I died. I actually died this time. I was dead at 11:11 pm. My heart stopped beating. And the bastards revived me. A stomach pump, activated charcoal treatment, and psychotherapy assessment later, I’m laying here in a hospital bed. Again. They let me keep my iPod, since it qualifies as therapeutic for me. I just…can’t believe it didn’t work. Im a failure at life and a failure at dying. God. Damn. It. All. Why am I still alive?
Rants
Looking at my arm after i have a bad night like last night disgusts me. I hate what i have become.
There is so much I want to say but so little words that could describe how I feel (and have been feeling for the past few years.) The ones that immediately come to mind include: Tired, apathetic, and hopeless.
I am generally thought of as a happy person because I am always seen smiling whether I’m at work or at school. It’s even to the point that people always laugh at me for smiling so much. The truth is I hate it. I hate smiling, I hate laughing because I just don’t want to. Why should I have to anyways? Â My school life is a mess […]
Hi there, if you don’t kno what’s wrong and ur just hurting with no explanation, the explanation is you are having a depressive episode. This is a feeling exactly like uv described that can be caused by stress, low blood sugar, a traumatic event , dream, or memory, or a hormone imbalance. It is totes normal and the best ways I’ve found to survive an episode are to -eat something, anything you are able to eat is good. If the first thing you eat is sugary like juice or candy, follow it up with something more substantial like bread, meat, pasta, rice, etc. Drink lots […]
I’ve decided to do it. You’ve all heard my story. I appreciate all the positive comments I’ve gotten. You all are so much stronger than I am. I’m going to a much better place. One where there is no pain or hate, no judgement. Only void. I’m going to join my best friend. To join My ex. To join All the others who saw this world for the horrible damned place that it is. Those of you who still believe in hell, even if I go there, I’ll be happier than I will be living here. To my parents who will find this while invading […]
Idk why but for some reason evreything has gone horribly wrong tonight and I am contemplating attempting suicide again but this time i want it to work unlike my past attempts where i have obviously failed.
Well. My best friend is dead, and now my ex killed herself too. I’m like a fucking walking deathnote. I honestly can’t feel a thing anymore. All I feel is pain. I’ve lost everything. My best friend, my friends, my grades, my music, my health. All that’s left to lose is my life. who or what will take that away from me? At this rate, it will be myself.
I cant seem to stop cutting i dont want to cut but i just feel like i need it. Its the only thing that calms me down and keeps me from doing something much worse but i dont wanna do it anymore i just dont know how.
But I don’t think there’s a good way for me to go on living. I feel horrible all of the time. I’ve seen enough doctors, therapists, and social workers to populate a small country. I don’t see any future for me. I don’t even have any dreams to hang on to. I don’t have any friends either. I’ve spent two weeks in the hospital. It made things worse.
It is sad when happy people die; if only we could trade places so that they could go on living.
I’m young. I hate it when older people complain that my generation feels entitled to more than we deserve. […]
The blood flows from my arms
You cry and tell my that I need to stop
You don’t understand.
This is what keeps me alive.
This proves I’m still human deep down.
This shows me I can still bleed, that I can still feel.
The razor is my best friend now.
He never judges.
He’s there when I need him.
He let’s me take my feelings out.
It’s not healthy it’s what makes you right.
This makes me right.
No matter how sick and twisted it sounds, its what keeps me sane.
If the price to pay is a little blood and […]
After a day of failing 3 tests, being taunted about my girl, and getting nothing accomplished, I’m back to square one. Hello razor. Goodbye wrists.
Im so glad i found this website. I dont know you people but you are all so supportive i wanna thank evreyone that has been helpful so far and now i finally feel like i have people that are supportive.
This isn’t really to do with my suicidal thoughts… I don’t know, maybe it is.
But this website seems to be the only place where people “understand” my poetry. My “art”.
This is a poem I wrote about a woman that I was in love with. That I still am in love with. To make a long story short, a couple of months back, she told me that she didn’t love me anymore. Just like that. I honestly believed that we were going to get married. And then she does this.
I can’t blame her, and I know it would be worse if she had […]
Would you look upon another man’s darkness, and tell him what he sees?
I would not.
Though I do understand your anger. Angry, I would be too, if years of hard yellows and laborious blues had been scratched out by an easy black.
An easy, fatal black.
Tomorrow shall be a positive day.
Tomorrow I shall rise at 6am to go running in the park.
Tomorrow I shall tidy my living area, even sweep away the dusts of time. The aching grains of sand.
Tomorrow I will not smoke any cigarettes, or play my guitar, for I worry that these objects will kill me. One […]
ive tried everything people have told me to do and i am getting no where my mom is still hitting me and she wont stop or minimize the amount and i just dont no wat else to do extept die because 1) if i dont kill myself then she will do it for me.2) i dont want to be alive and 3) i WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i mean im sure someone on here will agree with me ………….right
if u have a idea in wat i should do comment on this post and tell me so i guess i will talk to u guys on my comments.
Things would be so much easier if I knew how to not care what people think. Im waay to sensitive.
I just wanna be able to open up and let people help.
HOW DO I NOT GIVE A SHT (within reason)Â I am so desperate because I’m in a constant state of paranoia/fear/guilt. My hearts always racing aswell as my thoughts, which hinders my concentration when Im working. I dont eat much at all because the nervousness suppresses my appitite, I dont think this is a panic attack because its always there> I think I have an overactive amygdala, (always wired/startles easily even when anticipating, crys over […]
I shouldve tried harder last night. I wake up this morning, I find out that I failed every assignment I handed in. I officially have failed highschool. I’ll have to retake all of sophomore year. My girlfriend got ridiculed about me n I about her, so she hasn’t even looked at me today. My best friend tried to kill herself n is back in the hospital. My two other friends both were gone today. I got blamed for shit I didn’t do and I got a detention. I destroyed my hip flexor so that ends my track career. My parents destroyed my piece n my […]
I feel so screwed up, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve had a cutting problem for years now, I can’t get a hold of it. I recently started dating someone and I still can’t stop. It just upsets him, I get patronized for it. Whenever I’m in a situation where I have no one to talk to and I have overwhelming emotions, it’s always what I turn to. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I feel like a burden talking about my feelings, they must sound so trivial and whiny. If I keep it […]
I keep reaching out to those closest to me. One person in particular who says she cares. But evreytime i reach out she says the same couple things like im sorry i know and suicide is stupid. It just seems like she doesnt care as much as she says. And then noone else will take me seriously. Why wont they believe me why do you think i always wear long sleeves and when im not i always hold my arms close to my body. Do they not realize im dying inside. Ive told them i am. But they just look at me like im crazy. […]
Im new to this site i found it on a really bad day. In which i tried to kill myself. But here is my story.
My family has a history of clinical xepression and i was lucky enough to have it as well. I was officially diagnosed when i was 17 when my girlfriend at the time found me with a heroine needle in my arm with the intention of an overdose. I was in the hospital for three days then i was in inpatient for a couple wee ks. And since then ive been struggling with it. Recently it has been made worse by […]