Hi all. I’m feeling empty and alone. I feel like I have no friends. People make me feel like an outcast. I have social anxiety and am constantly worried about people judging me. I feel like everyone is against me. My therapist thinks that I may have borderline personality disorder as I sometimes cut and I seem to have trust/abandonment issues. Thank you for reading this.
Rants
i dont feel like i belong anywhere in this society. im struggling with my art and life… i practically dont even have a love life… when im with my friends i feel left out like a lost my connections with them like im in a different world… i already know im not apart of my family… im what you would call the black sheep in the heard… my dad despises me because im nothing like him…. just today we got into a fight because i said i was not commuting all the way to wounderland andi told him.. well more like reminded him im alergic […]
the Queer
Sitting in school, watching. She is so perfect, as if you have finally seen someone you can really relate to. Trying to imagine getting up the courage to walk over and talk to her. Trying to find the guts to ask her out, the dance maybe….
And then it all crashes down.
Your brief fantasy of ever having a “normal” love life.
Sure, you crush on her from afar, but you are a girl too.
And that means being different, a freak, a sinner, a loner.
No matter where you go, your gayness will follow you, keeping you separate from everyone else. You feel […]
No need for a name, therefore, my name will me Anonymous. I’m a 17 year old female who tries to hide away most of her emotion. I was diagnosed with depression, PTSD, mild OCD, insomnia, and possible BPD. My life is a nightmare most days. After my initial hospitalization, i started treatment, and for the most part it helped a lot. But lately, I’ve loss interest in school, isolated myself a lot, and am becoming increasingly more impulsive (I went out one day and just got a tattoo, on my wrist. So much for ever being a professional.) I have attempted suicide 5 times […]
I don’t know what to do, I can’t seem to keep going like this, it has been 10 years in a slow descent into oblivion, it hurts so much now just to wake up, but I can’t do it, it would hurt others, and that would be selfish of me. My best friend A, has a boyfriend, but she is the only person who makes me better, but I cant hurt her, and I am leaving soon by asking her to do things with me because people are judgmental assholes. I think of better and better ways to kill myself, and with more than 30 episodes of […]
i fell in love with this one girl her name was samantha right from the bat i knew she was suicidal but that did not stop me… i thouhgt she could help me escape… she and i were very similar in many ways… people would tell me we were soulmates… we were sappose to die together that was the plan…but i wanted to finish something before i died she had agreed that she would wait for me and she did… little i knew the more she waited the more her pain… our pain grew… i told her to use my body in hwat ever she […]
to begin, i don’t even know why i’m bothering to write here. desperation, i guess.
on the internet i broke away from communities, i got involved in some pretty nasty self-detrimental whole weight issue ones and though
that whole communal thing was great ultimately it just led to health deterioration. i kind of got out of it, i mean i’m still alive.
i’ve already tried once: to do that whole self-dying thing. it didn’t work. i woke up, rolled out of bed, and went to my eight hour shift/job at the time.
continued on as if it were a normal day. i didn’t think i’d wake up, […]
i feel used by my friends its like they would only call me when they need me… but not once have they ever took the time out of there worlds to ever say whats wrong or to even notice that im in pain inside…. they just think im being just my regular self, but if only they knew what twisted chaos that goes inside my head… i know for a fact they could leave me… everyone leaves me… so y should i bother to stay in the unloved world when im being used by the people who i should trust… if only i had my […]
The birds must think we’re all a bunch of idiots. We have this wonderful little planet all to ourselves, and we’ve divided it into little sections. We build walls and fences, and we draw lines in the sand. We build little cages around ourselves. We use all of our energy trying to keep Them out, and trying to keep Us in. It’s a waste of time. We waste much of our time trying to make temporal things eternal. We try to fight our own mortality by constructing things that we hope will last forever. But after we die, our creations turn to dust. Birds know […]
When I listen to music I find that it makes my mood like more if that makes any sence. If i’m happy and listening to music I love like some of Eminem songs I will get more happy but if im feeling down or depressed and I listen to sad songs I feel more down and sad and feel how the music is. Does this happen to you?
its coming closer. every day i find myself pushing the boundaries of what i can live through. Every night i want to die; every night i wish i wont wake up tomorrow; i just want to take my sword and drive it through whats left of my heart. i dont care about pain. i dont care about anyone else. All anyone ever does is lie to me. Even the people i used to trust. Everyone else breaks their promises to me. why cant i break mine? i promised that i would keep my heart beating. Its time to break that promise.
