I met this girl. She is absolutely amazing. But that’s not the point. The point is I realised I was selfish. I realised that suicide wasn’t an option. What I mean is this girl I adored I found out she had cancer. All I could think about was how unfair life was. I cried a couple days just thinking about her. I felt helpless. After finding out how se had no control over her life it made me mad. All I can think about was how could people take life like its nothing. When my friends death was already determined. How could they throw there […]
Rants
I wanna save people. But I don’t always know how or what to say. I honestly cry when I was writing this. I wanna save you so bad. But I am scared that I can’t. I don’t think I can save everyone. That terrifies me. Why can’t I save everyone. Why does anyone have to die. I realised that I can’t save everyone. It breaks my heart.
Xoxo
Sunshine
I have this friend, he’s awesome. And sometimes I actually let him in, emotionally. I don’t do that to anybody. I hide my feelings fairly well unless instigated. He’s getting fed up with my lack of concern towards myself. I wish I could just be like, “I’m really just venting, let me freak out. It’s fine, I’m not going to cut up.”. But alas here I am, getting all guilted up because I can’t change who I am. I’m completely worthless. Don’t try to tell me I’m not, I know the truth. I can’t literally remember a moment that didn’t end in guilt or shame. […]
I can’t talk to my friends about my depression because they all gossip so much, and they don’t care. I am so sick and tired of being lonely. My friends ignore me, and I treat them with so much dignity and respect. I really do, outside this site I exhibit enormous self-control. I only let loose my emotions on this site because I consider it a safe space to do so, and in some warped way I feel more comfortable posting to a community of people who always feel this close-to-suicide sensation like me. Anyways, It’s late, so forgive my poor grammar. Venting on this […]
She was sitting in her bed looking up at the ceiling blasting her music;
She started crying and she knew exactly why;;
She felt useless and alone;
She was very angry;
All of her love started to turn into hate;;
It was like a switch turning off;;
She didn't care anymore and why should she;;
you just broke her heart without thinking twice;;
Don't try to deny it don't try to fight it;;
You say you love her so much but what you keep doing is the opposite;;
Your words mean nothing;;
Its not what you say but what you do;;
And your just proving your story wrong;;
the girl wondered why she was so imperfect […]
Hate, depression, constant crying, constant suicidal thoughts, constant self-harm. Who am I? I wish I could remember but the image of who I used to be gets fuzzier, and fuzzier. Had I known I would feel such loneliness in the future, I would have ended my life on that faithful April 27, 2006. I’m surrounded by many who claim to love me, yet in my mind I’m trying to deal with the fact that I’ve been abandoned by everyone. Maybe I have and everyone is just pretending to be nice, all I ever meet are extremely nice people, and I can’t help but love them. I […]
I believe everyone wants a reason. Everyone wants something to believe in. Sometimes it’s not that simple. Sometimes things are more complex. Sometimes there is multiple reasons and sometimes there is no reason. Why does there always have to be a reason. There doesn’t have to be a reason. I believe once you stop looking then you will know. I used to look for a reason for everything. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know now. I realized its not that simple. It’s the most simple complex thing. I know how can it be. It just is. I don’t have a reason […]
just before i start of how i attempted suicide and got depression over a dream i had, i would like to say this might be long and goes for 1500 words.. sorry for so long.. please read it and thanks 🙂
This happend last year when i was 14 years old, i am currently 15 years old…. here what happend. This is in term 3 year 8. IÂ fell asleep on a sunday night, that night i had a dream, i was staring into the eyes of this really beautiful blonde girl… it felt like minutes, just her and me in black emptyness staring into each others […]
Some people on here post that they are ashamed to be complaining because they have a relatively comfortable life outside the specific troubles they are dealing with. There is no reason to be ashamed because you happened to be born in a developed country to people who can give you a decent lifestyle as far as food, clothing, and shelter. That is the fortune of your birth and you had nothing to do with it.
Sure you can help people who you consider less fortunate.  Still it does not help your mental state for you to add guilt or sadness to your already existing pain. Nothing […]
Hello, everyone.
Not so sure what to say. This is my first time ever posting anything on a website for, like, 3 years. So please bear with me 🙂
Basically, I literally feel entirely worthless.  When I was growing up, my mom was an emotionally distant alcoholic, and my dad was emotionally and physically abusive. They were both also extremely over-protective and critical of me. My dad is probably the most negative person I’ve ever met. I don’t think I have ever heard him say one positive thing about me and really meant it. When I was younger I tried to over-achieve and impress him, but the […]
I saw the mist that day and it entranced me.
