General

For general topics related to the site.

2

NRTL #3

October 20th, 2009by DEADALREADY

I wrote this four days ago.

……………….I’m not sure why I have let myself be trapped in this horrible body for so long. Maybe I just need to let go of those small emotional attachments so I can finally get out of this body. I’ve said before that I am not ugly, this is actually not true, I was being nice/lying to myself. I am ugly in many physical ways. My huge head and fat face, my small hands and arms, my awkwardly broad frame, my terrible skin, my stupid stupid sounding voice (my voice makes me sound like a total fucking idiot who is …

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2

The biggest word: “if”

October 20th, 2009by n0thing

Suicide. I suppose it’s something I’ve battled with since I was about 12 years old. I was separated from both of my parents after both of them went to prison. I had a very difficult time coping with the break-up of my family. I went into my grandmothers medicine cabinet after she went to sleep and took 12 tylenol p.m. I thought to my self, I’ll be just like Elvis or Marilyn Monroe I just wont wake up tomorrow. I awoke and was surprised to still be alive.
The next time I attempted suicide I was 21 and lost a close friend. I was in …

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2

more_hate_life

October 20th, 2009by katherineendsitnow

Today I called my college and dropped out of one of my classes. I talked with my parents about this and they fully support my decision. After my dad and I talked about this, he took me off to the side and told me, “You seem to be going down hill again… Do you want to talk about it?”
I said, “No. You just wouldn’t understand.”
Then my dad said, “Please talk to me Katie.”
I turned and look at him and said, “Justin (my boyfriend of 7years) and I are on a …

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3

Want to get live over with/ Desperately want to figure a reason to live.

October 20th, 2009by AudioWilson

I am obsessed with suicide. I tend to get obsessed with things until I solve them, or find something new to be obsessed with.
And I kind of want to do it.
I have been thinking of killing myself for over a year, every day. Theres the odd exception, like the week I went back to uni, because there was a lot going on.

The problem is, I’m not sure what to live for. I don’t really understand why anybody stays alive.

I kind of feel like nothing I do will be of any significance, drawing the graphic novel I want to draw, completing my medical degree, even if …

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1

alone

October 19th, 2009by alanfagan

There s lonliness in the echo, of a distant bell s chime, the true living dead,like the halting of time. Alone in a crowd, such a slow dismal life, filled with thoughts of abandon, of terror and strife. Oh where is my path?,please show me my light, take me from this darkness, this black pitch of night. I want to be happy, i want to be loved, take away my dilemma, of being pushed ,pulled and shoved.I ve love to be offered, but accepted by whom, there are so many hearts but for me there s no room. Have i left it too late, to …

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2

hate_life_.

October 19th, 2009by katherineendsitnow

right now my life consists of mounds of college homework, working 20 to 40 hours per week, family, and a 7 year relationship with my boyfriend. I have already been diagnosed with severe depression, severe anxiety, and ptsd post traumatic stress disorder). So even though I went through therapy and atayed in the hospital for weeks on end against my will because i tried commiting suicide and not to mention i am currently on meds, i am still terribly depressed and anxious. I don’t know what to do anymore. it seems like once i’m doing good and am happy for a short period of time.. …

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1

NRTL #2

October 19th, 2009by DEADALREADY

Here is more of the stuff I have written recently about why I constantly think about killing myself.

Living to survive, surviving to live. LIVE TO MAKE MONEY SO YOU CAN SURVIVE….AND MAKE MONEY.

For me personally, I see no value for me to continue to survive just so I can keep surviving. I also don’t see why I (or anyone) should have to dedicate my life (majority of waking hours) to continue run on a treadmill (a job) just so I can make money so I can continue to survive for the sake of surviving when I have no real reason to continue to survive …

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7

It has to be done tonite

October 19th, 2009by fla87

After my first attempt, someone told me that something like 75% of people that attempt suicide and fail will attempt again and by successful. Now I am sitting here alone in my room, already have made my plan and I can’t get that statistic out of my head. But honestly I can’t seem to get anything out of my head these days.

I’m not sure if I want to go into my “reasons” for doing this because after psychiatric counseling, mental wards, rehabs, and etc, I’ve realized there is no point in trying to explain a reason. I’ve been told there is no reason. Suicide is …

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38

I want to disappear.

October 19th, 2009by tate

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t think I deserve to be on this page with everyone else’s sorry little sob stories. My life is not as fucked up as yours. I do not have as much pain and agony in my memory sacks. I haven’t been divorced, cheated on, abused. I’ve suffered no major deaths, no traumatic incidents. I cut, but only a little and never dangerously. I feel alone, but I know everyone loves me. Really I just feel I should be happy and cheerful… But I’m not.

Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I just want something to be …

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3

please let me help

October 19th, 2009by whydiebeforeyourtime@gmail.com

hey everyone.

i don’t have too much to say but i’ll start off by mentioning that this post isn’t at all for myself.

there are a lot of people who come to this site and write down their experiences/situations for others to read, but many of us here don’t really receive help.

the only way things fall away from goodness is because of a lack of God. so basically what i’m trying to say is that if you really want to make your life and yourself better, you need Him, and you need Him more than just an hour a week.

if you’d like to talk about Him or …

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2

NRTL

October 17th, 2009by DEADALREADY

Hi. I am going to start posting some stuff that I have wrote in the past several months about how I feel and why I feel this way. Here is the first piece of the puzzle that I am going to post here, one of the oldest.

I am a white male in my early twenties and I will likely live a short a life, mostly because very undesirable body and within that, my small hands and arms, bad teeth, huge head, bad stretch marks, fat belly, and my small and crooked penis; Its is roughly 4.8in by 4.8in. Besides this I am ugly but not …

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2

why do i look so happy when im not

October 17th, 2009by Mizzexclusive

i may appear all smiles but thats how well i hide my pain

i may appear all smiles but thats how well i hide my pain[/caption

life is so fucking hard.but without life what is there? i mean could u imagine absolutely nothing. i mean nothing. no life no air no water or rain no heat no cold. i mean what happens when the world comes to an end? what will become of anything. i cant imagine. anyway to go off topic, what i realized about majority of these posts is us suicidals are smart as shyt. the …

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5

Whose call?

October 17th, 2009by susan5

Does it ever happen to anyone that this shit just comes out of the blue? It does for me, every couple of months, weeks, for no reason, I just get this overwhelming desire to die. If I’m lucky, it only lasts a couple of weeks, but sometimes it goes on for months. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life, because at those times, nothing matters, all I can think of is just putting an end to myself. I walk by rivers, I think about drowning, I walk by trees, I think about hanging, I look at a knife, and there’s another sweet death …

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0

the shit id jus adding up

October 17th, 2009by Mizzexclusive

okay so i met this guy who reassured me that he could add money to my bank account.he  lied stole all the money from my account and in the end made my account negative. problem with that is my mom has a temper and get real mad real quick. she may throw me out because our account was joint. than she finds me a job at her place only to find out that i cant work there becuz of a recent drug test i failed….for that she is surely to throw me out. ill be jus that lucky if hse can throw me into ongoing …

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3

Sick & Tired – no joke, so no humor(stupidity) please

October 17th, 2009by halfangel

New to this site! I am an almost 50 year old female. I have been trying to commit suicide off and on for about 10 years.

I don’t want to hear any “don’t do it”, “life is worth living”, “you’re fucked up”, etc. type of replies!!

I started my entire life as I knew it, virtually over, 10 years ago after being unhappy for approx. 5 years before that.

Nothing goes right! I take a step forward and am forced 3 steps back (or more!) I’ve been on anti-depressants (in increasing amounts), tried to commit suicide, I don’t know how many times (at least 7 or 8). I …

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2

i don’t know what to do.

October 17th, 2009by feelinghopeless

I’m feeling a bit hopeless right now, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m depressed a lot and I’ve been thinking about suicide lately, I just don’t feel like life is worth it anymore. I love my family and I think they’re the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet. I’m always faking a smile, I just feel so screwed up lately. I had an easy life I guess it was just filled with a lot of pain and distrust, I can’t trust anyone because of what happened to me when I was younger. Now, I wasn’t raped or molested or anything, but my …

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5

seventy cuts below the waist.

October 16th, 2009by Shelbinicole

Last night my boyfriend pissed me off so i did the one thing i
have learned to do; cut. The thing is though i made a promise
to him that i wouldn’t cut anymore so i had to hide it…
i cut right below my belly. over seventy times. i am so
tired of this life… i want to disappear.

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3

I want to die

October 16th, 2009by Ross

Everything seems so pointless to me. I’m endlessly depressed, due to a huge variety of medical conditions, and nothing has ever been able to stop that. I feel completely overwhelmed and can barely control my own life. I know mentally that the problems that I am facing are not even a fraction as bad as the vast majority of other people who post on this blog, but that really doesn’t register for me. Life seems so pointless. Economically speaking even: http://www.slate.com/id/2090424/
Really, I know that I have pretty much nothing bad about my life. Many would even call it idyllic. …

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4

back to this… a new, yet familiar, low…

October 16th, 2009by blahblahblah

i want to wake up. i want the last two years to be a hideous nightmare. i want to be in the arms of my wife. i want to still be happy. i don’t want to be happy again. i don’t want to me married again. i need to be happy still, and married still. i need this surreal excuse for existence to part like mist on a sunny day. i need a sunny day.

last year, i failed at ending my life as badly as i failed at living it. i now have even more to …

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5

Just Want To DIE!!!

October 16th, 2009by Kieylee102

Right now I just feel like killing myself because everyone is causing me to get so upset that it’s making me sick. So if I die there will be no more problems and I’ll stop feeling so sick. I just want to cry and tell them all to go fuck off and die. But I know I can’t do that so I just want to take what ever sharp thing I can find and cut myself everywhere and then stab myself so that I just die in my own pool of blood. Then everyone will be so happy. Everyone says that they’re my friend but …

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