Rants

2

First post

August 7th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

“We do not chose to be born but we do have some kind of decision in the way we die”

It’s funny how life works at times. For as long as I can remember it’s been this way. I just don’t know if it is ever going to end. Its really hard, living like everything is fine. I tend to focus on other people’s problems then my own. To be able to survive this I tell myself that maybe there is a reason I’m like this but I’m tired of lying to myself, I’m tired of believing something that isn’t true and nothing but a sham.

I’m …

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6

How

August 7th, 2017by FrozenSammy

How do you survive when the world wants to crush you? I’ve had my fair share of shitty experiences. My mom almost died from an emergency heart open surgery, twice. I was in an extremely physical, mental, emotional and sexual abusive relationship. My parents used to punish me and my sisters by spanking us with metal blind closers. They said it was “the Lord’s rod of discipline” and I finally called them out on there bullshit. Then I came out as transgender, female to male, and gay. They are very Christian and still have not accepted me for who I am, it’s been over a …

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7

Succumbing Under the Pressure

August 6th, 2017by TheRoadSoFar

Tomorrow is my first official day at university, and I can already feel the crushing pressure. I’m feeling really anxious. Maybe some part of it can be due to the obvious “new stage” I’m going through in my life, but I’m really sure most of it is due to the whole “adult responsibilities” thingy I’m also going through. My anxiety is really killing me now.

For example, driving. I. Can’t. Fucking. Drive. A car. I get really really anxious and feel I’m going to fuck up, plus I have a fear of speed.
Also, I did a little research about some of the teachers I’m going …

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24

I’m in shock

August 6th, 2017by whenthepainoflivingistoomuch

I feel as if someone took a iron fist and rammed it right into my stomach and took a sword and put it through my heart.

I checked my email as I usually do this morning after breakfast.  There in  my in box was a name that I have not seen in months.  Someone that was a deep and close and personal friend of mine, that just stopped talking to me and I never knew why.

Now, I do.

I am here to share something with you that she sent me.  I am still crying about it and currently sitting in a police station waiting to talk to …

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11

Im broken. I don’t know how much longer I can do this

August 6th, 2017by eeyore

I honestly don’t know where to start. I don’t know why I’m at this stage of where being dead is more pleasing than being alive. I never thought I’d be in this position. This might be quite long. I just really need to let it all out. Not sure the type of response I need or expect but if you’re reading thank you I hope you’re well and okay.

Ok so I haven’t been diagnosed with depression. I’ve lost all desire to do anything. It’s either a.) I’m asleep alllll day or b.) I don’t sleep for three days straight. I just feel so low. …

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15

Always Jealous

August 5th, 2017by blackopal02

Do you ever look at someone else and wish so badly that you could be them? In fact I’d rather be anyone else other than me.

“Me” is ugly, gross, flawed, useless, unworthy of life and love, unathletic, selfish, jealous, and just an utterly disappointing piece of shit. Funny how I can list tons of negative adjectives about myself but can’t think of a single positive one. Guess it just goes to show that I really am a worthless loser.

When I see my peers, family, and other people on the street I strangely feel like they’re “showing off” even if they aren’t talking about …

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2

Cause and effect

August 4th, 2017by PrismaticGreyZone

In the sea of life, there are those who can’t swim. There are those who have help and there are those who don’t. There are those who try to help themselves but their efforts keep getting sabotaged by others and they are delayed or they never learn to swim or drown in an attempt.

Cause and effect. I stopped blaming my abusers the moment I realized it’s not their fault at the same time it is because it all comes down to moments of decisions that leaves a lifetime of effects. I cease to hate them because I’ve finally understood them. Now I’m just sad that …

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4

I Need a New Body – Mine’s a Worthless Lemon

August 4th, 2017by Hopeless89

I wish that I could be reborn in a new body. Cosmetically speaking, I have got to be one of the biggest freaks ever to exist. My body is a lemon. I have hideous body acne almost everywhere – including sometimes on my forearms. I’ve lost some hair. I have hideous teeth (possibly malocclusion). I am 28 years old but look like a puny 14-year-old. I’m also only 5’3.”

Before I continue, I must state that I know that these problems, individually, are not necessarily freakish (aside from forearm acne).

Yes, some people have bad body acne, and I’ve even found some rare examples online of people …

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2

transparency

August 3rd, 2017by takethistoyourgrave

((follow up to oscillate wildly))

so. maybe…2 weeks after i made my earlier post we moved from the apartments i hated. and i was so happy! i was doing so well mentally because we had a better place now. i dropped out of band in another effort to reduce stress and also because i lowkey hated band now, and the new place was about 10 minutes farther away from my school. if i had to get up at 5:45 in order to make practices then, it would be 5:25 now and…no thanks.

