Rants

14

Purpose (die)

  December 27th, 2010 by RogueShadow1281

Well, I am writing again how life is hard for me. I am not a rape survivor or anything very big like some of the other people on here, but that doesn’t mean life is great. I cannot tell my parents anything. i have no self-esteem, never had a girlfriend, failing school, stepmom hates me, dad doesnt listen to me. Yesterday, I felt fatigued, my head hurted, muscles ached, back hurted, and i looked it up and found out for the 50th time. i have a high chance of severe depression. Only problem is, I can’t get the ****in balls to tell my mom about …

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8

Merry ****ing Xmas

  December 24th, 2010 by waterfallofpaint

It’s Christmas again. And what have you done? Another year wasted. A new one still to come.

32 years. I can remember the past dozen. Some were ok. Everything that was fun is just a bitter memory of the past. With an unlikelyhood that things will get better. So I’m hiding in my room again. Like a god-damn teenager, but I can no longer blame it on hormones. Now it’s just *me*.

I’m educated, rich enough and slightly underweight. Not particularly attractive. My family is kind and mildly successful without being conceited.

“I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship”

Noone has contacted me …

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1

Crimson Justice (And The Razorblade Requiem)

  December 22nd, 2010 by BrokenDevil

Fractured memories of all these war-torn years,
stab into my soul, giving strength to wasted tears.
Trust, a luxury I cannot afford.
Condemned by my own accord.
(slice.)
Heated arguements have lead to silence.
Now I’m locked away, suffering quiet violence.
The need to loose control is just so tempting.
The mirror I look into is now empty.
(slice.)
Once I was promised your salvation.
But your hatred lies on me as abomination.
(slice, slice.)
No one to run to, nowhere to go
this loathing breeds in me, I know.
I hate this horror, need to hide
from the disappointment I have inside.
I’ve murdured everyone who’s cared
out of self defense, because I’m scared.
That the beast inside has become me
and I need

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3

I don’t wanna die but tempted

  December 21st, 2010 by cattygirl96

I just turned 14 last week, and although i know im not the person with the most loss or destruction in my family but i’ve still tried. I read this stuff to make me feel better, i sound selfish, but it shows me how im not the worst person in the world. I’ve recently had a friend who bagged on my looks, always calling me ugly and worth nothing. Once she was gone, my parents started to treat me like nothing, and call me a piece of shit. I’ve just gotten into cutting and having thoughts of dying. I don’t cut far enough to make …

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4

Am I selfish?

  December 19th, 2010 by sakura_haruko

I hate this so much. I’m starting to feel paranoid again.

I’m really fucking tired of you following me. And I’m really fucking tired of you saying that you know me.

If I have to chew you out when I see you next time, believe me, I will NOT hesitate to do so.

Disregarding that, I feel really selfish. I don’t know. I feel like I’m getting more and more distant from people in general. It’s not like I’m wanting to, it’s just that I feel secluded even when I’m in a group of people. It’s almost like I just don’t belong there or that if I just …

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4

I don’t know anymore.

  December 16th, 2010 by Narugami

My life.. Why does every shit happen to me? What have I ever done?  Everyday of my life, before I go to sleep, I always think about dying.. I always ask myself why was I even born.. Why do I have to go through everything? School and people around me, they see me as something I’m not.. I smile a lot but every smile burns me on the inside.. Everything hurts.. Why do I only have people who use me? People who doesn’t care about me? I don’t have anyone.. No friends.. My parents are divorced, my mom makes me feel like I’m just an …

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3

the last thread won’t break;

  December 16th, 2010 by bluuelephant

ever since I was 11, i’ve hated myself. I was the last in everything, the ugly duckling. when I got skinnier and prettier and grew up in high-school, I was never happy. I always got the crappy friends who used me or just wanted to make fun of me. I learned about cutting first, it was my drug against suicide at the time. arms, legs, fingers, feet, if I could hide it I cut it. I never liked my body. I thought no-one else did either. then suddenly cutting wasn’t enough. the depression came and left, like an ongoing tidal wave that never stopped it’s …

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4

illness.

  December 15th, 2010 by zdeathchanz

people on here tell me to not commit suicide. hm. what if i told you that i am sick. if i told you i was actually sick and lost 10 pounds in the past few months even though i eat, wud u believe me? would u be amazed if i said i am now 80 pounds and am losing more and more?

no. of course not. but its true. and i really dont want to die due to an illness. its my own choice, my death is. and id rather go off in bang than otherwise.

well…this is one of the reasons at least that ill …

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3

Journal Entry #3: December 15th 2010

  December 15th, 2010 by hollydaze

Today has been interesting, I’m in a funny mood. I just got home from school and had oatmeal with banana and cinnamon and vanilla yogurt in it, It was really good. I feel very full now, and I ate lunch today as well, I had a rice cake, two crackers, and some carrots and some pumpkin seeds, not too much, but filling.

Im afraid, I have work in about an hour, and I don’t want to binge, I binge at work usually, and it helps the time go by faster, but it ruins my day. I dont know how to control it. I work at a …

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4

morals vs conform

  December 14th, 2010 by zdeathchanz

i cant stand it. i am angry. goddammit i havent been angry in a while.

my set of few morals:

if it aint your business then dont talk about it to other people.

dont lie to yourself.

dont have sex (as in willingly) until you are 16. (one more year)

yeah, not hard to follow. well, maybe the second, but it can be easy to fix. my friends expected me to break the first! its strange though. i nearly killed tina when she said in her snotty attitude “trade me places i dont want to sit by her anymore” just because i told her that its not my …

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2

I don’t get it.

