i started to cut again, the urge in me gets stronger and im just falling apart. i feel like my world that i slowly built is falling down on me. its hard to breath, and i just cant take it anymore. if anyone else found out that i started again i dont even know what they would do to me, they probably beat the shit out of me again. but i just cant take it anymore, im one cut away from taking my own life. im just stressed out about everything, college, work, art, friends, family, my future… theres just no escape… even right now […]
Rants
who am i kidding im a nobody. im no artist im not even worth calling trash. i try and try but im still not getting any better with my art.. i cant even design my own original characters without it looking like crap. so y should i even bother. im a failure as a human and an artist…
people tell me im ugly that i will never find someone to love because of who i am, for what i am… im actually sarting to beleive them… who would love someone like me? suicidal, always depressed, monster? in this world i am at the bottom i am ugly im a monster. i try working out i tried diets and other stuff that will help me get into shape but no matter what i do im un loved… im already struggling as an artist and trying to get my art work out there but no one seems to actually care for it my friends just […]
Baby sister has been crying for the past hour, every time something happens, she cries. She’s the shrieking kind of crying, makes me wanna kill that piece of shit. Too bad I have “no balls”, nor to kill myself. So i hope I’m destined to do something. I have been angry for the past 3 days, ever since my little “date” with my cousin jasmine was canceled because her mom has no money.Â
I’m incredibly angry, stepdad brings the baby into the living room so it could cry in my fucking ear as I play video games (not intentionally) and I sit here holding my emotions […]
August, 5th will be my 28th birthday. My previous deadline was my 30th birthday, but I just can’t wait that long. Now I’m struggling to wait even my 28th.
I can’t find a reason to go on. I don’t care anymore about my future or work or studying or hobbies. I thought that I could at least be useful to people with the same kind of problems, and that if I can’t help myself, helping them could be my purpose in life. But who the hell I’m going to help, I can’t get close to anyone.
I feel so hopelessly alone. I don’t have real […]
Hello. I’m 21 gay, super sensitive, highly anxiety sufferer, depressed.
I was abused sexually/physically when i was a kid.
all that good stuff.
well in 2010 i went to college roomed with a friend from highschool, i wasn’t really confused about my sexuality. idk how to explain it. well i fell in love with him. he outed me after i explained it the best i could. in which was i’m gay i’ve fallin in love with you, i need to move out and choose my on way. Â he taunted me, grabbed his junk at me all the time. it made me feel so worthless. when i moved out. […]
Everyday it’s easier to not be missed. No one would notice anyway. Not even they know. There’s a huge mark on my left arm, my left leg and back. But no one notices. The only people who asked me, which was 2, was for mere curiosity. Ha, that laugh hurt. I wish I could bring more smiles. I just ruin everything I touch. No one would even know… I cover my darkness and evilness with the innocence of pink. I even blemished ‘pink’ now…. They see my life as if it were perfect, then perfect may my death be.
Done. Nothing to live for. Not going to bother being alive anymore. I realize I have no other person in my life who cares about me. I had another awful day today, and I just realized that not a single person cares to comfort me. I ran through the list in my head. My mom is self-absorbed, and suffers from crippling emotional problems, so she is never someone I confide in because she does understand how to properly deal with other peoples’ emotions. My immediate family are rich businessmen and women, who believe that pain is for the weak. My few close friends all use […]
I remember the first time I actually thought about suicide. I was doing the dishes, and I broke a coffee pot. The only damn coffee pot. I was so sick of everything, of doing every fucking thing wrong, I just started screaming. And then that’s when I heard my mother’s voice. She said, “The knife’s in the drawer. Cut off your singer and you’ll be dead in five minutes. I walked over to the drawer, pulled out the knife, and pressed it to my finger, then my wrist. Hard. Until I winced and pulled it back. I spent the rest of the day sobbing under […]
Wamth of the sun beaming down to encourage growth and strength.
Cool breeze of the wind curls and carouses around the body cooling the soul.
Rain bursts from the cloud cover and washes the grit away.
Grass as green as a novice carpeting the ground and tickling the toes.
Trees tall and majestic reaching up and out to shade and protect.
Bushes sitting quietly awaiting the pruning shears of the endaring gardener.
Stones of all kinds absorb and hold the heat of the sun being children of mother earth.
