im fed up. i cant kill myself and ironically that makes me want to do it more. im fat and ugly and horrible and useless and this whole fucking world would be better off if i was fuckibng dead.
once again, sitting here patheticly writing about what im doing, hoping that someone will try to stop me, but knowing that i’ll just get mad at anyone who does. so i sit here again. with my blade. cutting my own flesh to the point of blood.
i want to so bad 🙁 but im scared. i live in such a world of fear, i want peace. i want a break. so why the hell cant i just do it.
i hate this constant battle in my head. i wish i could just do it :'( im such a coward.
ive ruined everything. goodbye.
ive stopped cutting. but i want to start again. help?
its bad when you go to sleep thinking “maybe i wont wake up tomorrow” its worse when you wake up and think “fuck, im still alive.”
life sucks and id like to convineiently die in my sleep. it would be lovely.
im about to kill myself. i dont wanna leave my dad with a bloody traumatic mess. can someone please tell me a good drug to overdose on? i just want him to find me in a non gorey way.
DO NOT LECTURE ME ABOUT GOD. GOD IS A LIE AND HE IS DEAD TO ME. DO NOT LECTURE ME ABOUT “LIVING A HAPPY LIFE” AND “GETTING BETTER” BECAUSE IT ISNT GOING TO HAPPEN. I WANT PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT MY DECISION TO DIE. THANK YOU!
WHY THE FUCK AM I THE STUPID ***** WHO ALWAYS THINKS SHE CAN TRUST SOMEONE!!!!! I ALWAYS GET FUCKED OVER! FUCK THIS WORLD! IM LEAVING!!!!!!!!!!!! IM FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SHIT!!!!!
my ideal death would be out in a beautiful field full of tall green green grass, i would take out my razor blade, lay down, cut my wrists, and enjoy the warm fresh breeze as i slowly bled out, going from a beautiful scene, to a beautiful death and freedom, i dont like how cruel this world is. there is very little that i find beautiful, but a huge green empty field is one of the few things, and i would love to live my last moments somewhere that wasnt horrid.
just a thought, dont people always tell everyone to “listen to your heart” or “do what you wanna do” or “do what is going to make you happy” what about for those of us whose hearts scream for death, we want to die, and we’d be happier dead, why do these things we are told not apply then?
i dont want people to try to make me feel better right now. i just feel like typing. im ready for things to get better, im depressed, lonely, a cutter, suicidal, bulimic,fat,and have no self esteem. i feel like theres only one escape.
all in good time
all in good measure
all in pursuit
of the perfect endevor
the perfect endevor
the blade to the skin
the much needed feeling
of how it bites in
how it bites in
better feelings arent missed
its the incontent human’s
method of bliss
i wrote this while i was in a “treatment center” for adolocents. i was there for about a week. even after being “treated” i still feel this way. i write alot of poetry but this is by far my favorite that ive ever written.
im done bitching about my life for now. i just need to vent. im not looking for pity or “salvation” just a place to let it out. i would appreciate if you didnt leave rude comments. when i was 4, my parents seperated i had no clue what was going on all i knew was that my mommy and daddy were fighting all the time. i knew i was being fought over. i heard my name and my brothers name shouted constantly. my brother and i were dragged around through numerous custody fights and eventually they settled on joint custody. as some of you may […]