Im 18 now, and that’s a big thing. Its big boy time, and im not ready. Get a car, pay for insurance move out, fix the energy crisis, have a family, be supportive, go to college, pay taxes. You know, big things. The issue is, how is a small thing like me supposed to deal with problems so big I cannot see them up close? What the hell do I have to do in order to continue as I am, rather than what my environment and my situation demands me to be?
Your future friend
Why does anybody value anything, when in the end, whatever item you may covet is just an assemblage of atoms that will eventually blow away on a cosmic wind. Why do we think so many things matter so much, when they’re just that. Pieces of the universe who’s only definite finctuon is too move from on point, position, and combination to another. Everything, on the most base the world’s levels, is the same, and therefor, none of it has any real value.
Why do I still care about anything?
How do people deal with the idea and the inevitable occurrence of death. What’s the drive to continue, to become better, if everything you or I make will eventually rot away and turn to dust, including our achievements, our stories, and our families? What point IS there to do anything, when others of done it better than you ever can?
So,this is my first post,and I hope it will be the last. My dad is in terrible shape. He smokes,he’s admittedly very overweight,he has a bad back and a bad heart,and it’s a true and terrifying thought that he could drop dead at any moment,and he’ll leave me forever. I can’t stand what he does to himself,it’s as is he wants to die and leave me and my brother and sister. I never want to leave his side because I’m afraid something will happen and I won’t be there to help him. Every morning I get to wake up every morning to him waking me up for school,and I become so relieved for the first five seconds that I haven’t lost him yet,but then I realize that he could have a heart attack during his 12-hour shift, or go into cardiac arrest in the hallway,or he could trip and hit his head and never wake up. It’s all these uncertainties that could become truths at any point,and I just have no way to stop him from breaking himself,or a way to keep myself from feeling like this.It drives me insane,knowing that I may have to bury my own father,and go into the world without him to show me how. I have honestly considered killing myself so I Won’t have to see this come true. But I can’t. Because he taught me to well. He taught me to find a solution and to be a good person. And if I killed myself, then I would not only cause drama and a scene,but I’d put to much strain on him, and I’d be a disappointment to him. I have nowhere left to turn.
Please, someone help me.