I went in not because I chose to be different, or I chose to be something else; I consciously was drawn to it, the mystique, the vapor, the aroma.
I left the group and went down the misty path. I loved it. Everything around me swelled up and was lost. Slowly I lost sight of where I came from. I wondered where I was going, who I was going to meet in this mist.
The beads of water fell onto my face. The cold bit my nose ever so gently, the air was lively and dark. The lights […]
yup remorseless thats me i feel no remorse no pain…. i gave myself that name because i dont care for my life i never did…. im just a monster who does not belong… when someone dies it doesnt hurt me… i stop trying to find someone who would get me, someone who would accept me but turns out theres no one… day by day as i looked for acceptance in this world i only end up hardening my shell because i know theres no one out there… so i stoped caring, i stoped taking care of myself and i someone gave up on my art…. […]
My friend and I are drifting so bad. Friday she was upset over not getting a job she was feeling worthless and like a failure and was talking suicidal. I, being her best friend, tried my hardest to console her and comfort her, as i know the feelings all too well. Her response to my advice “I’m taking advice on why not to kill myself from a girl who has tried to kill herself, really, you think you can help me.” That hurt me so bad, as she said that i tried to laugh it off because she later told me it was a joke. […]
I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Sunshine. Well not really, but its an alias. I don’t care if my punctuation is that great either. I have been there. Maybe my life hasn’t been as bad as a lot of people, but I am fighting my own demons. I have always felt like an outsider. I have a list of things wrong with me. I don’t currently take any medication for anything either. I have attempted suicide as well as have cut in the past. I still get very depressed every so often. And I don’t like talking about it because […]
“True love ~ Broken dreamsâ€
-Hai, my name is Peter Alesana also other’s would like to call me Petii. I’m going to share a story about broken dreams, the human mentally capacity of fighting for your loved one, for your dreams, shattered lost soul, never endless suffering, a story what will encourage you to stand up and keep pushing even if everything seems to be dark and hopeless , when you are on two knees praying, shaking in the unconditional pain, when you cried so much that your tears turn into blood but won’t stop falling regardless how try you hard, when there is no one else there to […]
I had an appointment to see my  psychiatrist and my mum was with me, im 15 and my psychiatrist asked my mum about our family history and after some stuff they talked, i don’t know i wasn’t concerntrating but i heard my name and i started to listen, im sitting beside my mum. and my mum said when i was 5 years old i caused her so much stress she took me to a bridge and she was going to throw me off the bridge and kill me because i cause her alot of stress and she couldn’t handle me…. but my dad saw what was […]
In a few years when i plan to commit suicide, i want it to be unique, somthing that people would say, that kid is one of the kind. When i go out i want to be remmember for doing somthing so spetacular that no one has done before when commiting suicde, i once fantasized this dream where i was on the current worlds highest building and i had a gun standing there for about three hours, i gather a large crowd of people, news reporters filming me at the top of the building, and anyone who come up to talk me out, i shoot them […]
kso lately i feel like i ruined everyones lives.
i ruined my moms life because she had to have me when she was 16 and drop out of school and couldnt become a nurse like she wanted. but she did go back and finish high school. 10 yrs later.
i ruined my dads because, well he had to have me also at a young age. but he walked out on my mom when she was pregnant with me.
i ruined my families life because i just did. they always tell me they would be better off with out me. (well my sisters always say that)
maybe they will be better off […]
Em, to be quite frank I could give a toss about existing as a science form of a “human being”, who, at this point, feels as though I cannot connect to society on any sort of level that is going to be productive for myself, my future, interactions with others or work any harder than I have for financial security for when I am at an age whereas I cannot look after myself anymore. Personally, I find the world around us has screwed anyone that gives a sh*t about a decent life, it is obviously a mental f*ck of whereas I have no energy to […]
i just found out litterally 2 min ago that my friend holly died last night in the whitby fire….. she was a good friend even though we never met in person but we still texted each other… we were close and she would help me with things…. right now i feel nothing, y is that? this would make 8 deaths now and i feel nothing :'( am i truely a heartless monster…. do i really live up to my art name…. am i really someone who shows no remorse someone who feels no pain? what the FUCK AM I!!!!!!!!!!!!!