Chronic Pain

15

Jealous … Sad … or Indifferent?

  June 17th, 2015 by Dawg

It’s been quite some time since I last posted here. Life was difficult (and in many ways still is) when I was a regular contributor. A quick recap: chronic pain/back injury, constant struggle to get necessary medications to manage said pain to maintain something akin to a “normal” life, got destroyed in the housing market collapse – lost two houses, and child support enforcement that seems to think I a gazillionaire when I can barely afford to eat – never mind that all “children” are adults.

There’s a plethora of other smaller issues that contribute, and some of those listed above – particularly the child support …

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4

My Insignificant Tale

  June 15th, 2015 by DarknessIncarnate

Hello to you all. I am DarknessIncarnate. This is not my real name but my tale is real I can assure you.

How do I start? I suppose it started when I was in Primary. In my years in my primary school I was never able to make any friends asides from two people. One had the surname of Holmes and the other of Dell. Let’s call them H (for Holmes) and D (for Dell). My first friend was H, and we never really were that far apart from one another. We were close friends and always enjoyed more abstract, imaginative games. Often involving crossing together …

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1

Afraid

  June 11th, 2015 by keeprunning

I guess I’ve been scared for a long time. I worry constantly about everything, so much so that people yell at me about my worries and about how annoying I am. I don’t know what will happen in the future – I don’t know if I’ll be able to change or if my depression will go away. I’ve had depression for about two to three years, and I haven’t seen anyone or told anyone about it, except for my best friend, but he doesn’t understand. No one understands. I don’t think I truly have friends, because they know me on a school-politeness-same hobbies way, but …

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8

Some things personal

  June 11th, 2015 by tralala

fuck, i don’t know where to write. This is the only place i felt safe to write something down and make it public. I am sorry, I am not suicidal anymore. Life is way more sucky this way. I can’t let myself even fantasize about killing myself because now I am a bitter grown up person who is not selfish enough to allow myself those fantasies. But I am selfish. And my lazy, depressive and lost existence makes life difficult for people around me, just less difficult than it would be if I killed myself. So I am that much less selfish.

Some days are so …

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2

I do not know what I want to say.. but help? advice? tips? anything?

  June 10th, 2015 by munckin

So, I just started a new job… I took it for several reasons:
a) I earn 300 euro more compared to before and could depending on my performance boost this with another 60% of my total salary… But this is just money. I hate it.
b) Maybe it is the same as the above as I am currently in dept more or less… because of the drugs. I actually took the job (partly) so that I could support this lifestyle, while thinking I would be able to make my life more stable with a 9 till 5 job rather then one in which my hours fluctuate every …

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4

Decomposing

  June 8th, 2015 by kinziek

People say ‘just give it time, hang in there’ etc but what’s the point? It’s just more time to decompose, for your mind to deteriorate.

10 years ago someone said to me ‘you’re on the cusp of a really great relationship’, now that person is married and I haven’t had one relationship since. If that’s not a sign to slice your throat and let the blood pour out until you’re gone I don’t know what is.

None of my ‘friends’ talk to me anymore, or invite me anywhere, I never go out anywhere. When I texted everyone that I was changing my phone number no one responded. …

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3

Just one more day

  June 8th, 2015 by Thalen

Right now I’m lying here in bed, like every weekend, overthinking, like trapped inside my own mind. I wonder what may be wrong, I can’t find any answer. Since I was a little child, I knew there was something different in me, too shy, too nervous, too sensitive, too depressed.

I grew in a humble home, my parents never went to a school, dad was an alcoholic and agressive person, often came drunk and angry at the nights. Sober or drunk, whatever, he always seemed disappointed about me, and that was confusing to me, because I always did my best in everything. ┬áMom was a victim …

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5

How I feel I guess

  June 7th, 2015 by KH

I’ve just realised how vague my previous post was, which may delay the process in receiving some form of helpful reply.

Ill try to put into words this feeling.

I can’t do anything right. No matter what I say or do or how I look. The phrase “no-once cares unless you’re pretty or dying” comes to mind. Of which only one applies to me, and I can certainly say that my appearance has had no positive impact on my life. I feel empty but at the same time I feel nothing, so really the question is – do I really feel anything at all? Am I forcing …

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6

First Post here…

  June 7th, 2015 by KH

I thought by coming across a site like this would enable me to actually be able to rant about something, anything, so that my mind would be clear for a moment. But sitting here, typing this out, I’m struggling with how to put into words something which might catch someone’s attention who may be going through something similar. Someone I can relate to. The majority of people on here I suppose will all have similar background stories or specific tragedies which crossover with someone else’s, and so a relationship forms as these crossover people discover each other and help. My issue is; despite knowing the …

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0

Facing failure.

  June 7th, 2015 by Haven

I haven’t been posting for a while. Been swamped by the exam season.

