Rants

8

The ‘What the hell is wrong with you all’ rant

  February 7th, 2010 by Strange_Kid

Hello all. First of all, don’t start judging me from the title. I’m not some suicide-hater or sth. I accidently stumbled on this site because I too am ‘one of you’ and keep thinking of ending my life.

The reason I am writing now is because after skimming through some of the posts (because I HATE reading), I’ve noticed a few things. The one thing I noticed that disgusted me was this 34-year old man WHO HAS A 3-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER and is planning to die,  make it look like an accident and his family would collect the life inssurance. He ends his post with “We’ll all …

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2

Worthless

  February 7th, 2010 by Xechi

Worthless doesn’t even explain how I’m feeling right now. Actually, worthless doesn’t explain how I’ve been feeling for the past few years. I don’t even know why I joined this site… or anything. How do you even begin?

Hi! I’m suicidal! How was your day?

Yeah, doesn’t sound like a very good idea. I guess, generally, I decided to write this to either gain insight from somebody that isn’t biased by knowing me. Or… I don’t know… figure things out. So, yeah. I’m suicidal. How was your day?

Actually, saying I’m suicidal is very wrong. I can’t kill

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0

Pain of a Child

  February 4th, 2010 by lunasdeathwatch

I’ve lost 3 pounds in the last 2 days. I’m hungry and I can’t breathe. I have no idea why I refuse to eat. Maybe I’m trying to prove something. I just don’t want to live anymore…

I took  break from love for a while, but now I am at the place I was when I was 12 (Yes, to me a year is a lifetime) I don’t want a pathetic little puppy love, meaningless practice relationship. I want the guy I dream about! Why in the hell can’t I have that? Is it really that naive to want the almost perfect guy? I don’t want …

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0

Russian Roulette

  February 3rd, 2010 by lunasdeathwatch

I keep playing Russian Roulette (THE SONG!) over and over again. It provokes my old thought process. I was able to write poetry for the first time in a few weeks. It was pretty intense.

I have to go to martial arts tonight. I like it a lot but I feel stupid since I’m just a beginner, and since I kind of like my instructor and this other guy in my class. But, lucky me… They’re too much older than me. The last guy I dated was 17 and he was flaky as hell! He was so annoying. And he tried to act like he knew …

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0

Trust me, you wouldn’t care…

  February 1st, 2010 by lunasdeathwatch

I try to downplay what I feel. Or I try to make it more than it’s worth. People know me to have so much depth, never giving me a break from their expectations. At least they’re starting to give up on me. I do martial arts, I sing, I dance, I write, I’m always obsessed with something, and I’m always depressed…. But, I never, ever cry.

People used to love saying “Let me pray for you” or “Jesus will help you” I used to hear that shit all the time until I told my teacher to fuck off. It’s actually kind of funny since she’s my …

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2

life never okay..

  January 26th, 2010 by Weirdscenekid123

I’ve been there.
A place no one wants to go.
Not ever.
Being touched in bed at night, to being beaten unconscious.
Life never gets better for me.
I now lay awake at night scared of him coming in.
Scared to close my eyes and I’d open them and he’d be there.
That pain never goes away in my mind.
I have scars from all of the pain he caused me.
Cutting is my main coping resource, suicide running through my mind everynight.
The want to just end it all makes my brain freeze in time.
One day it will be over, and I’ll be gone. maybe soon.
Its all i hope …

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0

Just why?

  January 25th, 2010 by electriclollie

Okay so at first look one would obviously think I’ve got it going good. I’ve got a beautiful son a husband and lots of friends. I’m still maintaining a job even through out this terrible recession or whatever you want to call it. There are just some things I can’t seem to get passed. And now my husband has found that his father for all intensive purposes has cancer that would normally kill a person 3 years after diagnose and he has been laid off so I can’t talk to him as he is already depressed.  Hopefully this will help.

I’ve always been the upbeat never give up kinda girl …

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5

Darkness in my heart

  January 24th, 2010 by Entity

There is darkness in my heart
Which is tearing me apart
Can I love it? No I hate it!
No one in this world can really stand it

Days are passing, nights are coming
And heart in my chest is crying
No one hears it, no one cares
Is there no hope in this place?

My dark secret I must hide
Razor blade will be my bride
She is cute and she is nice
She is curing my soul twice

One for control over it
One for comfort, so that’s it!
I’m bleeding, you can trust
Now I don’t care for the most

Most of the things I have lost
No one cared, now I’m ghost.

I wrote this short poem today. I …

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3

I hate you too *****!

  January 18th, 2010 by whiteylover

Don’t bother with this it’s just an all out rant.

 

There was no need, absolutely no need for you to go and tell the whole world mother! Especially my grandfather. He’s the most self centered person I know other than my sister and he was the one who told me I needed to let it go and move on. He didn’t know anything. He didn’t know what was really going on in that school and he didn’t know half of the hell I was put through! He put me through so much trama, all because you believed the words he said just because he is a …

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0

I continuously get called Satan.

