General

For general topics related to the site.

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desperate

  October 29th, 2008 by Kat42

My friend killed herself two weeks ago and this weekend I have to go and visit her brother, I want to because I love him very much but this is all too much for me and I feel like my boyfriend can not handle what I have to say, I feel guilty about so many things. My head is pounding. I am just watching time tick away knowing that I really don’t matter that much at all in the grand scheme of things, my feelings are not taken as seriously as they should be by me or anyone else. I am drowning.
Since I was [...]
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Guilty

  October 28th, 2008 by tml

Today, I was in a head on car accident. Two weeks ago I prayed to God that he would kill me some how so I didn’t have to do it myself. When I walked away from that accident today a large portion of who I am was angry I didn’t die. It would have been perfect. My family wouldn’t of blamed me, it would have looked like an accident. I feel like all I am good for, is for someone to get pleasure from my pain. I just want to give my love away, to love a family, love a husband. All day long people [...]
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Guilty

  October 28th, 2008 by tml

Today, I was in a head on car accident. Two weeks ago I prayed to God that he would kill me some how so I didn’t have to do it myself. When I walked away from that accident today a large portion of who I am was angry I didn’t die. It would have been perfect. My family wouldn’t of blamed me, it would have looked like an accident. I feel like all I am good for, is for someone to get pleasure from my pain. I just want to give my love away, to love a family, love a husband. All day long people [...]
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Tired………..

  October 28th, 2008 by bleep

My life is one big train wreck. What seems to be the biggest hurdle in my life is the after effects of my incest. The earliest memory of my father abusing me is around 3 or 4 years old. I am not really sure because I have blocked out most of my growing up years. I have struggled for many years to beat this game. I am angry that I am a survivor. I am angry that I have to deal with this shit at all. I am at a place that I have been before and it [...]
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WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER

  October 27th, 2008 by RAVENSPROBLEMBOX

Ok:

For as long as I can remember… dating back to even kindegarten.. yep I remember feeling like this then.. I have been walking around with this feeling and allow me to tell you it is awful. One would think I should be used to this … stomach always in my throat… never feeling as if I fit in.. lonely… never good enough.. just want to be alone but then I get lonely.. etc. etc. etc.////One would thing I am used to feeling this “FEELING” but I am not. I have been in therapy for almost 4 years.. been a drug addict… became an Rn… raised [...]
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Suicidal…again

  October 27th, 2008 by Callum

I used to be depressed and suicidal. There were a number of reasons for this that I would rather not talk about, but not a day went by thta I did not think about death and killing myself. The day came when I started making lists of everything I had to be grateful for: lists that steadily grew smaller and smaller as the things and people I loved gradually died to me. One day, U was poised to finally commit suicide, ready to die, but something stopped me. I decided to wait, and gradually my life got better. It improved, and I found that I [...]
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I want to die !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  October 27th, 2008 by Dancavscout1-303

Some people say war is Hell . Well not being good enough to go with your buddies is worse! The army made that choice for me . I wanted to go with my boys but the army said I cant . Shame is a terrible thing!!! But so is begging for help you cant get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forgive me.


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DA6

  October 25th, 2008 by DA6

When I was 6 I wanted to know what was dangerous about the high tension lines, my sisters simply said if you touch them you die, I asked for details, but instead of hearing about electrocution they just told me that when you die you go to sleep and never wake up and never see anyone ever again.

I went to my room, opened a pencil, and ate the lead, as I knew that the metal lead was poisonous. Obviously it did not work, but lucky for me I realised that it was as though i were in a room with a light switch, and a [...]
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why?

  October 25th, 2008 by daddiesgirl167

this life so far has been shit… well this year. im 18 years old and in my senoir year of high school i fell apart. in may of 2008 my father passed away. he wasnt just my dad he was my best friend. the one to run and talk to when i was fighting with my mom(they were divorced). it was hard enof living in two houses. when he passed away i was engaged to a guy named Brian. he was everything to me. my dad liked him my mom loved him. it was perfect. 2 months after my dad passed he left me for [...]
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still a problem after all these years

  October 24th, 2008 by sign

Growing up…I was a depressed child. I was so different from my family. My family didn’t know what to do about me, but being the only girl, I was always treated like a ‘time bomb’ waiting to happen. I was always treated like I did something wrong. I was under strict rules, as opposed to my brothers…rarely allowed to do things with friends, rarely allowed to stay after school for anything fun. My parents had so many boys, that with a girl, my father beleived I would be the worst, as I could get pregnant and all. For years… I [...]
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Stupid

  October 23rd, 2008 by sigleyy

I’m an alcoholic.I’ve been telling myself for half my life that I must stop drinking.I’ve been to a phsyciatrist,i’ve been to AA I’ve moved out of home and succeed to stop drinking but lost my wife doing so.I’m drinking now.I’m a very nice person.I hate life.I hate having loved ones because I know the pain they would feel if I jump.That thought of their pain adds to my pain whilst I’m still alive.I’m trapped.I must go through life suffering because I care about my families feelings.My son is my number one.Tears fall like rain and I choak ,swelling with dispair.I’m going to get the sack [...]
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Suicide Prevention Day

  October 21st, 2008 by ChrisIris

Today is a day to talk about something people don’t talk about often enough.

