I look in the mirror, I say, loser, freak, fa&&ot, piece of $hÂ¿t. Â I say, you SUCK! Â YOU’RE NOTHING!
Every time. every…. time….
Sometimes I can say things that are nicer, kind of over top, or after. Â But I can’t not hear the hurtful words.
People said these things all through junior high and high school. Â One was even a Policeman’s son. Â Nobody did anythingÂ Not even when I was hospitalized twice for trying to kill myself.Â I’d just say I was fine, and nobody batted an eyelash to it.
It gets worse from there…. long story short, I’m in my thirties now, Â I still hear their words…but it’s my voice now. Â I survived two attempts, both when I was much younger, and have used self harm such as cutting to relieve the pain, (I still bear MANY scars on my arms from hurting myself).
My heart, my soul are tired, things that should bring me joy don’t.Â I want to lay down and sleep.Â Sweet, sweet slumber.