Rants

4

only one holding up

June 4th, 2009by tess

i was bored today, so i started looking around the site again. i haven’t poked around for a while now. as i was reading people’s stories, i found myself envious of them. i think i know why. some of the people here- correction, MANY of the people here have already attempted suicide. and i am jealous. it’s not just in this online world, it’s in my reality too. it seems ok for everyone else to break down, but not me. a kid i had known for years hung himself in the week before his bar mitzvah. we saw my neighbor get carted out of her …

Processing your request, Please wait....
0

My friend that is my suicide

June 2nd, 2009by Suicidal

” I’ve often thought of suicide as my anwser. But now i regret it. I Slit my wrist way to deep all the blood rushes from my gentle body as i lay crimped up on the floor i wonder if anyone even cares. My funeral was horrible no one even bother to release a tear. not one. No one came to claim me as there’s. No boys seem to take a look when i walk by they just go on&on about the measly lives of the tiredness of the others with in the room. No counselor seems to listen when i scream at the top of …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

Impossible to go to sleep and wake up to another day

June 1st, 2009by Freija

I don’t want to live anymore, it’s that simple…

I am a dreamer, and throughout difficult times in my life, I always had this light pulling me toward better days.

I am now 35, depression has always been a part of my life, and I am feeling exhausted.

I lost everything, I am left with nothing.  Building my life again would take me an incredible amount of strength that I do not have at this point.

I know what is the core of my endless suffering: I simply need love.  But that cannot be done consciously, and when I have truly loved, I have always lost.  I cannot keep …

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

looking for a way out

June 1st, 2009by everwaiting

I am a 17 year old girl and I found this website while seeking least painful methods of suicide on Google.

If I had half an ounce of courage in my veins, I would damn painlessness and go out messily: off the edge of a building of with a bullet to the temple. I am, however, extraordinarily cowardly when it comes to agony. I would be inclined towards an overdose, but I hear that’s a horrible way to go – vomitting. I would inject some air into a vein, but where would I get the syringe? And I’m no fan of needles… In short, the recurrent …

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

a Title is irrelevant

May 28th, 2009by Hotsauce

I realized I could kill myself at a young age. When I grew older, I realized that being suicidal brought attention. Even more older, I realized being suicidal would eventually alienate people. Eventually I realized, My feelings of suicide, were real, and instead of providing help, people would rather compare and challenge my problems with theirs, just to justify they were a bit more troubled than I was. I suppose that’s how my friends justified ignoring me.

I found that when my “symptoms” didn’t fit textbook examples of typical suicidal people, that psychiatrists started shortening my visits, yet still wrote out prescriptions. I found that only …

Processing your request, Please wait....
9

im a nothing

May 26th, 2009by anothing

i sit at school in the computer lab and all i can think to do i look up things on suicide.  I always find pictures and stories and more and more ideas just go through my brain.  Im so sick of my life and i want to be dead. I cant do anything right, i have no friends, my parents hate me , and i have no future.  I think tonights the night.  i just want to get it over with. i can’t wait to get home and finish it once and for all!

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

Help

May 25th, 2009by painterofmusic

          Everything hurts. The secrets I can’t tell anyone, and no one cares at all. Who do I turn to? How do I say the words to someone, someone I trust, that is going to make them understand? Who would I tell? Who can I trust? How do I get even one minute with them only three days before school is out? I’m going to die this summer. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t stand my life anymore, my mind… I have secrets that are killing me, literally. I’m going to die because I can’t take knowing the things I know. And even …

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

not so clever here

May 22nd, 2009by smthincleverhere

Since I was about 10 year old I have had suicidal thoughts. Up until about 15 minutes ago I was about to down a bottle of Advil pm and end it all.

This isn’t my first attempt at finding an answer or a cure to these feelings and thoughts on the internet. I’ve searched and read all the pleas and recovery stories. The thing is, I could never do it myself, at least I haven’t been able to. I get to the point where the pills or blade is in my hand and I can’t seem to finish. Some might say that is a good thing. …

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

Dans Rant

May 20th, 2009by overstayed

If you saw me , met me, got to know me,  the last impression you would get from me would be of suicidal  tendacies and an evergrowing dependency on otc drugs for helping me sleep or feel good through through the day.  Basically I am well mannerred well behaived outwoodly happy like socialble enough  to make you believe  im  basically  — ok..     However,  I dont remember  the last time I was happy. Infact I dont remember even  if I ever was happy.  I no how to pretend to appear happy.  Thats not happy though.  I have had friends. Good friends with families that have helped …

Processing your request, Please wait....
3

Neutrality.

May 17th, 2009by Tassles

Huh, so I’m new to this whole website. I hope I put this in the right category, and didn’t miss anything vital.

(DISCLAIMER: I don’t know how to use paragraphs effectively!)

Anyway. Over the years I have read a lot of posts, heard a lot of arguments against suicide. Its been roughly 8 years since I seriously became suicidal. It started with the sadness, the depression. I felt bad about myself and my lot in life. The first three years was spent convincing myself that its okay. Now, I can accept death by my own doing.