Sky as blue and mesmerizing as the eyes of an Alaskan Husky staring at you in friendship.
All living things energetic and frolicking in […]
I want to die.
I have a gun but refuse to use it on myself because it’s only a .22 and I might survive. If I had anything bigger, I probably wouldn’t be here typing this. I really wish I had that gun, today I found out the girl I REALLY like and that I have been flirting with for the last month has a serious boyfriend, I can never get a girlfriend and I don’t know why. Shit like this always happens.
My family sucks too. I have nobody to talk to and nobody cares. I have […]
My last day online will be 05/31/2012. My last actual day … not soon enough. And if anyone tries to pull that stuff that someone did with Biscuit on here, it is not going to work with me so do not waste your time.
A few more weeks and I’ll be out of here. One of my methods is already procured and the two backups are on their way. Terminated my employment a week ago so it is daily inundation in books, games, movies and music until the end. Since the job is done and the methods are going to be present, no turning back now.
Everything […]
I stumled upon this site looking up techniques on how to sleep. I know how to get myself to sleep but i rather use my phone to distract myself. I always had trouble sleeping through the night because I cannot turn off. During the day I don’t think much about anything. As much as I love dreaming- I rather toss, turn nd give myself a headache. A thunderstorm has been over me for about an hour now..it’s beautiful nd therapeutic. Cleared my mind of all this anxiety.
How is everyone else feeling this morning?
Here I am. I’m told I’m great. Good looking. Smart. Kind. Talented. I do many things. Have loving parents. Have loving friends. Have people who care. Even with all of these things, I’m stuck. It’s like an endless circle. I’m sad and angry, then numb. I feel numb so much of the time…I…I’m not even sure what I feel anymore. I mistook my content with my gay friend’s compliments to me, as a love for him. I’m a straight male. I know this because I’ve tried to have relationships with other guys. It was never right…it never felt right. I never kissed a guy, because […]
i hate my life because;
a) i dont have friends. they dont want to be friends with someone that is suffering depression
b) i have no one i can trust.
c) i ruined everyones lives.
d) i am stupid.
e) i am so far behind in school. i am 2 month behind in school work.
f) i attempted suicide twice.
g) i am never happy anymore. because i have nothing to be happy about.
I cut for the first time in a long time.
I was angry and I felt betrayed.
It’s like I couldn’t control anything.
I cut my wrists. The blood looked pretty.
After it was done. It’s like everything was gone.
I started crying. I felt like a failure.
I should stop getting worked up over things out of my control.
I know it’s not my fault. But I can’t stop blaming myself.
Xoxo
Finding It Hard To Find A Reason To Live. I Want So Badly To End The Way I’m Feeling Right Now. I’m So Invisible Everywhere I Go. I Don’t Have Any Friends Around Here. I Just Wish Someone Somewhere Would Listen To Me & Tell Me Everything Will Be Okay & I’m Worth It :/
I feel like I am on the edge.
Like I can’t turn back.
Have come so far.
I feel that I am trapped.
I’m scared and alone.
I don’t think I can turn back.
I’m scared to live.
And I’m scared to die.
I feel like such a coward.
Why can’t I just disappear.
I’m just a fuck up.
Why do you even try.
I gave up.
So why do you look at me that way.
With those loving and forgiving eyes.
It would be easier for me if you just hated me.
Like I hate myself.
Why do I try.
It’s not like […]
My cousin is now my girlfriend. I’m going to take her to Conejo Valley Days which is the county fair over here. I can’t wait to spend that time with her.Â
I’ve begun branching out on my stories for my war genre involving my alter ego Rogue Shadow. I would give you a preview, but I have barely started with a mere 10 pages altogether. Let’s hope it’s good. I’m thinking of what website I might post it on. Hope I can get pissed off more often at my dad and continue the beginning of Rogue Shadow with the brutal murder of his parents. (Nate’s parents, […]
I want to do it. One of my friends doesn’t socialize, and sits around playing video games all day. My other friends are self-absorbed and don’t talk to me anymore because they don’t like to listen to me when I have a problem. I hate my job. I can’t go to a bar or party to take my mind off my life because my mother monitors everything about me. She reads my journals, checks my purchases on my bank account, and rifles through my room and computer when I’m not around. She says she has to do this because I don’t open up to her. […]