If your influence is beyond your lifetime, leave it. Because you must be so lonely that nobody is going to miss it…
dislocated self-awareness. declination of the past. dispersion from freedom. unpleasant emersive thoughts. respective immersive social relational trust fond. disability of detachment.
this just keeps me awake what I read. who makes funerals, I would be death inside but I want to express it privately and have trust in coping skills, and issues.
I wished it in a bad prediction for the future to die, and I relapsed from hate to love which is something strong to me. I am unable to remember this, but the development of the relapse took my commiseration which used to consume me out in view of my desire and which had me selflessly in damage to myself empowered me to emphasize with the most painless atmosphere.
And that was depression. Crying made me Free, but I’m not done enough, it was a huge loss which is gone with the hate. I’m like censoring myself as I can’t express it by any act and want to be striked by something that is close to the imagination that leaved me with my believe that the causality to love after the psychosis is better than the truth of my ridiculous expectations and to be loved back.
And I insist for the proof of my desparation with the peace in me to have suffered and to want more.
I stay in distance because for just a single time I want to disrespect my confidence. I don’t want to trust the love, I want to be with, with only the fear and want that to make me cry.
I can’t stop, I’m uninterested of being real in life without and really am not into the world all my life.
I must find another home that is corrupting the idea that the first memory is been one I trusted to, felt close to and wanted to life in. I didn’t.
Can you make out my mind? I can’t make out mine..
Up to 3 Dream a Night.
Emotion but no Feelings.
Different Styles of Visuals.
Time is shifting Nature.
Skills beyond Wakefulness.
Ability to remember – also photographically.
An Effect after Waking up.
Causing Déjà-vu in later Life.
Hardly to Ignore.
Terrific Nightmares ( I find Joy in)
depression is breathing. it keeps shorten in the air from the lung the more activities you follow, share with other people and keep stuck in you. like a parasite in the mind it nourish like being in a deep sleep. the deprivation is opening eyes for the missing love in anything around one that’d turn blind if you get kissed again like it had been once and always as gentle kick of trust.
- childhood myth
- childhood trauma
- familiar problems as child
- over average learning curve
- lose of interest
- break of hope
- suicide ideation
- complicated relationship
- suicide attempt #1
- suicide attempt #2
- acausal commiseration
- 2-lined personality
- very far social network
- suicide assumption
- breakdown of social life
- theft of data
- train power line electrocution
- police incident with loss of will for living, skills and unrecoverable state of development, quest or right
- emigration with challenge to kill me and for gaining sanity in an unknown environment
- admitted terroristic tendencies
- death of family member
- runaway #2
- runaway #3
- no labor fitness/field
- self-harm with drugs
- suicide attempt #3
i may write as if I can do everything.
but others have their priorities. I don’t want to try again to get my access of illicit stuff, because it is always super to refer on experiences in an associable field.
and they said their projects. but there was no urge or type of contracting me to explore.
also can’t I help if I occupied knowledge about or feel like that is not in my freedom.
I refer this when I get known of former who also has the suicide project without the most valuable knowledge.
like as tied to a lobby of which the reality really dies little for those who shall are turn to something to as then ..
aren’t we tired of lawbreaking?
A way to get a message back here to know who died.
I can’t do mine just. The Drugs are almost under political control.
i know a music thread with 60000 posts.
this page here is different. 2 user do not make of about 20% of that entries, guessed.
it is impossible to have a overview about. do you think that’s with the no partners rule?
i’m critical about if I use this page right or if the support can explain me. i maybe just lack suicidality and fear of free things..
I have my own Mistakes that I do not advice.
- Binge Eating
- Drug Abuse (Tobacco)
- Inner Aggression
- Public Transport Trip’s
- No-Decision making
- Unfutile research documentation
- Suddenly stopping global development
- Uses to leave possible takeworthy desires unfollowed properly
- Legal Affairs
I feel to break at some point. To make Gang and Group, Politic and Industry, Law and Order beside everything else I do.