When I attempted suicide I was staying in my mom’s basement, temporarily, and I decided it was the final move. I was very depressed, and I didn’t talk about it at all (except to thousands of anonymous faces on the Internet). She didn’t want to read about my disorder, and neither did my stepfather. There was a language barrier. And a willingness – they had their own idea of what bipolar was and didn’t want that challenged.

I had been depressed a long time and part of it was chronic, intrusive [...]
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I’m sorta silly

  October 18th, 2008 by JoeyJo

Who has seen “The Dark Knight” ? Latley I feel I have been acting like the Joker. Out of no where for reasons I don’t understand I am more grim than ever and having suicidal thoughts. Silly little insane thoughts. If I killed myself:

I would use rainbow colors and glitter on my noose and surround my feet with candy so when people freak out and throw themselves at my feet, “oh look! Candy” to brighten their dark times.

Or if my retired officer dad finally wanted to get rid of his pathetic, dumb, good for nothing, daughter he’d use one of his beloved guns and [...]
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Why?

  October 15th, 2008 by mikro


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Final words…

  October 15th, 2008 by ray ray

I always told myself that suicide is the most selfish act one can do. Well, I guess I never experienced pain as I am now and have since the end of September. I have tried so many times to understand why I am in the situation I am in. I have been accused of some sexual criminal offenses which are false allegations. The allegations alone are enough to make me want to die because it is a person I am (was) very close to. I love her so much and I’d never do anything to harm her in any way. [...]
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Looking for a reason to keep trying…

  October 11th, 2008 by jess

I have mostly Major/Clinical Depression, however last year I had
a full-blown Maniac 10 month period that ended with me being
put in jail for 6 months (it was obvious to me and a few Psychs
that there was no crimal intent in what I did) however the police
officer booked me for 2 felonies…

So, at age 25 I was playing professional football (SD Chargers)
when I first became ill with major/suicidal depression. Along
with alcoholism and some mania this period lasted about 5
years and completely distroyed my life.

Starting over I found AA and it seemed as if a miracle had happened
(ie no [...]
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life is meaningless

  October 8th, 2008 by black metal death

im not quite sure why i am writing on this page, nor do i care weather it helps anyone, i guess i just need to vent. I have had severe depression since age 10. I tried to jump off my thereipist’s balcony at age 10. I do admit my mind was in a shitty place and i wasant thinking clearly, but the police pulled me down. I spent a week in a mental hostipital. Ever since then my life has felt like a bit of a black abyss. I keep falling farther and farther down into a spirial of drugs, depression, and misanthropy. I [...]
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Time to step out!

  October 7th, 2008 by readytogo

I’m still “considering my options”, but I’m pretty sure its time to step out of this life and move on to whatever lies ahead.

I’m not sure I’m depressed. I don’t like that word. I’m just finished with this project that was my life. I took some wrong turns and can’t get it back on track. About 5 years ago, I had a non-psychotic medical condition for which I was prescribed anti-depressants. Something told me it was a bad idea, and I questioned the doctor on it, but he assured me that I needed to take it. Well that was the time suicide first entered [...]
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Nothing is right, Will it ever be?

  October 7th, 2008 by A Soldier

I am an eighteen year old american soldier……My father was a soldier and is very proud of the fact I am. My mother is proud of it also…..

Yet everyday I feel as if nothing matters. I feel the cruelty of the average person. I have done nothing to these people yet they act as if I don’t have feelings or they don’t care themselves. My brother is in a mental hospital. My sister is in Las Vegas randomly somewhere. My little sister is still in [...]
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What next?

  October 5th, 2008 by slcauthen

1990 when I was in labor with my daughter I died for 15 minutes on the table as they tried to save her and then me. It was the most encrediable feeling. No pain, no worry, nothing. I stood next to the table with my hand on my head watching the doctors shout at each other. Then a man with blue eyes looked right at me and BANG I was back in my body.
After that it made living hard. I have always been afraid to commit suicide for one reason, Iwas a young women giving birth so it wasn’t my fault when I died.
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