So lately my life has been nothing but a drag. I have clinical depression bi-polar disorder aniexty issues and panic disorder. Everything will go great for me for a couple months and then shut the next day. I’m starting to feel like friends family and my boyfriend aren’t enough. I need help. I’ve been cutting since the 7th grade and have attempted a few times.
I dread catching the bus to school. I’m am sick of seeing that fat, black lady’s face, covered in makeup, twisted into an arrogant smile, with large dark sunglasses hiding her eyes.
She watches our every move. “Don’t sit there,” she says to one girl. “Move to the back.”
But let me start at the beginning.
She was a new bus driver, and an annoying one at that. We could deal with her radical arrivals: She would come at 8:50 one day and 8:15 the next. Not to mention her fast driving on the turns and over the bumps. But it was okay. She gradually improved.
But then she …
 Obviously, I was not done raging against the dying of the light. Unfortunately, the light is not done raging aginst me.
 I’m so tired of disappointing people, and myself. And here I am again, whining about how life’s too hard. Sadly, I see that there are so many other people who wanna end it but also lack the courage to shoot themselves. Gee, I guess I’m not special at all. That makes me feel really fuckin’ good, let me tell ya.
 I think my wife’s heading towards cheating on me with a guy she works with. My daughter’s been disappointed in me since day …
I need to vent. I need to let it all out before it continues nibbling on my insides and destroys me. Last time I spilled my insides to anyone was so long ago. I’ll guess I’ll start from the very, very start. It all started at a very young age. I had a babysitter because my parents were always too busy for me. She was this loud, eccentric middle-aged woman. She was pretty nice. But, as the time progressed I learned that in her house I had no freedom. I wasn’t able to express myself without feeling judged or without being yelled at. She made …
My demise… I wish there was something I could do to be remembered, but I am just lost. I wasted so much precious time playing video games, going to school, all that crap. That doesn’t mean I’m already past all that. I’m still wasting time. Wish I could go down with a bang, but I won’t, unless I suicide with a pistol of some sort. Hopefully a Colt… Or maybe a Revolver, just so my neighbor will remember how his favorite gun killed someone he knows. Ha, anyways I want to live and die fighting. I want to lead an army of outcasts(or some army) …
I always have to smile. Even though I have to live with the piece of shit I am forced to call my father. He used sexually and phsyically abuse me, yet I have to respect him. My mom thinks that I’m making all of this up. All of my closest friends are dead due to drugs or violence. The world is filled with so much blind, ignorant hate. I get preached by the church to be accepting while they damn me for being bisexual. I spend time studying and getting good grades, but for what? Everything is pointless..
I can’t live like this. Everyday i am always pretending to be someone i am not. A smart person, a kid that a sophmore can ask quietly how to do the homework, someone to take remarks with a smirk on my face. I’m not. Instead i’m really a fucked up idiot that can’t do shit without fucking it up. A depresssed teenager that can’t even do something simple as ending it on a weekend when the house is to myself for hours.  What my parents never know (or care for) is that for every injustice and unfair insult they inflict upon me is one step closer for me to …
No offense to people who still believe in it… but anyone besides me think that’s bull?
I’ve honestly been a hardcore advocate of true love and the strong ties between friends. Through many years, I realize this is bull. There is no such thing as true love and true friendship. They’ll all backstab you once they’re done with you. I can honestly say that I’ve always truly gave my love to someone before and did everything a good friend should and always been there for both but have never truly felt anyone do the same for me. Not once. I mean I’ve felt it like maybe during the small …
Surely we are all meant to be something more. But we aren’t. Chances are, we won’t ever be. And we go along wondering what the meaning to everything is. But we won’t ever know. I don’t even think there is a meaning to anything. We just need to feel like there is because it just makes sense. The thought of existing with no meaning is so depressing, we might as well all kill ourselves now.
I just wish things could last. Without having to constantly earn them. I don’t want to leave the only person who I find is worth anything. But I’m being forced to. …
Okay, so I know everybody has bad days and we’re supposed to persevere and all that jazz, but I honestly don’t feel like putting any effort into living anymore. Everyone around is fake and shallow; every time I try to talk to my “friends” about something that isn’t happy they just end up ignoring me and trying to change the subject. They also talk about people who cut themselves (which I have done for years), saying they should just get it over with already. they have no fucking idea how tempted I am…
Unfortunately, all my attempts have been stopped by people who “care” (which I …
The idea of suffering is used as a sense of being constantly in pain. Or something like that, I don’t feel like checking wikipedia for that. Anyways, I think I enjoy suffering. I am a pessimist also, I pity myself and feel like shit all the time. I always ***** about how I will never have my first girlfriend, even though I tell myself I’m too scared. I enjoy putting myself down. Also, whenever I go on this site. The fact that it’s got to do with suicide, makes me depressed just going on here, yet while I’m in high school classes. I go on …
I found this site while searching for ways to kill myself and saw how some people went through the same things that I have. Some went through worse and some not so bad as me. Yet, I wonder why I’m still here? I wanted to die so much. I still want to die so badly. Yet, I’m alive and still here, still suffering in pain.
