i thought I was doing well. I thought I had been able to overcome some aspects of depression and hit art a new, better life. But one bad day brought me back to the point I was at over a year ago. One. Bad. Day.
Well, she slapped me today. I was about to punch that b****. But then my father stepped in and saved the day. Woohoo. What an epic love story! (I’m about 6’0″ and 200 pounds and my mom is 5’8″ and about 140 pounds so I could’ve done some damage) god I hate them. They don’t understand me. They make me so angry I literally can’t even see I’m so mad. What idiots. They should seriously not be parents. My god.
So one of my friends just told me he was cutting and contemplating suicide.(Join the club, right.) and basically wants me to be there for him to help him get better. How am I supposed to help him get better when I can’t help myself? He really doesn’t have anyone else to talk to. Suggestions? Comments?
The question is: is suicide the way out or the way in? Love this quote. What do y’all think?
Personally, I haven’t cried or expressed sadness(at least physically) in at least a year. It’d makes me look weak to those around me. I channel most of my emotions into anger. Unhealthy, I know. What emotions do y’all not show?
Do ya’ll believe in God?
doing a little better today. Finally realized I can’t be everyone else’s rock when I can’t even be my own. Listened to Second Chance by Shinedown a LOT to get that. today, I think there is good in the world. And on my next bad day I’m going to come back here and read this to remember how I felt.
So I decided to be completely honest right now about my life.
one of my friends is constantly attempting to commit suicide.
my entire group of friends is into cutting and marijuana.
my parents think I’m the good one.
my teachers think Im the smart kid.
my siblings want to be like me.
but I hate myself.
I want to die.
i can’t even tell my friends who cut that I do too because they depend on me to be the stable one in our group.
the one who isn’t fucked up.
i don’t know how much longer I can take it.
i just want to drive and drive and never look back.
i feel like shit
I will not bow by Breaking Benjamin and Get stones by Hinder pretty much sum up my life.
i have lost the will to change
go home, get stoned
I was listening to monster by imagine dragons and all the words were just so true. I don’t recognize the person I’ve become anymore. I don’t know if what I am could even be counted as a person. I’m more of a shell, really. Polished on the outside and empty on the inside.
I just found out my cousin was KIA in Iraq. I ran. I just ran for 9 miles before it sunk in. Even now, I don’t truly accept it. I just want to turn off my emotions.
I just want it to end.
none of it will stop. I feel everything telling me to just do it already!
its not like I’m worth it.
i need to Do it. Or I need to completely Â start over.
which should I do?
tired of existing. I feel like I am a zombie. Like my life has no purpose.
is there a god? I don’t know. Actually, I do. I believe there is a god, but I don’t know who he/she is.
tired of not being good enough. Of trying my hardest to achieve and failing again and again.
Tired of watching the same thing happen around me over and over again without being able to do anything about it.
I feel like I’m screaming and no one can hear me.
like I’m behind a pane of glass, and while I can see everyone, they can only see the outside of me.
they can’t hear me. They can’t know me. They can’t understand me.
im so tired. I’m done trying to make up reasons to survive. I’ve heard Christians say that people try to fill the emptiness they feel with things of the world will not be successful, because only Jesus can do that.
well I tried the Jesus route and I feel more empty than ever.
a part of me is fighting the emptiness, the loneliness that I feel inside,
while another part of me wants to give in to it.
maybe it would be easiest.
im tired of being disappointed.
in myself, in god, in my family, my friends, in everything.
im tired of feeling.
im just tired.