  January 17th, 2010 by silent

So earlier, i got a blood nose out of nowhere. I haven’t had one for at least 6 years now. To be covered in my own blood when i hadn’t even been cutting felt rather strange because i never bleed. I liked it, the taste of it in my mouth.. I know, this would sound rather strange at the moment, it also sounds strange to me. But having no control over what my body is going to do, felt good. Really good. I don’t even know why i’m writing this, i just feel odd at the moment. Kind of like i’m not here, that i’m …

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3

FML

  January 14th, 2010 by drawingfool

I wish I were dead. There I wrote it. I’m too much of a coward to actually go about killing myself so I’m stuck with just wishing I were dead. I’m 32 years old, I’ve never had a girlfriend in my life, have a shitty customer service job that barely pays the bills and I’m stuck under a mountain of debt with the very real possibility of losing my house. I would think it would be impossible for someone to be this pathetic, this much of a loser, but its like life has conspired to make sure my life is a joke. I remember in …

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8

Done. D-O-N-E

  January 13th, 2010 by whiteylover

fml. I am finished, finished trying to stop myself, finished letting people stop me. I need to cut, I need that release. You can’t stop me. I am consumed with hurt, pain, and a desire to die. That desire is overwhelming me and I just want to die. I can’t do it anymore, I won’t do it anymore. I pray that I will die and that’s not working. I don’t think I have the strength to pull the trigger but eventually I know I will. I want to die on a wednesday, before church. The people that have hurt me most are at church and …

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6

a poem

  January 5th, 2010 by whiteylover

I’ve done the best i possibly can,
To try and make you understand.
But no one seems to really see,
That a certain something, is destroying me.

It’s something that engulfs your life,
Makes you want to pick up a knife.
Its something that takes away your faith,
And makes you feel so unsafe.

I’m not sure how much more i can take,
Before i crumble, and before i break.
I managed to fight it by myself,
With a smile i pretended to be somebody else.
But its at the stage im losing hope,
I’m giving up, i cant seem to cope.

This thing is painfully ruining me,
Controlling my life happily.
Im not living – Im surviving,
And inside im slowly

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7

Suicide Is Selfish

  December 30th, 2009 by Selfish

Why does suicide have to be such a selfish act? Why can’t it just be that a person can kill themselves when they fell they’ve sufficiently fucked up this life enough to no repair and no one has to suffer. But it’s never that easy.

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2

poems and promises

  December 30th, 2009 by Annie

ive written on here once you may rebember me from the post “if you care please read!!”

ive decided on something. ive read through comments and posts and decided on something, if i ended my life, i would end up hurting everyone who has ever cared. about a week ago i made a promise to my self that i wont end my life until i am sure, i will go on with the old plans of my life with a couple of new additions.

first i will find out if the person i love loves me back.

second i will start a few extra curiccular activities to help …

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0

Sad… again

  December 25th, 2009 by nogooddeed

This is my first blog, and as the title says I feel sad. What happens when somebody stops loving you? I mean how can you stop loving someone, and NO I do not mean a boyfriend, I mean a father (I have been wondering about this for 12 years and many attempts to kill myself later have not found the answer). I’m living barely but here and I still don’t know how to handle the situation but got plenty of problems. Back to this one, I have the same DNA as this person, if he needs a organ I’m one of his best shot at …

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3

Magic Pills.

  December 19th, 2009 by Fml

I stopped seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist because I thought I was better. I went cold turkey and suddenly stopped taking 225mg Venlafaxine a day and the 10mg Zyprexa (Anti Depression and Anti Psychotic Medications). It worked. Its been 2 years since taking them, and I think I just realised that nothing has changed. I never got better. Just deluded thoughts kept me going.

If it is any use to anyone – If a doctor trys to give you Zyprexa…. dont take it. do yourself a favour. I hit the point I would take any help I could get. Anti psychotic? Sure, throw me it, it …

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6

She’s looking for a way through the looking

  December 15th, 2009 by Sierra

Don’t people always preach to welcome Death, to embrace it, to not live in fear of it? So why does it seem when someone kills themselves people get so mad? I mean we’re embracing it aren’t we? Maybe in a diluted, dark way but we are. So than why are we so willing to put people to Death? Somebody will miss that person, be hurt, so does that really make us any better than suicide-rs, the people we’re sending off to Death? Your killing them to feel better, we all know it, its for closure. Like suicide. Its not fair putting people off to Death, i …

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5

My Hard Choice…

  December 10th, 2009 by Shelly

I wrote my first blog here earlier last year: A Wasted Life… and hopefully my last is going to be posted sometime next year. This one was quite unplanned and most unexpected but after thinking about it for a little while, I just had to go ahead and write it… okay, so here goes. I live with two people who I greatly care for but one of them’s like seriously terminally ill and he isn’t really capable of taking care of himself anymore, he’s also extremely isolated now since he’s pretty well housebound most of the time. I’ve been living with him for years, trust me …

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9

i hate this world

  December 2nd, 2009 by kbell

oaky…here it is…the unabridged truth…
i hate this world. i hate everything about it. i hate that it hurt me in ways i cannot even begin to describe. i hate that the damage the world’s screwed up people have had on me have left scars that don’t show…they don’t make me look crazy…but i am…those scars make me impossible to live with, and impossible to love. i didn’t cause this…i survived that…yet i bear the damage and it’s impossible to change enough to ever live in a happy life like so many other people do. i want off this planet. …

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