I wish I can find some good ways to kill myself, but still haven’t found anything great. Everyday, I walk around school and all I see are fake looks in people’s eyes. Walking around alone, coming home alone, staying inside this …
When I don’t take my Meds I lose track of my myself. I sink in to a depression. The darkness takes over. All I can think of is my demons. All the mistakes I’ve made, the people I’ve hurt, those who I’ve lost are stuck in my head. The memories replaying again and again until I want to die.
I hate all those how rant about how suicide is a sin. I think they just fear death and that makes them feel weak. They hide their weakness behind walls of hate.
Suicide is not a sin. It is not a weakness. It takes strength to do. So many times I have …
I feel hopeless. I’ve known about this site for awhile and I tend to use it to help myself out of my bind. Mostly, I read some posts and if I get the nerve I’ll … rant. It seems theraputic, and after almost a dozen ‘strangers’ emailed me when I choked on a bottle of sleeping pills… Well, only a select few would bother emailing. And I mean a select few were honestly being supportive and so I reciprocated. Its overwhelming, but it was awesome. Unfortunately, this is a scar in my spirit, so it will literally never go away. Memory is like that. And …
I wake up each morning alone in my bed, unable to breathe when I think about the depressing things in my life.
I go to school alone, sit in class near people who are fakes. I talk to those around me, but can’t get close to anyone. I grow envious of those who laugh and smile with close friends near by, wondering why I can’t have someone like that.
I go home alone, heading straight to my room, where I’m caged in for years now.
I do homework and study alone, sitting on my room, unable to breathe thinking of how many people I trusted have lied to …
I’ve been hurting since December 2009 when this guy I met online (J) stopped responding to emails. I was really hurting before that because my dad’s a piece of shit who had six strokes and is really mentally ill. But it only started hurting so bad when J stopped talking to me. It ripped my guts out. I couldn’t breathe without him. I loved him so bad and it killed me that he didn’t want me anymore.
I met this amazing guy online (S) and I know he really exists, he made this whole organization and website for teens in crisis and I talk to him …
i really don’t know where to start
i’ve self harmed for a year and a half, it’s only getting worse, i have very low self esteem, my family is a complete mess, including abuse, attempted suicide and murder, affairs. that’s the least of my worries, i hate myself with a passion, what’s so wrong with me that makes everyone in my life want to leave me? i saw a psychiatrist for roughly a year, which really didn’t help me, neither did anti-depressants, i think about suicide everyday, how much easier it would be to feel nothing, i don’t think i could do it though, i’d feel …
I feel so empty inside. I have no one. Everyone who I ever cared about and loved don’t care about me at all.
The story of my life summed up: Only had girlfriends online. (lame, I know). Too shy to ask a girl out. Every friend that I got close to, end up not caring about me or moving far away and not ever talk to me again. Every new friends I try to make, are always distant from me. My family aren’t close and we don’t do anything together, not even eat in the same room. I’m always stuck inside my room when I don’t …
Oh my god. Humans are considered many things. Mostly evil, often disguised as nice. Anyways this is just my ranting about random crap while listening to the flobots (whoo!!! Jk I don’t say that) anyways I think there is many things I think about when I’m bored… And lemme tell you, my home is extremely boring at my dads place, but my moms place is better. Anyways, what’s the point in living with such evil creatures [humans]? I am still depressed, but I think I kind of accepted my depression and felt happy? Idk if that’s what caused me to feel better but as a …
i cant deal with it realy…its to hard….i spend most of my time alone all my firends r to fair away frm me now..i thought i could deal with it and i was for a wile then i got with my ex…2 fucken yrs i gave him and he was helping me pick up the peices and stop being so bad….then he just goes..and i broke again…i put on a brave face for everyone wen i just wana slice my wrists and sleep and never wake up its even hard not to cut anymore :'(Â i dont wana slip backwards anymore i noe its gettin …
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