General

For general topics related to the site.

3

Why

  October 5th, 2010 by Britney92

Most of you who will read this post will most likely think i’m not thinking straight or advise me to look at other problems that others are suffering then look at myself but it’s not about that. I just really wonder if there is anyone that could relate to me or even slightly understand me without any judgements. I am a senior in high school this year. About my life, well i’m a good student with good grades and i have friends, a family that cares and i’m also an athlete. But my problem is something different that combines all. I am really tired of …

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2

To specify my blindness

  October 5th, 2010 by tattoo400

The tumor that took my vision, did so, by smashing and thus killing my optical nerves. So that means that if you look at me, my eyes appear fine (as they are) so I have to make a really quick decision as to how I want to deal with who ever it is I am talking to…….do I want to try to nutshell the fact that I was blinded by a HUGE brain tumor and tell them that I can’t see real well OR just act as though I am fine (even though I am clearly not ok) So when people see me texting or …

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1

I live for the idea of the calm it would bring.

  October 5th, 2010 by Ajeno

I live in Scotland, have been a sufferer of severe depression for as long as I can remember and I have become complacent (or is it fearful?) with that depression. When it was at it’s worst, there was no limit to the harm I did to myself. It seems the “comforts” have deluded me to the extent that despite resenting every minute of breathing out of this pointless body and into this redundant dead land, I get transfixed on the “comforts” and numb myself into acknowledging nothing.

It’s time to change this now. To get back to the level I was at before, the person who …

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4

My thoughts at 3:04am

  October 5th, 2010 by nataliabrooke

Hi there, I am a 17 year old girl living in Australia. I have never told anybody about what goes on inside my head. I have never told anyone how sometimes I lie awake and I think about dying. I guess I think they wouldn’t understand.

I don’t know when it started. I suppose it was kind of a progressive thing – with all the little misfortunes adding up to one complete breakdown. I started having problems coping with my year 12 – something that meant alot to me. Also,  family problems escalated and after that I began having serious money and relationship problems.

I haven’t bought …

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3

What’s the point?

  October 5th, 2010 by hopeless84

I live in London and want to end my life using H2s, but I need someone who has the ingredients and knows how to do it (or alternatively a gun) I’m quite desperate.

It’s got to the point where I see no reason to live, any positive thoughts about the future are shortlived, because I can’t spend it with the one person I wanted to. Without her, the process of living seems mundane. I wanted to travel the world, to try a thousand new experiences, but without her, it just wouldn’t be the same. Without her I see my future more clearly – I’ll be alone, …

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0

the fakest smile ever…

  October 5th, 2010 by tattoo400

So here it is…..another day in this god damned life not worth living. I am sure I will get that same BS question that everyone asks: ” How’s it going?” and I want to scream: “I don’t do much except SUFFER, so NO life sucks and I don’t want to be here any more!!!” but of course I always some the same shit…..”I’m okay I suppose” but if they REALLY cared, they would inquire more into the meaning behind “I suppose” but they don’t because we are supposed to be on top of our problems not drowning beneath them….

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16

There are worse things than dying. Namely, living.

  October 5th, 2010 by chezmew

I’m really hoping this site is confidential because the worst thing about being suicidal is being all alone.  You can’t tell your family or friends because they can’t impassively listen–they just want to call the police or your doctor.  You can’t tell your doctor or therapist because they will give you a one-way ticket to the ward.  The truth is, I’m just lonely.  I want to die, I just want to talk and this is not a cry for help.  I have these strong feelings raging inside me and sadly I’ve not got even one person to just confide in.  It will be kind of …

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1

2nd year anniversary today

  October 4th, 2010 by Dairine

My partner commited suicide 2 years ago. It still hurts. His last words to me were: “I love you, always remember that.” It should have ran a bell.
Words dont come easy. I wish I could let it all go and move on. It’s different loosing a partner versus a family member. Somehow, the relationship is replaceable, I hope one day to have a new spouse. My friends wont ever have a new brother, son or father. His name was Mic. He was my soulmate. A broken one at that, but with such beauty and such love in his heart. What I miss the most …

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0

To See ME

  October 4th, 2010 by Violet Blake

For so long….looking into the mirror,

I saw only a reflection of an image,

a stranger looking back at me.

When looking into my eyes,

I saw only emptiness, a void.

Beneath thos eyes were many fears,

fears of pain,

fears of sorrow,

fears of hoplessness.

How could I not know this face before me,

as I stood looking the mirror?

Where was this person that I used to be,

why couldn’t I see?

