I don’t tell anyone about how much I’m struggling because I know so many attention seekers who make up shit about being depressed etc. They won’t understand the severity of my sadness and pain, only the ones who live by my side will get an insight in to my torment.
Society is fucked.
technology, global warming, heartbreak, terrorism, education, hunting, confusion, rape, hurt, forget, mental, physical, wind, drugs, help, loneliness, words, carelessness, alcohol, anger, death, cold, disease, cancer, unlucky, fat, freak, people, bullying, OCD, regrets, disasters, accidents, sex, darkness, money, nightmares, selfish, complications, stress, hatred, no hope, self hatred, pain, fashion, depression, expectations, selfishness, judgement, materialism, love, height, weight, feelings, looks, appearance, care, tears, sadness, anxiety.
Take a step back and look @ this world.
Whats the point.
My dad cant seem to understand why i am, like i am.
How do i even begin to explain;
Why im so sensitive about things
Why i stay in bed the majority of the day
Why i cancel a lot of my plans.
We had a fall out because apparently his mum came down to see me before i go away to uni & i had a bad turn so had to cancel. He is still going to meet her with the rest of my family… So its not 100% pointless for her travels. He went out of his way to make me feel so guilty i am so close to just running away or slitting my wrists.
So over the past month i found myself get worse and worse & decided to post on here for help and attention. I got over 10 emails from fellow users of this site and i couldnt be happier.
I am overwhelmed with how many people took the time to give a shit about me. Unfortunately it felt very repetitive having to explain myself multiple times and honestly just took the life out of me. Sorry to everyone i didnt reply back to. Im very very appreciative of the effort you all went through.
If you are reading this and feel alone or out of your depths with feelings and thoughts. I promise you, youre in the right place for help, advice and friends.
Dont give up.
Ive been struggling to find someone to talk to recently as i dont feel im doing the best.
I tried the online counselling but they all need payment details to actually talk to someone professional.
I just want someone who knows what im going through to pay attention and offer advice because i honestly feel so lonely atm.
Id really appreciate a message… For the record im also a really good listener!
I need to sort myself out. I cant keep feeling like this… I just feel so irritable every second of the day. I have tears permanently in my eyes, just sitting here doing nothing angers me. But then I have no choice- weather is crap, friends are busy and I honestly dont want to talk to them. I always feel I have to make the effort with all of them, To be happy because if im not it means either being called miserable or having to explain myself when even I dont know whats happening.
Im so passive.
I just want to go back to college. I want to have something to do everyday. I need to force myself to be around humans, even though they’re the ones I dislike. I want this to be over all ready. I want to live farfar away. I want to be happy.
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havent been on here since last year. I’ve been to hell and back
i want people to know they can email me if they need someone to talk to or advice.
Tonight was the night i felt i needed someone there.
I usually love being on my own and never felt alone,
but tonight has been different…
I would love a boyfriend, but i wouldnt want them to
have to go through my problems and mood swings.
Would be very unfair on them, so maybe being single
is the decision for now?!
im sat here, having a very fucking long panic attack.
need to occupy myself, so thats why i am here…
someone keep me company?
Rang up the local mental illness house today, inquired about returning to my counselling.
Its been a good 6-7 months since i last has counselling. Thought i was cured and all that.
Guess it is just another loop back around to the start… Curious to what everyone else suffers from?
Its been ages since i last wrote on here.
+++ Nothing has changed… Will i be like this forever?
I am still suffering from depression, stopped counselling because it wasn’t helping; but i realized recently i just wasn’t patient enough and i still continue to self harm as a coping method to help me through the mood swings and hatred.
On the plus side… i passed my gcses and started college- which is why my dad says i have no need to cut or be sad. Clearly he doesn’t understand what depression is…
What gets everyone through each horrible night and past the demons?
GCSE’S ARE CRAP, LIFE’S ‘CRAP’…
falling asleep a lot recently in school, when i get home from school because i dont eat during the day & as i always say;Â no food = no energy.
Started counselling, which i thought was helping me but i dont see any improvement:/ i have started to cut up my arm, they call it theÂ suicidal cut…
Guess you could sayÂ i am mildly suicidal. I have been for the past month? Never attempting, but i guess the thought of how i would end my life is bad enough!
Came out of a relationship couple months ago and recently in a new one… heÂ doesn’tÂ understand my illness, he tries to- but cannot grasp why i do it.
i do not know why i am so miserable.
i have everything i could ever need;
- loving family
- ‘talent’ in media
- new tv
- new computer
- new camera
- new clothes
- a house to live in
why am i still upset? makes me feel even worse because… well, am i ungrateful?
