Holding it all in

September 13th, 2017by sadbutsmiles

I have work at 7:30 am tomorrow so I really should be asleep right now… but I just wanted to express myself a little I guess… I’m doing better rn than I have been for the last few days… I’ve been in my room with the lights off, not eating or communicating with anyone.. but sleeping A LOT.. I love to sleep.. sooo much.. why? The same reason a lot of you guys may love to sleep too… to escape reality. I can’t get over how evil people can be. I’ve lost over $2,000 within the last 6 months. Im not well off at all..this …

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September 12th, 2017by eternaldarkness

On what planet is 87.46 + 10.92 = 100.48?

This is a rant. I’m trying to order something online and their website is broken. I wasn’t annoyed until I chat with the CSR who is totally unhelpful and irritating.


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I kinda need to vent

September 12th, 2017by FakeYouOut

Ok…so…I just feel like I need to vent and get my thoughts out….


so, first off, my mom treats me like crud. She blames me for things I didn’t do, has called me a b*tch on multiple occasions, I get in trouble for the things my littlest sister does most of the time, she’s spanked me, smacked me, and so on. And she’s fake. She fakes her personality around everyone except me, my dad, and my sisters. Also, she’s told me to never show any emotion other than happiness and to keep my opinions to myself. I’ve stopped doing both, mind you, but whenever I bring …

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September 12th, 2017by vee

it’s been a while since the last time i posted anything here, but right now i feel like i just need to type stuff out.

lots of things have been happening lately, the biggest thing being i moved. i was okay for a while, feeling pretty neutral, which at this point is great. but it’s only been getting worse for some reason, nothing significant has happened. i’ve been feeling very weird these past few days though, i can’t feel anything. it’s like i’m numb for some reason? yesterday i met a youtuber i really admire and i thought i’d be so happy but i didn’t feel …

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Fake Friends

September 11th, 2017by Lostsoul_20

I hate that my “friends” are all friends with my rapist – they claim not to be but they very obviously are. Always talking to him, laughing with him, partying with him, visiting his place, cooking for him at one point fucking him. I wish they could see how deteriorating this is. Its not enough to say I should be the one to say don’t hang out with him. if some guy that you say you’re only acquaintances with rapes you’re friend you get rid of the guy. Don’t make excuses as to why you continue to get close to him and apologise and continue …

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the only way to make it stop

September 10th, 2017by themessenger

Depression and anxiety have been kicking in for quite some time, definitely for long enough to make me believe there’s nothing that could help me. I feel like every bit of happiness has been sucked out of my life and replaced with void and darkness.
I remember I used to feel alive, I used to have some hope, I used to laugh without any problems, because something was funny because I was just feeling good at the moment.
And now it’s all gone. I wake up from nightmares every night, I can’t think straight, I always feel so bad. I think about ending my life …

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I Hate Myself

September 10th, 2017by A Dying Rose

I Hate Myself. It’s as simple as that. I hate everything about myself. I hate everything I do. My friends and family never get it. I don’t blame them though, I’m actually glad they don’t know how this feels. This is just gonna be me talking trash abut myself, so be warned 🙂

I hate how I look. My bumpy, uneven, and dark skin. My crooked teeth. My chinky, uneven eyes and eyebrows. My grey, oval lips (yeah, I have no cupid’s bow). My big, oily forehead. My chubby cheeks. My short fingers. My weird nails. My smile. My low voice. My hairy arms …

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No Escape

September 8th, 2017by blackopal02

Do you ever actually have a good day for once, and then it takes a sharp turn?


i had had a decent week. People had actually talked to me, I slept and ate better than usual, and I didn’t feel as bad as I normally do.

However, I came home today and it slapped me in the face. Depression.

“Why did you think you could escape me, you pathetic fuck? You will never be normal, you aren’t allowed to feel “happy.”

I stagger up but depression shoves me back down, towards my razor blades.

“No one will ever fucking love you. Those people you think like you, are …

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what it feels like

September 6th, 2017by claryland

i almost hate everything. and i’m most dissatisfied with all things.

but i had some frozen yogurt today with my two friends and it was the first day of school. i dislike being so young and feeling this way—everyone says you shouldn’t have to feel this way at such a young age?

but i realized after i sat down with the two of them and was looking forward to enjoy a small bowl of frozen yogurt, i had immediately thought that i’d rather be in my bed listening to some vast silence that i’ve come to love.

everyone was so nice and so kind and so was i. …

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September 4th, 2017by AnonymousCK

I remember the first time I told someone in person that I had attempted suicide many times. I had just forfeited a debate round and my coach was furious. I was talking off my anxiety with the girl I still love today (4 years later).

I was walking on one of those concrete walls next to stairs outside, this one more tall than usual, personally I’m terrified of falling/heights. So to calm myself down I try to do something that is more terrifying than my thoughts, that’s how I overcome my anxiety attacks. So anyway I’m pacing back and forth on this wall talking to my friend and I just said “sometimes I just wish I’d fall off and die in a freak accident” and she just looks at me horrified (I don’t typically talk to anyone about personal things). She says “that’s not something to joke about” I simply told her that it wouldn’t be the first time I’d tried. She asked how many times and I told her I’d lost count. We left it at that.

I think the things that surprised me the most is that firstly it was actually fairly easy to tell someone and secondly that she had no idea.