Turning again looking into the mirror,

I saw my life, one that had gone out,

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2

pain

  October 4th, 2010 by modygw

I love one person in this world and she treats me like garbage right now. I cant believe this happening. She loved me more than I thought, and I can believe she doing this. I didn’t anything wrong to her. She thinks I cant give her perfect life in the future. Maybe im not that perfect, but I can do something, something not that bad. That is the only reason she have to forget all that I did for her. Is this the meaning of life?  Maybe for someone else, not for me. I cant stop crying and still love her so much. im going …

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0

Rest in Peace

  October 4th, 2010 by leonidas

i just want to escape from it all… escape my mind, my body, my life… i feel useless to all… as i feel the blade cutting through my veins, i can feel the the liquids dripping down my arm… i can almost smell the blood.. i can almost taste my tears running though my face… i can feel my eyes shutting down unwittingly. trying to stay awake as much as i can, so i can feel the pain that i have enflicted onto you.. now that this is happening you can lay to rest in peace!!

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4

i just want it to end!!

  October 4th, 2010 by leonidas

So this has been riding my ass for years now!! everyone tries to help me.. but i cant seem to shake it off!! i just want to feel like i belong… i lost my wife and son two years ago!! but since then i fell like a complete looser!! like i dont belong… like i shouldn’t even try!! its either financially, or communicative!! if that is even a word!! i love my ex and of course my son!! but since i moved to New Jersey from California… i really havent been there.. there… and since my family had noticed the distance between me and my …

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0

A day that changed my life

  October 4th, 2010 by markh12405

My name is mark, this is my story, i had to goto work early on a saturday monring, and my fiance of five years had the weekend off and wanted to drink. Since she wanted to drink i asked her to not invite alot of people, and dont spend much on beer, so she agreed. When i woke up in the moring our apartment was trashed, and she was passed out on the couch, so i just went to work. When i had returned from work i had questioned her about it and she got mad at me and got up and left, its like …

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0

Medical PROBLEMS

  October 4th, 2010 by tattoo400

 

Type 1 Diabetes (3-4 shots a day for life), Clear Cell Meningioma, Internal pain, constant mental anguish over what I was SUPPOSED to be and what I am not.
Sure the mental anguish is not a physical problem but it will be when it ends up being the driving force behind me making my exit from this bullshit life. The other problems are in fact my own body turning on itself (pancreas decided to attack itself when I was 15 and therefore left me a hardcore diabetic for life (I am a chicken shit about needles and

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3

Living with chronic pain

  October 4th, 2010 by Ornithopter

Hey SP,

I have lived with excruciating headaches for the past 5 years now.  I also have comorbidities that include chronic fatigue, mild social anxiety, and inherently – depression.  Its taken me YEARS to figure out the cause, have bounced between a dozen different doctors and have spent thousands of dollars, but have learned that its just really bad TMJ, or jaw clenching (when I sleep).

However, this problem is not easily solved.  I have tried almost everything to cure it.  Spent 2 grand on a custom nightguard from my dentist, acupuncture, therapy, meditation, TENS, physical therapy, craniosacral massage 2x a week, muscle relaxers.  My dad has …

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7

Please help

  October 4th, 2010 by Kerry

I’ve never really done this before but i feel asif i have no other way of letting my feelings out, i am 17 years old and recently for the past month or more i have been feeling asif i dont want to be here anymore i feel asif no one out there cares for me at all in the past i have tried suicide and almost worked one time i took an overdose. But recently i carnt trust no one i dont know what to do. 3 weeks ago i got raped, and drugs forced onto me and i couldnt do a think. i have …

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2

The balls to do it

  October 4th, 2010 by tattoo400

I wish offing ones self was easier! Even with my physical suffering as fuel for the suicide engine…….I still get nervous even just thinking about putting the bag over my head or pulling the trigger on my shotgun. I guess I am just waiting until the straw that broke the camels back finally drops and gives me the balls needed to leave this life behind. So far I have everything…(no religious worry’s, plenty of suicide methods, etc.) the only thing I don’t have yet is the balls to take that final breath.

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4

It’s nice to know…

  October 4th, 2010 by Darby

that there are other people like me out there. I wake up and try and get through the day as best I can, but I feel as though it’s all aiming towards nothing. My outlook on life is bleak – it sounds like generic “I’m depressed” shit.. but hey, I guess I’m another generically depressed person. Death is on my mind constantly, I feel like being alive is the most selfless thing I can possibly do, because I know I’m not alive because I want to be. I’m alive because I can’t bear the thought of hurting everyone, or someone I love having to find …

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1

Sic

  October 4th, 2010 by Jake

I know the other side of suicide. Three years ago my girlfriend hung herself in our garage. I can tell you that it was the most horrible, devastating experience of my life. I felt like a planet knocked out of orbit. I didn’t sleep for months….imagining what she’d experienced in the minutes before and after. It changed me.

Ironic that now I sit here debating my own life. I’ve debated killing myself since I was about 13 years old. I’m 40 now, and my life has been a series of extreme highs and lows. I always seem to end up in the low. Always.

Ill spare you …

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1

another day….another lie

  October 4th, 2010 by tattoo400

Living, breathing GHOST……life taken for cosmic balance…….

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