  December 14th, 2010 by neverthesame

I’m fifteen years old, and have been clinically depressed since I was ten.
people are always telling me to “wait it out” and that you wont feel like this forever.
well, I’ve been depressed for five years now.
And reading some of other peoples stories on here that our older, it seems like there life hasn’t got any better.
so why keep on living this depressing life?
why not just end it early, so I don’t have to live like this, since it clearly does not get better, it still sucks.
I don’t get why I should keep on living, feeling worse and worse  by the day.
And it’s only gonna get …

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6

Journal Entry #2: December 14th 2010

  December 14th, 2010 by hollydaze

Today I have decided to do this first,

Today is kinda my relaxed day. I dont have work, so I most likely wont binge, my 21 year old sister is coming home and I only have one thing I must do, which is read fifth business, the whole book, for tomorrow.

I woke up this morning late, and was late for first period, I had english and presented a project that I had no idea what I was talking about, it was on The Scarlet Letter, which is probably the most boring book I have ever read other than Fifth Business.

After I had Leadership, and I was …

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5

journal entry #1 Dec. 13/10

  December 13th, 2010 by hollydaze

I found this website while feeling quite depressed this afternoon, it was not a good day: I fucked up my antidepressants and I need somewhere to vent, so this will be my kind-of blog, or journal, somewhere where others can read it, or they can keep living their lives.

Today was a tough day. I live in a quite elite aria, where social status is everything and money is important. I am one of the more popular people at my highschool, and I am in grade 11. Im a quite good student and achieve around an 80% average every semester.

I have bulimia, which has transformed into …

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1

SCREW THIS LETS ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!

  December 13th, 2010 by satans_princess

On here we all talk about how this place has helped us so much and how these people uderstand us. we should start an organization. With all these people on here it could spread so FAST! help people see tha light come out of he dark and make bliss seem more reachable.

ifyou think it’s a good idea and would like to help me ge this going email me at:

rosealcorn@live.com

the more the better!

lets make a diffrence!

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3

my story

  December 13th, 2010 by zdeathchanz

i feel like i should share my story for someone to know why i have gone, so at least someone can know what really happened to me so i can leave in peace.

my dad is from the west coast and my moms from missouri. how they met is a mystery. somewhere between august and september, the condom broke and i was concieved. i know for a fact that it was a condom that broke because they weren’t married and dad would be cautious. i was then born 9 months later into a fucked-up family. my aunt had two kids, each without a dad (well, you …

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6

Absolute Apathy

  December 12th, 2010 by js909

First of all, TL;DR.

I read the following on one of the links from this site:

“It is the part of the person that is afraid of more pain that says Don’t tell anyone. It is the part that wants to stay alive that tells you about it.”

It just made me think about the fact that it’s been over three years since I’ve admitted to anyone that I was depressed or had thoughts of suicide, even though that has been the case every single day since I last admitted it.

It’s been 1188 days since I last revealed to anyone I knew personally that I still felt no …

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9

Maybe not today or tomorrow but someday

  December 11th, 2010 by Left2Chance

I’m 24. I’m a nurse. I’m a mother. I have friends who love me. I have a job that I’m well respected at. I have good clothes on my back, and food at my table. I have a boyfriend that’s watched me try to die at least 5 times now in agony.

I remember feeling this way since I was 15 when I tried it the first time. There will be periods I can tolerate myself. Then there are those periods where I cannot. Those are the times when I think my heart is folding onto itself. …

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11

Horrible Pointless Life

  December 10th, 2010 by BornDepressed87

Hello,

Im a 23 year old male from the UK.

My life is pointless and I have never been happy.

I have sufferd from depression and other mental health issues for years. Ive been on so many different types of medication for my mental health problems. I am currently taking Venlafaxine.

I have a very poor education and I have no job.

I was very violent in my early teens, I was permanently excluded from school at the age of 13, then I was sent to a pupil referral unit along with other misbehaved kids.

I was addicted to amphetamine when I was 13 up untill I was 16, I also smoked cannabis heavily at that age. Then I stopped using them and …

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0

I have it all but it’s not enough in Sunny California

  December 9th, 2010 by thexwolf

I’m  33/Hispanic/male in Southern California. I’ve always done good and people say I got it better than most. I worked for the same company from 21-30 years old and made good money, then I got my DREAM job. Although things are slow because of the economy, I know pretty soon things are going to get better. I work in the international cargo trade industry. And although I have good friends and family, buy nice things and go out pretty often, I’ve never felt whole. I feel so sad, so often, as is i’ve missed something good by mere moments. I wish all people were good and …

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5

Loneliness is my killer.

  December 6th, 2010 by DanielJackson

There is still this feeling of loneliness I cannot escape.  A deep social isolation which has been embedded into my soul, instilled from childhood.  Early in life, I felt the sting of rejection after rejection after I gained weight and lost all my friends.  I became a total social outcast for no good reason other than I was different.  I struggled during lunch time to find tables to sit at as no one wanted to speak with me.  There were many times where I’d spend my lunch time in the bathroom, not wanting to feel publicly awkward.  The downward spiral of social rejection continued past …

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