I was born into relatively lower middle class family. My mother is an school teacher all her life and my dad is an alcoholic since forever working in construction. Ive born into a small town, with no opportunites and with no financial aid, I attended the school and finished by graduating 12 classes. As a kid I played used to enjoy playing football or just pass time as a computer which is most of my whole life. But If I were to defy myself Im incredibly shallow, no confidence/self esteem, have not felt anything in years, no-one to care for or something to hold value of as I have literally nothing, my head has been empty ever since I can remember and feel like just existing. Ive been blaming myself for this and my past mistakes of and not pushing my self. Its been over 5 years and this 3 years have been especially tough for me as the only thing I can think of is eating a bullet. I always feel envious, low self esteem and completely worthless everytime I see someone with a nice car or, GF, house or thrive to succeed. I have nothing of those lol.
I feel like i can write a book about it but its just best to keep it short.
The only thing I am looking for is restitution or peace in some manner and that is to get a gun and shoot myself.