Journal Entry #3: December 15th 2010

  December 15th, 2010 by hollydaze

Today has been interesting, I’m in a funny mood. I just got home from school and had oatmeal with banana and cinnamon and vanilla yogurt in it, It was really good. I feel very full now, and I ate lunch today as well, I had a rice cake, two crackers, and some carrots and some pumpkin seeds, not too much, but filling.

Im afraid, I have work in about an hour, and I don’t want to binge, I binge at work usually, and it helps the time go by faster, but it ruins my day. I dont know how to control it. I work at a …

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morals vs conform

  December 14th, 2010 by zdeathchanz

i cant stand it. i am angry. goddammit i havent been angry in a while.

my set of few morals:

if it aint your business then dont talk about it to other people.

dont lie to yourself.

dont have sex (as in willingly) until you are 16. (one more year)

yeah, not hard to follow. well, maybe the second, but it can be easy to fix. my friends expected me to break the first! its strange though. i nearly killed tina when she said in her snotty attitude “trade me places i dont want to sit by her anymore” just because i told her that its not my …

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I don’t get it.

  December 14th, 2010 by neverthesame

I’m fifteen years old, and have been clinically depressed since I was ten.
people are always telling me to “wait it out” and that you wont feel like this forever.
well, I’ve been depressed for five years now.
And reading some of other peoples stories on here that our older, it seems like there life hasn’t got any better.
so why keep on living this depressing life?
why not just end it early, so I don’t have to live like this, since it clearly does not get better, it still sucks.
I don’t get why I should keep on living, feeling worse and worse  by the day.
And it’s only gonna get …

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Journal Entry #2: December 14th 2010

  December 14th, 2010 by hollydaze

Today I have decided to do this first,

Today is kinda my relaxed day. I dont have work, so I most likely wont binge, my 21 year old sister is coming home and I only have one thing I must do, which is read fifth business, the whole book, for tomorrow.

I woke up this morning late, and was late for first period, I had english and presented a project that I had no idea what I was talking about, it was on The Scarlet Letter, which is probably the most boring book I have ever read other than Fifth Business.

After I had Leadership, and I was …

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journal entry #1 Dec. 13/10

  December 13th, 2010 by hollydaze

I found this website while feeling quite depressed this afternoon, it was not a good day: I fucked up my antidepressants and I need somewhere to vent, so this will be my kind-of blog, or journal, somewhere where others can read it, or they can keep living their lives.

Today was a tough day. I live in a quite elite aria, where social status is everything and money is important. I am one of the more popular people at my highschool, and I am in grade 11. Im a quite good student and achieve around an 80% average every semester.

I have bulimia, which has transformed into …

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  December 13th, 2010 by satans_princess

On here we all talk about how this place has helped us so much and how these people uderstand us. we should start an organization. With all these people on here it could spread so FAST! help people see tha light come out of he dark and make bliss seem more reachable.

ifyou think it’s a good idea and would like to help me ge this going email me at:


the more the better!

lets make a diffrence!

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my story

  December 13th, 2010 by zdeathchanz

i feel like i should share my story for someone to know why i have gone, so at least someone can know what really happened to me so i can leave in peace.

my dad is from the west coast and my moms from missouri. how they met is a mystery. somewhere between august and september, the condom broke and i was concieved. i know for a fact that it was a condom that broke because they weren’t married and dad would be cautious. i was then born 9 months later into a fucked-up family. my aunt had two kids, each without a dad (well, you …

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Absolute Apathy

  December 12th, 2010 by js909

First of all, TL;DR.

I read the following on one of the links from this site:

“It is the part of the person that is afraid of more pain that says Don’t tell anyone. It is the part that wants to stay alive that tells you about it.”

It just made me think about the fact that it’s been over three years since I’ve admitted to anyone that I was depressed or had thoughts of suicide, even though that has been the case every single day since I last admitted it.

It’s been 1188 days since I last revealed to anyone I knew personally that I still felt no …

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Maybe not today or tomorrow but someday

  December 11th, 2010 by Left2Chance

I’m 24. I’m a nurse. I’m a mother. I have friends who love me. I have a job that I’m well respected at. I have good clothes on my back, and food at my table. I have a boyfriend that’s watched me try to die at least 5 times now in agony.

I remember feeling this way since I was 15 when I tried it the first time. There will be periods I can tolerate myself. Then there are those periods where I cannot. Those are the times when I think my heart is folding onto itself. …

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Horrible Pointless Life

  December 10th, 2010 by BornDepressed87


Im a 23 year old male from the UK.

My life is pointless and I have never been happy.

I have sufferd from depression and other mental health issues for years. Ive been on so many different types of medication for my mental health problems. I am currently taking Venlafaxine.

I have a very poor education and I have no job.

I was very violent in my early teens, I was permanently excluded from school at the age of 13, then I was sent to a pupil referral unit along with other misbehaved kids.

