No matter what you go through in life you always hear, “It will get better”. It didn’t and it won’t. I have no one to turn to and no one who would even care at this point. It’s not that I’ve ruined all of my friendships or I’m particularly mean, I’m just forgettable. I’m the person who will never be the favorite friend but would do anything for the people around me. Even my family I try to impress throughout all the abuse, sexual assault and negligence, I faced as a child I’ve still always tried to strive for their approval. In friendships, betrayal has come a normal but for some reason I can’t seem to get it through my head that they don’t care whether I’m there or not. Almost every relationship I’ve been in ruined due to either cheating, abuse or sexually assault. I’m starting to think it has more to do with me than them.
Lets say for argument sake, “It does get better” I’m not willing to wait anymore. I’ve reached my breaking point and I’m ready to stop the pain. The trauma never goes away whether I’m grieving over my dads passing or anything else I’ve dealt with in my life, it doesn’t get easier for me. I have a plan and I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.