I don’t like to sell Medicine, I give them for free. I don’t split my Drugs. I don’t destroy things.
I can’t waste money because I can’t stop thinking for any product I buy.
No Invitations for a Dinner or Booze as I see the drown downward.
People don’t give me Drugs anymore in Quality and Quantity that would be enough for suicide.
Look, I can’t even brag myself to abuse medicine to abuse actual human just for lust.
Nothing is Right, I don’t enjoy Life. I remind myself lesser that I’d want to die but it hurts now even more each time.
Am I the only one to suffer repression by state in act and law?
I don’t need a Therapy, I need a Course with a length of a Year, new Skills to learn and some Partner.
I lost any Real Chance for this very Year. Next year is the very last Year I could find such a Thing.
This thing on my Hand is a miracle for itself. It is likely a Week old and does not revert to Common. So I’ll get under a Operation.
Edit: I got my operation. The hand is more appealing now, more than ever before. I’ll take a week pause of writing, for recovery.
I gain a nothin’ when it contains words.
sung as if written. but I lie to myself.
to know I love the deaths creation.
but any of is for bme a taboo subject
so so don’t sing the deaths of. also I did.
this can’t be excused to some,
as strangers. maybe is takes a toll of relief..
but I’d stick to what I know as stranger.
and any must be alive. and that can be noone..
My mother said I was driving my Bike and feel. All my knees bleed. I bought some Pizza and Pork.
I remember an accident, but it is alike a general memory. I bought some Pork but it was like a week ago.
And why are my Hands swollen? I’ll take some more if my Doc is prescribing this. I need this to clear out, I study this stuff damn again!
Edit: I’m still unaware how to treat that phenomenon. I was so secure that I’m immune of Memory Loss/Sleepwalking. I wait that they (Parents) show me the Bill of what I bought. If not, I’ll need to turn the Doctor? I need to state my Swollen Hands!
I took myself one Pill of mine. Short after I lost Consciousness. When I woke up, I was in the living room, both of my Hands swollen, mark of Stitches at both my Elbows. Strains of Blood marking both my knees. And my Medication gone.
This bastard’s are trying to turn me around. I said once to my Dad that I want to die, as he replied to me: “If you want to die, I’ll also.”, I must seen the lie earlier and this douchebag with the imagination people with this private urge can be played.
Respect is equality. None gets that from me out of itself.
Edit: I’ll confront my parents what they remember. I got asked if I’m better yesterday.
or maybe in march. I don’t feel save around here. People mix up my Medicine, Parents are stealing my Medicine and I am very in my Pension at age 23. As if People are living to now or then to hear what I do. It was once even worse but that means nothing.
I’m feeling bad. Anytime I feel like that I’d prefer to be dead. I am weak and also powerless. I am alone. My head is trembling. Even my Tummy is kinda shaking softly. I’d like to feel for once to have reached where I belong. A Home, … People? Do I have to feel?
I get high quality medicine. Shall I bother? No one is going to lose life by. …
But I robbed due nationality a piece of my identity.
How to you name the Power in us to make the Final Move, to give into something, to cry and to be forced to seek for food and water? The urge to smoke or to go for drugs.
Such an Movement inside of me is thrilling me to get to my own Rental. Anybody there in the Town is more of an fellow peasant than a friend and those who are a friend to me can’t actual set a rule for itself or have a proper set-up.
I like to be there. I can sleep there at least. I have nothing there yet about connectivity. And an all alone. I took it that I can start working soon. There is too little of an feeling to set a Workspace for the Laptop and start.. Well, all I could is for now cutting Multimedia like Video’s and Sound. Making some elements of Graphic. And I would need to order a new charger first-hand.
It is empty in my Life. That is dragging me constantly to Drugs. I can take Drugs without dying. Latest Innovation from Apple makes it possible to survive any Overdose. I did survived some of them on my own.
I fear to end up in Jail before I die or turn happy ever after. Nothing is dragging me right now to Suicide, the only options are to be in a state that is to some similar to suicide.