Here’s an update…

My final week of exams is coming up.

I’m not prepared. That’s for certain.

The sensible thing to do is to study for it, of course. If only it were that easy. I wonder how many times I’ve said that to myself?

Saying it is one thing, but to actually get down to doing what I’ve said is the difficult part.

I’ve become so reliant on other people to give me that extra push. Even then, their efforts were to no avail.

I have no idea how to combat my defeatist attitude. They have no idea …

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2

No problem

  June 6th, 2015 by AolePilikia

I don’t really have problems. My life is pretty awesome. I am surrounded by people who love me, I am likable, I am cute, and I make other people happy. I can’t really ask for more.

But there is a hollowness to all of it. An emptiness that I have felt for many years. And under that, a pain that I have been pushing down and burying deep, deep inside.

I don’t know why it hurts, just that it always has. When I think about it, I can feel it. I’m always aware of it. This terrible sucking, aching, vacuous throbbing that beats inside my chest and …

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0

When???

  June 5th, 2015 by Shalesnail

Screenshot_2015-05-08-14-44-43IMG_20150601_072218Ugh..where to start lol obviously the biggining I was raised by my grandma until age13 when I moved in with my mom for first time it was strange I had grown up with no power or running water on a farm an town life was totally new to me I quickly took up smoking pot for a few years but by age 15 I had moved to BC again to quesnel and by 17 had tried cocaine eventually my girl got pregnant and my mom …

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4

No matter what

  June 4th, 2015 by GalaxyEyesXx

Why do we pick days for suicide? I have been trying to plan mine for a fucking year, maneuvering the date around birthdays or special occasions. But then I realized, it doesn’t matter what day it is. It doesnt matter if we leave a note expressing our apologies to loved ones or telling them how much we love them. It is never going to take the pain away. Suicide is selfish and I’m not going to bullshit myself anymore. It just is. But people make selfish decisions all the time, not revolving around death. I’m choosing this for me. For once in my life, I’m …

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2

If today is the worst day of your life…

  June 4th, 2015 by 2wolves

…then what is tomorrow?

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13

Imma just fucking jump off a bridge already. Whos with me?

  June 3rd, 2015 by BridgeJumper1994

Okay, so here it goes. Im nearing an ultimate moral downfall now. Ive went from fastening belts on my neck or swallowing a couple of pills to straight forward assaulting myself. I entirely despise my whole life. Life has caused me nothing but pain and suffering. Each day I struggle to wake up properly cause theres just no reason to go on doing things people usually do at all. I have closed myself inside my cage. I dont usually talk, Im not socializing anymore. Been abused in school, first sexually when I was 13, then bullied and some physical violence too. Parents beat me up …

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0

It’s all over

  June 3rd, 2015 by disgusting

My job is going under, so I’m out of a job. I’m homeless already and can’t pay to stay anywhere now. I’m disabled too but they say I’m perfectly fine so that I can’t so much as get a disabled bus pass. I have been promised full time with benefits for the last 8 months and now they are going out of business. And my love is begging for a place to stay too, and I had hoped so much to be able to get my own place so he could stay with me. I know he’ll never be mine and now what can I …

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0

  June 2nd, 2015 by shomotbh

how can you see

the pain in my eyes

then just let me be

and say goodbye

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4

My first ever post on SP: want to share something

  June 1st, 2015 by Broken_angel

(sorry,please forgive me for my bad English)
I joined Suicide project just a month ago.
I found this site when i was searching for The most easiest and less painful methods to kill myself on google. I read all the daily posts of of SP but never had that guts to post my own story. It really inspires me when i see how people are expressing their feelings,because i really can’t express my own feels to anybody.
I never tried to share my feelings to anybody,its really embarassing,
because I know nobody cares..and nobody will..I don’t talk much so they thinks Im moody,egoistic,
selfish,proudy and what not,but they don’t know …

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2

desperate

  June 1st, 2015 by treekoke1

I am 18 years old im not posting this for any other reason than to just do it, my lifes not always been easy but its not always been hard either ill admit that however all my life I’ve had bi polar schizophrenia I didn’t know about this till very recently and well my familys abandoned me they lied threw me out hell my moms a special ed teacher and well I never knew how hard this was going to be but I tried to commit suicide when I was 16 I rehabilitated and focused on positives it was ok till I was thrown out …

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4

Sick and they don’t know why.

  May 31st, 2015 by toriann

I have a 2yr old and 4yr old and I never thought I would be in this place. However I’ve been sick too long now. I’m tired of doctors visits and fighting. 5 days that’s when it started the desire to just disappear. After all one moment of pain for my children can save them from a lifetime of watching their mother die. My husband building more debt and being my babysitter. All I’m becoming now is a pathetic meat sack anyway. So what’s the point. They will blame it on the tumurs in my head and my family will be free from me. There …

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