This is going to be a rant, I have nobody to blame but myself. As a preteen/teen I was allowed to run around and do as I pleased seems like a dream come true right? Well my dental hygiene suffered greatly because well, I was a kid and didn’t care. I started noticing as I got older of course and tried some things to remedy it, but my family has never been the wealthiest and dental work is expensive. This was and is one of the bigger causes of my depression. I had done a bunch of research on teeth remineralization and tried that with little success. At that point I’d get depressed and stop caring. Fast forward to when I’m 18ish teeth still fucked, but now I have a collective corporation under my name in a industry I was passionate about and there’s hope. I’ll be making money helping people and enjoy what I’m doing. Fast forward to age 21. Something happens nobody knows what. We suspect foul play from a partner. the collective is unable to move forward. Fast forward to 22 just a bit before my 23rd birthday I’m depressed can’t eat normally luckily I’m used to the pain by now I never smile I try to not talk to anyone ever. My dad and grandpa show up unexpectedly and I’m actually real happy to see them I missed them. They showed up to tell me my uncle who I was close with even lived with him for awhile, God we were so much alike even down to our body type, tall and lanky, hung himself in the back of the property. Needless to say everyone was devastated I remember hugging my dad so hard I heard the snap as my front tooth broke off completely. I honestly didn’t care at the time. Afterwards I went to the bathroom and spit it out. Needless to say the other followed within a few months. So here I am now 24 years old half my teeth rotted even though I try my best to maintain them. Pushed out the industry I love and washed up. Idk why I’m putting this up I needed to get this off my chest and this seemed like a good place. (If your younger and reading this take care of your teeth!) sooner or later I probably won’t even be able to eat, that’s when I’ll probably take my leave, we will see, sorry for not being able to share any positivity since I’ve joined I will try to in the future <3
I’ve been awake for a few hours now, and was able to force myself to eat something despite not having an appetite whatsoever. To be honest I’m glad I did I feel a lot less lethargic. I don’t know if I’m depressed, suicidal, or just mentally fucked up at this point. Or maybe I see the world for what it really is. What I do know is my experience in this world isn’t enjoyable, I don’t have the worst life, definitely not the best. Which I beat myself up about sometimes because people do have it worse. I don’t know, I just honestly don’t know. What I do know, is that I don’t want to be here.
Hello all, I lurk around here when things get rough. for about the last year and a half, figured I’d make an account. It’s currently 9:15’ish in the morning and I finally feel tired enough to sleep so I’m gonna leave you all a song I resonate with. I don’t know if it’s gonna link correctly, as this is my first post so sorry in advance if it doesn’t x.x