All men are mortal
Some men die old from age
Some men die of their own choosing to escape the hardship of life
Some men are murdered
and some men die courageously for their own principles
I hope to be one of these to die as I live; courageously
I did something that was really hard for me yesterday. I went car shopping. Only to find out the money I had was no good and you need at least 5,000 dollors to put down on a car to get anything worthwhile that will last a while. Just another way society just points at me and says you don’t belong here. Your money is not useful like everyone else’s. No one needs you. You’re a nuisence, get out. All those things pop into my head when I try to do anything. Seriously feeling like getting the amonia from the closet and drinking it. I can’t […]
Today I lay awake trying to will myself to my chores, with a man whom I am not inspired by, with a child I have no motherly passion for I do today entertain my weary mind while I work with the song of the shirt.
With fingers weary and worn, With eyes heavy and red, A woman sits in unwomanly rags, Plying a needle and thread, In poverty hunger and dirt, She lifts her head and sings the song of the shirt
“Work Work Work
While the cock is crowing in the dawn on the roof
and Work Work Work
Till the stars shine on the roof
To this life I […]
I’ve always lived my life for others……… Its hard to keep doing after 22 years of it…….. I tried to kill myself last week by jumping into a lake in the middle of the night……….. I was hoping I’d freeze and die…………….. but I didn’t…………. I realized I had done everything I had planned to do in my life……………So why can’t I be happy with it? I have a 3 year old son now………….. I saved my husband when I met him from ending his life……………. and I gave him my life………… I try to give him everything and anything to make him happy because […]
It doesn’t matter to the sun. If I go or if I stay. The sun will rise like its just another day. It doesn’t matter to the sun no it only matters to me. It doesn’t matter to the world if I jump or if I drown. It will just keep turning round, turning round like it did the day before. It doesn’t matter to the world no. It only matters to me. It doesn’t matter to the moon if I cry tonight alone. That moon will just keep hanging round, hanging round, shine on some other woman’s dreams. You see it doesn’t matter to […]
Finally the physical is matching the way I feel within. My car broke down shortly after a spinal injury followed by my computer breaking down so its hard to even be here. I’m dying whether by my own hand or just my will. It’s coming I can feel it deep in my bones its time to go all I have to do now is sleep and let the death take me. Good bye to all who loved me to all whom I love. Everything dies its just my time now. I’m dieing farewell.
I have a family so I should be happy but I wasn’t. I had an affair it should’ve made me happy but it didn’t. I told a friend about the affair. He told me that isn’t a proper affair. That he would show me what love really means. He did, I fell in love. I wanted to sneak away on a vacation to meet him and date. But, if I go anywhere without my family’s permission they would disown me and keep me from my child. So for a day I deliberated try for a chance at happiness or stay in misery for your family’s […]
I’ve been thinking about this a lot.  The story of Rapunzel I mean. Not the Disney one the original.
Her life is sort of how my life was. I never thought I belonged to my mother. I always felt like I was born to some other family and then stolen away by her. The original story of Rapunzel is that when her real mother was pregnant with her she desired to eat the plant rapunzel, which is a desert flower and is a very difficult plant to grow.  The witch Mother Gothel grew a magical magnificent garden with all kinds of plants and flowers. Among them […]
Hey I’ve just been having a hard time here.  I’m finally financially secure but not emotionally.  My dad thinks I’m fine he used to at least be on the island but has now decided to move to Wyoming.  Not that he has ever really been close to me to begin with but that is just like the nails in the coffin now he really is gone.  My mother is having some stress because her health insurance is no longer going to pay for her psychotherapy treatments and on top of that my stepfather (who I can’t stand by the way) is getting sicker […]
I’ve tried the few times when I am alone. To fill up the bathtub sink below the water. Let out all my breath and some how try to find the courage to breath in. As hard as I try I can’t will myself to do it. Why won’t I just die. My husband found me trying to overdose on pain pills Why won’t he let me die I can’t give anymore can’t he see I’m selfish, stupid, worthless, lazy, I’m a bad mother, and have no ability to bridal my emotions why won’t he let me die.
I’ve been replying to people’s posts and I’m getting negative reply’s to my reply’s I’m not gonna do any name calling but there is someone antagonizing me and I thought, wow, even here there are dicks, wow. Thanks guys already want to kill myself thanks for making me feel worse.
I think about how to die all the time. I know my family would be better off with the insurance money than me. But, I also know I can’t escape if I died I would also be just as lonely on the other side. So, instead I’ve been trying to think of ways to destroy my soul because then there would be nothing good nor bad…….. just nothing.