My last post “no energy“ was posted on Sunday.
Monday i woke up for school, was very hot, butÂ didn’tÂ think much of it. i got up and felt really ill and my belly was tossing and turning, so i went to the toilet.
But on my way to the toilet i went the dizziest i’ve ever been, then i blacked out. Next thing i know i am on the toilet floor with my dad picking me up, then i blacked out again, iÂ couldn’tÂ have fainted again… could i?Â i woke up on the hall way floor and my dad peering over me saying my name over and over again.
I was off school for that whole week because i lost all appetite and because iÂ wasn’tÂ able to eat, i had no energy to stay awake for a school day. I went doctors and they threatened to send me to theÂ hospitalÂ and put me on the drip because iÂ wasn’tÂ drinking or eating. In the end i drank and then they took my blood and assumed i hadÂ anemia.
Results came back the following week, i have thin blood or something shit like that and I also have to take iron tablets and go into the doctors once a week for the next couple months so they “can keep an eye on me” as my heart rate is extremely high and then i have another blood test next month.
Who knew that a small amount of starvation could cause me this much hassle and scare.
I have just got to be careful in future if i ever want to miss out meals.
i don’t eat anymore.
I am killing myself inside- i know, so stop telling me. Maybe this is what i want…
People say they’ve seen i have lost weight, this is what i aim for, so it must be helping.
Im not that stupid that i dont eat ALL DAY & ALL NIGHT, because all of my friends say that it just makes you have a bigger belly. So i have small meals, or starve myself until dinner (which i dont eat much of)…
I have had two cups of tea today to keep me awake because no food = no energy…
Slept in til middayÂ as wellÂ because then its less time awake and less time for eating.
What am i doing to myself?:/
so much has happened since my last post.
boyfriend, new school year, counselling, self harm +Â movement.
School stresses me out as its the last year of my GCSE’s 🙁
and my self harm hasnt cut down, or increased… maybe a little bit.
Everyone tries and helps me, like the ones who are most close. WHY CANT THEY STOP ME? i make promises and i just break them, making me feel even more shit about everything, i bring it all on myself so i dont know why i am like this
I started counselling start of July ever since my parents found out about my self harm, it hasnt helped me one bit. Basically because i havent stopped cutting and i dont feel any better, so we are getting professional help (i think) – basically someone who knows about self harm and will try and stop me i guess.
that doesnt seem realistic right at this moment.
pray for me please…
so i have this best friend who knows everything about me… he means the world to me and he knows litterally everything about me and i think i know everything about him.
the other day i told him i self harmed (i have been doing it on and off since last september) and he knew i had done it in the past, but i promised him i would tell him before i would do it again. I didnt… and well lets just say he found out and i wish i never said anything.
he had threatened in the past to cut himself twice as hard, which caused me to drift and close up from him. But he seemed okay about everything until he told me he was sat on his bathroom floor in tears and he wished there was a blade in there, because there wasnt he decided to get a bruise on his forehead so he can “remember everything” and that hurt me a lot… not sure what i was going to do.
i am reasonably close to my dad i guess, which is weird because i see him like once/twice a week… but yeah he knows everything i get up to, but doesnt know about my self harm. he realised i was upset and basically said that he would look through my phone if i didnt tell him. But i didnt tell him after all that hassle. i couldnt, it would fuck his head up-almost as much as my head right now.
but anyway, my dad is worried about me, so is my mum and most importantly my bestmate. He onlyÂ bruised himself because he wanted to feel the pain i felt everytime i cut. If i have that impact on someone then it shows how much i have to be careful about what i tell people, which is why i have debated on wether to just not mention my self harm to anyone because it has upset everyone.
i dont know why i self harm. its almost a way of teaching myself a lesson, i reminder of how i feel about myself and others.
Guys… i dont understand what this website is?
H E L P
IÂ am 15 years oldÂ & i have always been known as the happy friend (in my group of 14 friends.)
This past year everything has stopped being good. Life has been pretty shit since, and the worst happened back in september… my mum and dad split up. Dads foond someone new and my mum is attempting to move on after the worse depression i have ever seen her in:/
Its hard for me because i was ‘daddies little girl’. But he has a new family now and i see him once or twice a week if im lucky… i hate not seeing him everyday.
Also to make things better, i fell in love. And the boy who i trusted so much decided to leave me because i wouldnt give him what he wanted. Heart break was hard, but i didnt seem to get effected that much…
So all of this plus, weight issues, self confidence issues and exam stress.
Oh the joys of being a teenager.