You tell them that you want to find a beautiful place to die in. They question your motives. You say itâ€™s simply because youâ€™re tired. They tell you that maybe itâ€™s because you never sleep. You tell them that you are worn out. They donâ€™t understand why youâ€™re upset. You tell them that itâ€™s just who you are. They bring up the fact that you smile everyday. You try to explain to them that you smile to remind yourself of who you are. Theyâ€™re confused that youâ€™ve suddenly become a different person. You apologize for being a burden. They tell you not to worry but really, who wants to carry that kind of weight around. You apologize again because you can feel the regret in their words. They tell you that you donâ€™t need to apologize. You apologize yet again because you know that they would rather you have never told them in the first place. They watch you in uncomfortable silence. You cry because you realize that your thoughts were a mistake. They apologize to you for not being able to do anything. You tell them not to worry since itâ€™s clearly your fault. They donâ€™t respond. You stop crying and start smiling. They think youâ€™ve gotten over your seemingly random break down. You keep smiling. They ask you if youâ€™re okay. You say yes.
You will find that beautiful place tomorrow.