I silently slip out of bed and turn on the light, I creep over to the bench and grab my lighter and pack of cigarettes and shove them into my pocket. I walk over to my bedroom window and slide it open, the cold mist outside creeps It’s way inside sending a chill down my back. I look up into the night sky and wonder what time it is. I open the door of my room and close it quietly hoping my mum dosn’t wake up. IÂ walk down the creaking old stairs. Downstairs I go into the dining room and look up at the […]
the Symptom Bearer
he sat angrily in his room, alone. He could hear them all talking downstairs. He knew they were all talking about him, it was always him!
Always your fault they chided him, you ruin everything.
In his family of 2 sisters and 2 brothers he was always the one in trouble, poor marks in school, always at the doctor, always in trouble somehow.
He was the Symptom Bearer.
Families are complex groups called systems. Even the simplest one parent one child family has a family system. A family system is made up of the unspoken rules and secrets of each family. Your family […]
hi im new here and i dont know how i should start off…. but i guess i can tell you some background story…. ive been suicidal for a really long time now. when i was around 6 or 7 i tried to kill myself… i slit my wrist but sadly it was not deep enough to finish me off… ive been struggling with this depression on and off and i dont know what to do anymore… i can feel the thing inside me getting stronger… the urge to kill myself… ive caught myself a few times and stoped what i was doing or going to […]
I am just sitting here and I just randomly start crying… I wanna just cut or kill myself so that I don’t cry anymore…. I hate crying…. I grew up learning that it was wrong to cry and that we couldn’t talk about anything… So I don’t talk to anyone about it… I wish that I could….. I wanna just open my arm and bleed out… Idk anymore
Every doctor pretty much makes it seem as though if you take this medicine, everything will get better. Sadly, that ain’t the truth. I have been taking medicine since I was in 6th grade and look at me. I am STILL depressed and I STILL have a lot of anxiety and anger. Can medicine really help you? No. It can help you a little. It can slightly make you happier and slightly less anxious, but that’s not always the case. When I cry, I can’t stop crying for about an hour. My anxiety gets so bad that I shake to the point that I can’t […]
I’m tired of this hocus pocus hogwash mentality that people have with females/male interaction. Â The act of sexual intercourse is viewed with such a “taboo” image that it’s hard to get past the poster of it all. Â I was raised very conservative, going to church daily (as in 7 days a week), raised with the typical Christian “pre-marital sex is bad, drugs are bad, alcohol is bad.” Â Needless to say, that has all gone away, more so as I descend into the pits of hell. Â But one thing still really bothers me. Â The idea of sex. Â It ruins relationships before they even begin! Â I moved […]
I know that it is hard being Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgender, or Intersex. I know because I am bi-sexual. My family and most of the people I know don’t understand how it is and don’t really accept me. They think that it is wrong and that I should be straight because it the the “right” thing. I don’t give a fuck if it you think it’s right or not. I am NOT changing who I am just for you. I like the way I am. I prefer girls more than boys because I have been hurt by mostly guys, but that’s not the same for […]
One could argue that one could let go and live a simpler existence. Still after one labored and struggled to climb out of poverty in order to enjoy financial stability and technlogical convenience in the USA, to voluntarily go for less feels like crippling oneself. What can I say. I’m an otaku and an asian horror-phile. Plus old school books are a pleasure to read and touch.
Plus the wasting sickness has returned and I refuse to take chemo this time. Should have refused the first time and maybe I’d already be gone. Doc tells me I could extend my life by a few years if I took […]
I’ve lived a good life. Well at least up until this year. But overall it has been a decent and happy life. I am seventeen years old and am a senior in high school. I have parents and friends who love me. At the beginning of this school I had a headache that shaped my life up until this point. The headache was incredibly intense and lasted for fourteen days without a break. Constant pain. I thought it would never end. After the fourteenth day I cried from happiness. It was finally gone and i could go back to my life normally, or at least […]