I feel really dead inside again. I was recently starting to feel better, but as this entire week progressed I got more and more lonely. Today has been about the worst day so far. I’m alone and it doesn’t feel good. The past suicidal thoughts are coming back, I know I wouldn’t do it right now, but these negative thoughts and images are now eating me because I’m completely alone.
vacantvessel
I’m not sure why I’m so sad, but I wish I could go back in time (that’s a problem itself). I just wish everything would find itself again, I also want someone I can’t have. I’m a 20 yr old girl, but I feel like I’m 80 yrs old and miserable or something like that. I have friends but they aren’t really friends if that makes sense? No one really knows me.
Missing someone who will never come back. It feels so hopeless and like every shred of me would give the world to get this person back. No matter the harm caused or pain dealt. Sometimes none of that matters, all that matters is getting this person back. But they’re dead, metaphorically dead which imo, is the worst. I feel so stupid and useless, borderline obsessive, but it’s been weeks and hours and seconds with nothing but the same invisible person in my mind and dreams. I think I’m losing my mind even more now.
The fact that I’ve been wanting to die and thought of suicide often since I was 10 (I am 20 now & have tried 3 times), I feel this need to feel, useful to someone?
Is is that hopeless or stupid? Or is that the human inside of me waiting for some type of reassurance on something.
I usually feel alone. Like no one gets me? As cliche as that may sound. I guess I’m so tired of explains everything and how I feel and having not a single person understand where you’re coming from or what you’re talking about to begin with. A lot of things would be solved if we just understood each other or tried.
I feel like I want to die and it lasts for weeks then it disappears. Then it comes back. It’s so hard to describe, the feeling.