General

For general topics related to the site.

2

im lost

  May 7th, 2010 by sleepwalker1986

well im an illegal immigrant so everyone treats me like scum. bad things always pile up on me and when i ask for help i always get told im being a whiny *****.most of my family cant stand me an a girl i was with for a few years left me.we were engaged but she said i was too good and didnt know how to react to that so she was cruel to me and eventually we broke up.its hard to find a job in my situation.my friends seem to have alienated me and i attempted suicide by swallowing a bottle of pills.amazingly enough i …

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1

Feelings of Hopelessness

  May 7th, 2010 by mylife247

I am so very grateful to have this website since it gives me the opportunity to vent. I have been having nightmares ever since I found out that there’s a great possibility that I may be hiv positive. I have already mentally prepared myself for the worst and feel like just ending this crappy life that leads us to the same place. They told me to wait until God makes that decision, but I really don’t like playing russian roulette. I want answers and I don’t know where to find them. My family don’t really care about me otherwise they would have shown up to …

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0

Jan 17, 1991 poem

  May 7th, 2010 by Tika

I take this chance to tell you all things real
These things tend to take over when it’s all that you feel.
Deep down inside
It hurts to my soul
But before it’s too late
It seems you must know.
These selfish lies,
Convincing me they are true,
Only make me leery of every believing you.
All this heartless lying,
Insisting you are true,
None of it is real,
Only now
I see through you.
If you love me so
It’s best not to lie.
If it’s habit you must break,
Then harder you should try.
I know you say you love me,
And know I love you, too,
But if it’s me you want…
I wouldn’t lie if I were you.

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2

so tired

  May 6th, 2010 by wall-flower

I’m just tired of being tired. I don’t particularly want to die, I just want the heaviness to be gone and the feelings of rejection to stop and the slow tears to end. I always end up back here- alone, useless, desperate. I try to reach out to people when I feel like this, but I can sense that they don’t want to be around me. It’s always when I feel like this that I’m alone with noone to be with, noone who cares. Or maybe it’s the other way around…
Anyhow, I’m just tired and tired …

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1

Time to contribute

  May 6th, 2010 by _

I come here every day, oh for the last six months. Hearing other peoples stories and pain helps me in some sick way.

Well I’m sick of life and have been since I was 11 I am now 25, which means for more than half of my life I have wanted to be gone. My main problem is the world, America, the disgust and materialism, fake people, lack of connection. I just feel that any person who wakes up happy to participate in this disgusting charade of a society should be ashamed of themselves.

I’m also very lonely. I haven’t seriously dated someone for sixyears. And although it …

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1

I could always try again

  May 6th, 2010 by smllbab

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Death. I keep waiting for it to come to me but it refuses. Maybe there is something out there for me. Some bigger plan that I’m just unaware of. Or maybe I’m meant to die, by my own choice.

I would definitely do it different this time. Screw the pills, they didn’t do anything for me last time. But this time would be different. This time I couldn’t fail. I would jump. I would find a place overlooking the beauty that God blessed us with and I would hurl myself into the fresh chilled air.

The wind rushing through …

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3

How do you go back?

  May 5th, 2010 by Legendria

I recently stumbled upon this website while searching for ways to overcome my suicidal intentions. Though I’ve been having depression for a number of years, I’ve never actually constructed or attempted suicide, only kept it in my imagination. But a few days ago, I actually made a noose, complete with testing to see if it would work. I’m getting worried.

My brother told me to go back to work so that my mind is occupied with other things, but I’m afraid because the last time I worked, I had a mental breakdown right in the office. My question is, how do the rest of you, who …

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0

endgame.

  May 5th, 2010 by everwaiting

I am so,  so ready to not-be.

To be done.

To cash in my chips and lose and be aloud to leave.

A river runs through this university town, a great roiling mess of a wide, wide river.  Students drown themselves in it every few semesters. I keep thinking of how easy it would be to go out Woolf-style, rocks in the pockets of my much-loved navy blue peacoat, weeds and water and diseased fish pulling at my hair. I really think I’m going to do it. I’m sitting here in my bedroom, imagining the walk to the river, knowing I won’t do it.

I just want to die. …

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3

my suicidal tales

  May 5th, 2010 by death4life

i have been depressed for years…since i was 11 and started middle school. god knows, it started with ‘voices’. that’s the lie i’ve told everyone and to this day it haunts me how i can look someone straight in the face and tell a dark and deep lie.

many attempts were made…all included pills of some kind. it didn’t matter which ones…advil, aleeve, tylenol, parents prescription pills, solodyn, sleeping pills, anything.

but now…after years of attempts, about 2 months ago i was admitted into the psych ward emergency room at new york presbyterian hospital and i stayed there for 4 days (it was a cell…literally a three …

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3

My story

  May 5th, 2010 by chigirl

Thanks to whoever put up this website.  This is a great idea.  Much more helpful to let people going through a hard time talk things out themselves than just give them the generic advice of “don’t do it.”

I’m going through a rough time.  The last 6 months, really, have been rough. I’ve thought about committing suicide several times.  It would be very easy for me – I live in a high rise and have a balcony that I could jump off of onto cement.  Ok yeah sure people say that even with a high fall you might not die, you may just be paralyzed or …

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6

Chronic pain kills.