I was addicted to amphetamine when I was 13 up untill I was 16, I also smoked cannabis heavily at that age. Then I stopped using them and …

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I have it all but it’s not enough in Sunny California

  December 9th, 2010 by thexwolf

I’m  33/Hispanic/male in Southern California. I’ve always done good and people say I got it better than most. I worked for the same company from 21-30 years old and made good money, then I got my DREAM job. Although things are slow because of the economy, I know pretty soon things are going to get better. I work in the international cargo trade industry. And although I have good friends and family, buy nice things and go out pretty often, I’ve never felt whole. I feel so sad, so often, as is i’ve missed something good by mere moments. I wish all people were good and …

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Loneliness is my killer.

  December 6th, 2010 by DanielJackson

There is still this feeling of loneliness I cannot escape.  A deep social isolation which has been embedded into my soul, instilled from childhood.  Early in life, I felt the sting of rejection after rejection after I gained weight and lost all my friends.  I became a total social outcast for no good reason other than I was different.  I struggled during lunch time to find tables to sit at as no one wanted to speak with me.  There were many times where I’d spend my lunch time in the bathroom, not wanting to feel publicly awkward.  The downward spiral of social rejection continued past …

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So I’m losing control I thinking about killing myself again

  December 6th, 2010 by akgirl

I’m the friend who they go to when the need to be cheered up or when they need someone to listen… when will they realize that I need somebody I can talk to?

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Friends? As if.

  December 4th, 2010 by loreildarksky

I want out. I want to die… I have nothing left to fight for. I have nothing… no one. Not even my friends, anymore.
I’m thought… I have friends… but how can I trust that? How can I believe it? When I need for someone to notice that something is wrong, when I need a hug or for someone to say that they’ll be there for me… no one ever does. Only when they thought they lost me did they actually say anything. And within a few minutes they forgot about it.
Like I’m taken for granted and always have been. I’ve sat and listened through …

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I don’t know what to do anymore.

  December 1st, 2010 by Shes_Gone_Inside

 I’ve checked this website out for a few months now, just browsing after stumbling upon it by accident.

At least, if anyone ever asks why it’s in my history, that’s what I’ll say..

Well, the just browsing part is true, but the coming here as an accident, is not. Honestly? I’ve been depressed for a really long time. And I’m still young… I had a really rough childhood and had to basically raise myself. I’m too scared to talk specifically about my life here…but it’s just been so,so hard and I don’t know what to do anymore. I used to say to myself that I could make …

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My secret confessions

  November 29th, 2010 by SweetRevenge

I was browsing around a nd i found this site. maybe itll help me. i have hopefully kept myself as anonymous as possible to tell my story. I cant talk to my friends or family cuz they either think im crazy or just looking for attention. sometimes i agree with them.

It started when i was 5. my great grandfather molested me for about a year before it stopped. he has been dead now for 2 years. It didnt come out to my family until late last year. When i was 8 an important someone in my life molested me until i was 9 when he …

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i saw this and had to post it on here cuz it feels kinda perfect now…

  November 28th, 2010 by oktobresnoe

So I just want to say that this poem is written by Hayley Williams, the lead singer of my favorite band, Paramore. She wrote it on my birthday (June 18) in 2005. I DO NOT OWN THIS AND ALL CREDIT GOES TO HAYLEY.

insomniac theatre: a waste of sleepless nights

have i lost you?

surely that wasn’t the last night i’ll fall asleep with you on the phone.

you know i look forward to that, right?

allllll day just waiting to go to sleep with you whispering in my ear.

i know you love me but are we okay?

is there something i did wrong?

i want you to be fine with me

and …

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  November 28th, 2010 by oktobresnoe

hey guys. its me again oktobresnoe. umm thanks to everybody who eamiled me. that means a lot. but i still feel so useless and i can’t do this anymore. i don’t wanna kill myself because of the friends i will hurt. they are the only people who will cry at my funeral probably. so after i posted that the other night i tried to kill myself but somehow im still here. im not really sure how to be honest, but i am and i guess while im here i have to be really nice to the people who actually care so that they wont think …

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Lost in my own Mind

  November 27th, 2010 by loreildarksky

I just can’t get this feeling that I need to tell someone everything… For me, this is as close as I’ll ever get… I’m sorry if it takes a little while to explain everything, but this is also me trying to sort everything out as well as tell.

I’m trapped in my own head… I have three different “me”s inside my mind, all yelling and screaming and fighting to get out. Every day I have to face it–how can I not, when it’s myself that’s turned against me? And every day I’m drifting farther and farther from sanity, safety, and all my loved ones, because I …

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There has to be something to be thankful for.

  November 25th, 2010 by xstoryofmylifex3

Well, today is thanksgiving…And I just feel….miserable.

My parents have told me so many times that I should be thankful for having such a “great family” like them, but the words will never come out of my mouth. Thanksgiving is a holiday where people show they are thankful for people, things, lives, etc. In my opinion, some people take things for granted. Think about someone in your life who has everything they want, for me, it would be my cousin. She has a wonderful life; the perfect parents, all the food she can eat, and so much more. But she just turns to her parents and asks …

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