Now I started this off by saying it was the first time I’ve told someone; however, it’s also the only time. Every other person never asked. How can someone have had ton of siblings and attempted many times over 8 years and no one notice?


My guess is they did.

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Holy f**k!

September 4th, 2017by disgusting

It’s been a long time. A lot has happened. I started having pain in Jan-Feb this year and found out I’ve got arthritis on the level of an 80-90 year old and I need my knees replaced within this year. Of course I can’t get that because I’m on state care. It’s rapidly degenerating and I face being in a wheelchair unable to do anything for myself. The nerve damage has gotten worse and I can’t feel anything but PAIN in my hands and feet and it makes it hard to wipe my ass just because it’s so painful to hold on to the toilet …

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No hope

September 1st, 2017by Lostsoul_20

I receive no justice for my rape, no friends to comfort or care about me, failed hopes and dreams, a family who have no understanding or provide no solace for the pain I have been through and no love to somehow be my hero and rescue me form hellish existence. Somehow I’m suppose to live and persevere through the misery and turmoil I suffer through now for some false pretense of a better future. FUCK THAT!!! I’m tired of seeing life as precious as they do. I’m tired of living by their rules. I’m getting my escape and I don’t give a fuck whose fake …

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Alone: sorry for just complaining

September 1st, 2017by lxmyrick

Life is hard when you are alone.  I have tried to make friends, but it’s very hard.  The only friends I have are SP members, a group of people who I see once a week and one friend that lives in a different part of the world.  So when I go to school, I have no one to talk to, eat lunch with, or just spend time with.  So for 5 days a week for 8 hours days, which is 40 hours a week, I am alone, not literally, but I have no one to be with.  Yes I have small chat and I say …

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where do i start?

September 1st, 2017by wannabehappy

back in march 2015, my best friend (really my only friend) died. i was 16 years old and of course, it destroyed me. i didnt leave my room for months, did terrible in school, my father had to force me to eat something most days, i never knew i could cry so much every single day.

i still feel that pain every day two years later. ive moved in with my grandparents, started taking antidepressants. i got slightly happy for a quick minute.

i met a girl, allie, through bellas death since she was a mutual friend. we instantly became close because of how we both lost …

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August 31st, 2017by AKidWithAName

You know, that verse in the Bible that Lincoln famously quoted/paraphrased is really getting to me. “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” I have been divided against myself since the beginning. Part of me is the one living, and the other part of me is harshly criticizing that part of me. I constantly feel guilty for everything I do, even if it ends up fairly well for everyone involved because it’s never enough. Nothing is ever enough to counter all of my wrongdoings, you know?

I am at once the bratty kid in the grocery store who was not allowed to get something and the …

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Why?! I loved you. Why hurt me like this?

August 31st, 2017by beautifulmonster

why B? Why? What did I do to deserve you cheating on me? Especially the way you did. Why did you drive me to do that?! you honestly believe I’m happy how I retaliated? 15 years of my life came crashing down on me that cold Monday.  You tore my soul out. I don’t know who I am anymore. Millions are praying today and I feel nothing. The devils I’m thinking how do I get the angel of death to take me.

This is isn’t right. None of it. I can’t get away from it.  I try and try. Ultimately I get screwed. That’s what I’m good …

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i relapsed

August 31st, 2017by iamdarling

i don’t know why –

today has been relatively normal, i went out for a bit, and there was some arguing – but, nothing out of the ordinary…

all i know is, i was just watching tv and somehow my hand creeped up to my eyelashes and started to pull… and pull…

once i -properly- realised, i thought to myself, ‘the pleasure will last short of a second, then you will regret this for months.’

yet, i continued to pull.

after a while, i stopped. my lashes now look sparse, with a few gaps but… it could have been worse, i guess.


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Shitty week

August 28th, 2017by kamidaka

Indeed. I lost my glasses that were very expensive. I caught a cold. My mother hurt her feet and spent almost every day in my house, meaning I couldn’t stay in my house, I had to kill time elsewhere and it was a FUCKING nightmare, I couldn’t do anything. We fought, I was reminded how my existence just bothers them. They hate who I am, they hate my personality, my interests, me as a whole. They hate me so much.

I promised myself my last week would be a peaceful one, so I couldn’t kill myself last week. Maybe next week, if I manage to finish …

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On how poverty and a mattress may be the end of me

August 28th, 2017by heartlessviking

I notice that anger usually is my path to self destruction. I remember learning somewhere that the default emotion for men is anger. The default supposedly for women is sadness. Anyway, I have male anatomy and anger is my default.

I would be feeling fine if things were working well, isn’t it always the way? The issue comes back to unrealistic expectations, and for once they aren’t mine (or are they?).

I’m back in school, doing a full time load (actually a bit more). If all I was doing was school I could fucking succeed. It isn’t all I’m doing though.

First let’s talk about my health. I …

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Pathetic Person w/ Pathetic Reasoning

August 28th, 2017by AllBarkNoBite

At the very least, I hope this scatter-brained post will give you a laugh. Just kidding, I don’t hope for anything, save for what I mention in the following. Well, maybe some sections of this post will resonate with anyone who might read it some day.

Once I become financially stable and relatively successful, I might want to kill myself in complete sobriety so that I can prove this point to my dad: Not all suicides are a result of drug-ingestion or addiction. I’ve always wanted to die since I was a child. I even told my mom that “I want to go to Heaven already,” …

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