  May 4th, 2010 by JTJ

I’m 27 years old. Very soon I’ll be advancing to the big two-eight, but my life has been over for almost five years.

I’ve never considered myself to be the suicidal type. I was an angst-riddled teenager once — it seems like it was a lifetime ago — and while I did suffer a minor stress-related nervous breakdown in 2002, I never seriously considered taking my life. I wanted to take the life of others — I abandoned high school when I was sixteen after an incident in which I almost beat a well-known, well-feared bully to death with a steel shopworks chair — but never …

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2

Untitled

  May 4th, 2010 by Tika

All these doubts stabbing fiercely at my heart,
Cutting me
Tearing me
Ripping me apart.
I question if you love me
And even if you care,
But ask of you, shamefully,
I wouldn’t ever dare.
Intention may not have it,
Selflessness I do not heed,
But do you have a purpose
For leaving my soul to bleed?

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6

I’m still alive….

  May 4th, 2010 by Tika

Gray, I have many poems. But this one I wrote the day I graduated high school.

All these doubts you said would heal

But time just can’t undo

the humility, pain, and torment

I was obviously going through.

I hesitated to pull the trigger

But with the gun up to my head

I fell back onto my pillow

I laid there and I bled.

All the drugs I was thinking

Simply wouldn’t ever do,

So daddy,

Here it is, the gun I took from you.

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6

Just needed to talk.

  May 4th, 2010 by ineedhelp

I’m sitting in a motel room alone with nothing but my thoughts and it weighs so heavily on me. Why would an otherwise logical person have such self-destructive thoughts. I feel utterly lonely and hopeless and the possibility of ending my own life is a constant companion in my mind. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t feel and the only solace I have is trying to describe my solitude. I just feel enveloped with darkness and despair. On several occasions, I’ve told my girlfriend of my situation as a desperate plea for help. She treats me like a leper and doesn’t acknowledge the …

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1

Confused and tired

  May 4th, 2010 by void878

I don’t know where to begin and this is the first time I have shared any of these feelings before. I’ve had a pretty messed up life since I was 10 and now I’m 18 and sometimes my life just gets so much more complicated that it already was, and so annoying and stressful that it all mounds up into a big load of stress and depression in my mind. I have insomnia because at night all I think about is how to get myself out of this mess. I think I could have depression because theres times when I am really happy and just …

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2

Where’s the silence?

  May 3rd, 2010 by Lock and Key

The words I’ll never get to say stream down my face.

The world is filled with haters.

The bullies waiting for there next prey.

Families falling apart because of one suicide attempt almost a total succeed and no one understanding the silent pain.

The question:

“Are you insane?”

“Why would you do that?”

“Does it hurt?”

“Is it for attention?”

The words that hurt more than my razor:

“Posser!”

“You should continue cutting yourself!”

“No one cares!”

“Waist of oxygen!”

“You should stop.”

And more and more.

The words fill my head I spin trapped in dispare.

Why can’t the world stay silent?

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3

This is my story

  May 3rd, 2010 by Lock and Key

Suicide is all I feel in me. I attempted to kill myself ever since I was seven. I felt like ever since my dad died before I even went to kinder my life was nothing, and that’s coming from a five year old.
I’ve been ignored by my mom and younger brother and when they do pay attention it’s just so they can see my reaction after they put me down, but to them I’m the one in the wrong.
When I was seven my mom would beat me and my brother, I would sit in the corner and hide my tears and try to …

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4

Suicide

  May 3rd, 2010 by Xatu

If you cut you get tagged as an emo. If you burn you get tagged as a hero. We want to die but do not want to harm others. We are sad, angry at our own lives for we feel useless and empty. Even so, learn what I have learnt: Life is what YOU make of it, not what others expect you to make of it. You lack motivation? Then take a break and look for it. You failed a semester or two? That’s fine, retake them. You yourself cause yourself NO stress, it is those around us who pressure us into thinking that what …

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2

I’m feeling so weird….

  May 3rd, 2010 by Evan

The other day I met a girl and we talked. We talked about suicide and just misery in general. We connected so well. I have never had someone care so much and be so understanding. Now I feel so miserable, all I do is think about the conversation we had and about her. She was so comforting, but all I feel now is pain. I hate how I get so obsessed when a girl opens up to me. I want to be with her but I know that will never happen. I just want to rid myself of this. I can’t take the pain and …

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1

…..Waiting for the end

  May 3rd, 2010 by sKaVeNGeR

Afraid to get the oils from my hands on the razor blade…..I am careful…only using my thumb and pointer finger….I hold in my hand…my possible death weapon….an item so small, it could take the life of even a giant….a slow killer indeed….it must be slow…sliding…and slipping into this deep world in which…only the sick people can live…sigh…it feels good…the sharp edge against my clean, shaved, hairless forearm…I whimper just a tad to know that I am alive…and press even harder, to cause such deeper wounds than the last….suddenly I pause…I gaze at the clock…then to the song that is playing on my iPod….then to the …

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