I’m not really sad anymore. I’m pretty neutral. Which, I think, is …

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

So much talent wanting to die

May 15th, 2009by BlackSheep

I stumbled on here like most – ADHD-ing through web links.  I see these posts and I am blown away by the talent I see – those who express themselves so wonderfully in words.  ESPECIALLY the young ones!  Poetry like my husband, who has tried suicide more than once.  That is until a massive heart attack ‘killed’ him.  He came back with terrible damage, but his poetry is something ‘not of this world’.  I will give the web site below and everyone is invited to send in your wonderful sentiments – those of hope AND despair.

My husband now is the strong one – he is …

Processing your request, Please wait....
6

Decision Made

May 14th, 2009by cocoabean15

I made up my mind today. I’m going to go through with it. Tomorrow my family will wake up to find me dead. There’s no hope left for me. Thank you to everyone that has tried to talk me out of this i appreciate your efforts but it wasn’t enough. I know I have to do this. I’m not afraid. I will try tonight and hopefully my plan works. If not, I’ll keep trying but if it does, I’ll see you on the other side.

Processing your request, Please wait....
0

ups and downs

May 13th, 2009by upliftinglydotcom

I’ve never really understood things the way others seem to and I often feel out of place.  It seems just when I start feeling good about life and feel like there is something I can really get behind and feel proud about supporting, I get shot down by obstacles and people (sometimes those few who are close to me).  I’ve always had a view of the world tinted by dreamer’s eyes, and so realism isn’t exactly always my forte.  I can get passionate about anything, but I can also get down and out about anything.  At the drop of a hat I can turn from …

Processing your request, Please wait....
16

Goodbye Cruel World

May 13th, 2009by Eddie1331

So is it so bad to be a gay male.. Yes it is, from how I’m treated.  You’d think I was a fucking childmolesting murderer for how the people at school treat me.  But no, just gay.  It’s my senior year of high school too and you think it’d be the best but it has undeniably been the worst.  I never knew that coming out would have such negative consequences. WTF was I thinking!  I live in Montana in a small town FULL of homophobes.  And everyone knows that I am gay so that past five months since I did come out have been hell. Everyday I go through the same ritual …

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

We’ll See

May 12th, 2009by imforgotten

I don’t know how to live the “right” type of life. To me, living hurts. Dying is simple. To die, all you have to do is stop. To live, you have to do everything. Somebody told me that every breath you take is a choice. If that’s the case, I’m going to stop breathing. That’s my choice. To be or not to be? I choose to not. I’m tired of living. I have chosen how I want to go; I just need a place and a time. I’m waiting but we’ll see. I know that nobody should want to die, but I do. That’s what …

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

Today is the end

May 11th, 2009by robins

Every day I feel less like living more like dying.  I feel like a zombie going through the emotions of life only to be grasping.  My husband truly hates me.  How do I know?  He tells me that I am a horrible person who has no redeeming qualities.  All I do I do for him and our child.  He just hates me and I am not sure what to do with that.  We have been together since we’re 18 and I just can’t see how to go on without him.  That’s all I ever wanted to be was his wife.  I really have no life without him.

I …

Processing your request, Please wait....
3

7,7,7,0

May 10th, 2009by AbsentFeeling

I forgot about everything. Just a total blank out and then I fell apart. Tears were pouring down my face. When my mom finally came back from work we decided to go for a car drive. She said, as she often does, that something wasn’t quite right about me. Then she asked if I was at all suicidal. I quickly told her no, hoping to hear what would happen if I had said yes. She did a small cough/laugh and said that if I said yes I would go straight to the Mental Hospital. I know for sure that I couldn’t talk to her about …

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

Untitled

May 10th, 2009by painterofmusic

No one is going to read this. I don’t know why I came back here to this website. I figured I never would after I found it the first time, but here I go again… This is exactly like when I found out I was pregnant, to a T; I was going to end my life, but then, an opportunity presented itself. I saw what might be a reason to live. Judging by before, assuming that the past paints a pretty good portrait of the future, I’ll be worse off than before. If I had gone through with everything before, I wouldn’t be hurting this way …

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

Untitled

May 10th, 2009by painterofmusic

I’m not entirely sure what I’m thinking by posting this. I’ve kept to myself for all this time, no one is going to read this, and no one on here cares anymore than anyone around here. I mean, people say the words, but they don’t really mean them. You can hear, “I DO care about you!” but as soon as they say that, they’re off doing something else. But I guess if I’ve come this far, if I typed the words on the search engine that led me to this website, if this really is some low blow at getting suicidal people reported, whatever the reason …

Processing your request, Please wait....
3

May 8th, 2009by dyingstar51

I’ve been hospitalized twice for trying to commit suicide. The times I’ve tried were because of me being sexually abused. The first time I was 10. The second 14. Now I am 17 and have yet again been sexually abused. It seems like I’m cursed. I haven’t reported it because the last two times I did, nothing happened. The case was thrown out both times. I’ve resorted back to cutting. I find it as my comfort. It soothes me. When no one understands I know that my razor does. It’s helped me through some pretty shitty times and I miss it when I try to …

Processing your request, Please wait....