Cecil the Lion. I am JFK happily riding by the country and citizens I love in my cruiser. I am Francis Farmer. I am a victim at the Las Vegas Jason Aldean concert. Add if you feel the meaning. I am a victim from the Silk Road. I am a hooker whose pimp murdered. Someone was supposed to be watching me.
Hope to die
Shove a needle in my ass
I’m not mad anymore
I’m not sad anymore
I do, however, dread winter’s weather.
Tried walking to the cliff. While reading the book me and my friend were reading while talking of suicide 11 years ago, The Catcher in the Rye. I am on page 67 of 115. If you have not read my other posts, she said she going to overdose on heroin or slit her wrists and I said I would jump off cliff or shoot off my head. There is a part in the book about a Catcher who catches those jumping off the cliff. I will post it when I get to it. It was the best part in the book. She killed herself in March 2015. I have previously stated this cliff is a 7 hour walk and I could not drive because of a fraudulent DUI charge. Usually, I do not wake up early enough to make the walk and it is nightfall before I can get there. I happened to be awake early yesterday so I started walking at 9AM. My phone died half way and I always get antsy if I have nothing to read. I walked 4 hours and then I couldn’t walk anymore. I did not bring a backpack, a snack, or enough water. I was thirsty and starving. It was freezing out and I did not have a jacket. So I got a ride home. I had 3 hours left to walk. She thinks I am just working out, walking for fitness. I tell her the spot holds a special memory for me and that is why I like to visit it. If only it was closer…..
Humans – akin to elephants, hippos, donkeys, kangaroo, alpaca, koala, yak, giraffes, mules, Zebra, horse, cow – will have one baby at a time
Humans – akin to a close approximation to Elk, gorilla, moose, and cow have a gestation period of 240-280 days
Human females – akin to mule deer, cougar, orangutang, spotted hyena, big horn sheep, Javan pig, jaguar weigh on average 58-73kg
Human males – can also be weighted close to sloth bear, addex, mountain goat, bearded pig, reindeer, Asiatic black bear