i just got back from a trip to the lake with a friend …

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1

Into Darkness

August 3rd, 2017by breaking_the_cycle

Fate balances in my hands

A swaying lover

Caught up in the embrace

A flick of the wrist

Is all that it takes

To the darkness I awake

Nowhere fills the rear view mirror

As the answer

Makes itself clear

My future has become

Stained with your blood

The scars of tomorrow

Forged in the fires of tonight

As bells ring in the distance

Marking the end of a life

In your memories

I’ll try to hide

Shut out the world

To find something greater

Than this pain

But hollow hope will leave me afloat

To drown

In this mess I’ve made

Now home

Isn’t a place I stay

It’s a feeling

That’s washed away

The past has long since passed

Me by

Just a faint flash of pain

Hidden inside

These eyes

Keep on searching them

But …

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3

Upside Down

August 2nd, 2017by breaking_the_cycle

A whisper in your ear, signals the return of all your fear

You thought things were looking up

But only because you’ve been upside down

While your hope was leading you to drown

Such a foolish boy, don’t you know that you’re just a toy

When the fun runs out you’re cast aside

Now you’re running away, with no place to hide

Searching for a reason to live, but you’re dead inside

Why are you not surprised?  Is this what life has done to your mind?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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1

Social Fail

August 1st, 2017by Miulei

I always say how I want friends.

But when I actually find someone willing to talk to me, what do I do?

 

Either they drive me insane with stupid shit I shouldn’t care about.

Oh, they use u instead of you. That’s super annoying.

Won’t they even pretend to be positive sometimes?

I’m really, really not interested in you that way, please stop.

 

Or I think I’m annoying them.

Oh god, I just went on a long rant about something no one ever cared about. Awesome.

They keep talking about their life and I’ve done nothing with mine…

Now they’ll want to avoid me, but can’t without looking like a douche. Better do it …

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2

so i just went to a concert

August 1st, 2017by Moon gazer

i just went to a concert by the killers and i just thought does anyone want a suicidal boyfriend? i am 21 looking for a girl or cute boy mostly to have someone i can be open to and spend time with ya not a dating site but worth a shot

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0

Smiles

July 30th, 2017by EyeOfHorus

It never gets easier, seeing you smile.
It’s something I used to draw out, take pride in. Your smile was my masterpiece. I was happy to suffer, to make it okay for you. I was happy to lay aside my pride, my dreams, to see your face light up. But it doesn’t get easier. Now you smile, but it isn’t for me. Now you smile and it isn’t my work. Now you smile and take pictures and look happier than ever and I… and I sit here, dying.

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2

certainly not about being fine

July 27th, 2017by submarines

Right now, I remember thinking about wanting to die standing in this huge crowd of people— and then snorting, because something about me standing at 2 P.M. in stark daylight and thinking, ‘God, what am I even doing here? I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be,’ while some guy rambled on about philosophy seemed….strangely comical, for some reason. I’ve always had a very comical attitude about this whole depression thing, you know.

I can’t really blame anyone if they don’t take me seriously; I don’t know how to deal with this whole mess. A few weeks ago I told myself I would take a step forward and I’d do …

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1

wednesday – 1:01AM

July 25th, 2017by suicidalkitty

What frustrates me so much is that this sickness taps on my windows on cold, stormy days, begging me not to sleep. It sits on my lap taunting me to caress its soft but stinging, midnight fur. In busy crowds, it whispers my name as i walk, telling me sugar-coated stories of how it made at least 5 souls drain out all the sadness inside of them in thick red in the last 4 hours it left me so i could finally close my eyes and sleep. But on days where i sleep longer and wake up waiting for its thick cloud to suffocate me, i …

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10

Celebrity Suicide

July 23rd, 2017by smileysue

I can’t believe Chester Bennington of Linkin Park hung himself.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem…. and even if it’s an ongoing problem, suicide isn’t the way to solve it.

 

I’m still in shock about news.   Weird but I have that same feeling from back when my cousin ended her life.  It’s so surreal.

Despite my desire to escape this life so many times, I don’t think I’ll ever do it because of how my family would be affected.   I couldn’t put my mom through that.

Imagine Chester’s kids are now going to grow up without a father. I can’t believe he would choose …

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5

Somebody Has to Take Responsibility

July 23rd, 2017by Educateurself

Human race would not have suffered enormous amount of pain…if there would be no animosity between God and Satan. And God has to take responsibility for immortalising the Satan (devil). You can say whatever you want but the problem started from that point and in between the one who suffered or unfortunately will eternally suffer is human race.

There are lots of things to say but…Goodnight my fellows.

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13

Just have to let something off my chest. Is suicide by cop possible? Down on a dark path. I need help.

July 21st, 2017by Black Holez

It’s 2 AM in here and I can’t even sleep with so many things going on in my mind. I didn’t even have thoughts of suicide and killing myself  when first coming to this site but things have been going downhill right now that this is actually the first time I have had thoughts of committing suicide by cop and taking the bastards who wronged me with me. It scares me that it has come down to this. I just have to let some things out of my chest if I go through with it. I’ve been putting out the facade for too long that …

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4

One More Step.

July 21st, 2017by kellinandrew

I tell myself, one more step, every day. When I wake up, I think, just one more day. I try to keep my mind on one day, one moment, at a time. Because when I begin to let my mind drift, I start to slowly drift away. Sliding into an uncontrollable downward spiral. I cannot keep living my life through the small window I have allowed myself. I feel as if I am completely alone. My boyfriend, is gone. Our relationship fell apart after I lost our baby due to a miscarriage. My rape case against my father has been dismissed. So, he is on …

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