Rants

1

Invisible

  April 22nd, 2010 by searching4life

I wonder if there is any impact of me in this world.

I wonder if anybody cared for me.

I wonder if it would matter to anyone, if I am no longer here in this world.

Everyday, my mother will show how much she disapproves of me. Although I was a first class student.

I don’t understand how to cope with my working life, although it’s been 3 years that I am working. I cannot feel my value.

The only person who seems to show some care is my boyfriend, but I think my negativity is so strong that it burdens him.

And sometimes, listening to his dreams and plans, I …

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27

The romance of it all…

  April 14th, 2010 by z

I am in another sway of emotion these days, seeking the idealization.  There are so many people left behind, the suicide survivors that voice this sadness and displeasure, while never really comprehending our lifetime of sadness and displeasure.  I wasn’t cut-out for all of this.  So when I think of suicide, I tend to not think of the disappointment I will cause the people in my life…I mean, I do, but–lately–there is a bigger chunk of me that idealizes the perfect moment.  That peaceful fade that I have afforded myself–through careful planning–sometime in the near future.  I have my way out, just waiting.  Not and …

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5

I know it’s nothing, but..

  April 7th, 2010 by unsuresoul

I actually am quite unsure about what to do. My life seems so normal on the surface, and I don’t have any mental problems (at least I think so.)

But I lost my dad two years ago, he killed himself with the exhaust fumes of his car, not telling anyone what he was going to do before. All he left was a note saying ‘I’m sorry.’ and his flat keys.
And ever since that, I haven’t been the same. Sure, I guess I can still talk to people normally and am fairly intelligent, but everything inside me just feels so numb. Most of the time I am …

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10

Permission To Commit Suicide

  April 6th, 2010 by z

So I finally move out of a horrible living situation and move into a new apartment and bam! I find a roach in my bathroom, albeit small one, but still, a roach.

Derailed my whole “new reality” I was trying to create. Lame. Deflated.

So a couple of weeks ago I told my mother I had a psychologist put the diagnostic manual to my brain and it turned out I have borderline personality disorder and severe depression. She told me not to take such tests. Good advice. But when I told her I was on anti-depressants at one point–a year prior,

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6

  March 25th, 2010 by magp1001

I’ve watched everything I do fail.  Every attempt I’ve made to make this pointless, bullshit, unfair thing I have called a life liveable has backfired, leaving me in worse shape than I was before I started.

As it currently stands, I freak out 10 times a day, and I spend hours every day lamenting and bemoaning my position.

Blaming me for this is like throwing gas on the house, throwing a match on it, then saying that the house was faulty.

This happens *every* time; not just once or twice, but *every* time.  I’ll admit that I’m less-than-perfect, and I’ve made mistakes, but I can’t, for the life …

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8

#2. Sunday and Monday’s suicide attempts.

  March 24th, 2010 by loopey

Someone please help… I am stuck and in distress and running out of options.  This is me, and I am breaking down. Since I last wrote, I decided to kill myself.

Spent days thinking about it, that it was the right thing to do.  Decided on a method that I could actually realistically do.  There are many places I could jump from, but none were as reliable and surefire as the place I had in mind, because it’s a ridiculously fatal cliff and a place of outstanding beauty.  On the morning of the attempt, I text a friend who I had met in …

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2

I’m Done

  March 19th, 2010 by dasw13

I done with of this.I going to end it all on the Monday we come back from spring break on the 29th….I want some people to feel bad for what they could have done to help.I’m planing on taking about 50 Tylenol pills with some wine……not much like a little less than a cup…..I’ve already taken about 20 Tylneol three different times so who knows how bad my liver is now……I wonder if anyone would even care…
Probably will but I don’t care that much.No would even care after awhile.Let alone even notice I was gone after a few days.Oh well I guess I’m

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7

Desolate, hopeless, desperate. My inevitable suicide.

  March 19th, 2010 by loopey

Hi.  My name is Lucy, I am 20.  I feel much older.  Before dismissing me as an emo teenager, please read a little of this.  I might be 20, but I’ve been through more than most people ever do – both good and bad things.  But it’s the bad things that get to you, wear you down.

I don’t know where to start – it seems like there have been so many starts, so many horrible life events and so much negativity.  I am currently actively suicidal.  The thought of dying will not leave my head – I’m pretty sure by this point that I only …

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2

A Poem About How I Feel And What’s Going On Around Me

  March 10th, 2010 by dasw13

I’m sick of life.
I’m sick of it all.
I’m sick of the lies,bitches,and crappy friends.
I’m sick of hearing rumors becouse someone was bored,
Sick of my mom yelling at me for not doing my chores.
She can’t see let alone feel what I do.
She wouldn’t belivie me or have time to get me help.
I know she busy taking care of me,but
I want her notice,
I want her to see.
Instead of writing off the scars on my arm as being a klutz,
The missing bottle of tyneol as for a ‘headache’,
Or the nearly empty bottle of wine as ‘she drank more than she thought’.
Or my ‘so called friends’.
Can’t keep a secert …

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8

Confused

  March 7th, 2010 by Hopeless92

I don’t know why I have registered on this site. It would seem that even though I have such ‘feelings’ of suicide that I’m nothing comparable to others on this site. But then why have I registered and why do I seek out ways to kill oneself? Constantly everyday I’m plagued with helpless, hopeless, depressive (What do you even define as depressive?) feelings and everyday I find myself tearing up, even at school when I’m in class. I think I’ve been, for the most part, pretty positive in the eyes of many; but on the inside I find myself hurting. Some days I tell myself …

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1

Indifference.

  March 7th, 2010 by Nightmares

Let’s pretend I put something here that caught your interest and made you want to keep reading.

I am average, or below average in my opinion. In my mind I have never done anything worth while, nor do I think I ever will. There is nothing for me to aim for, nothing I am passionate about or wish to learn. To a few people I’ve spoke to about it I say I feel like a ‘non-entity’, I lack my own unique identity. I guess that that’s kind of a stupid way to put it since that is basically being non-existant but I use to think I …

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4

It’s My Time

  March 2nd, 2010 by anthony_l

I am tired of life.

For the past two years I have not been able to keep a job longer than 2 weeks because of my depression.

Life is so hard now. The money is gone. Rent is due, and I don’t have it.

Have to end it soon.

My time is up.

I’m such a fuck up. Had my life on track, had an excellent career, and just walked out…left.

Life in ruins.

Owe thousands upon thousands of dollars in credit card bills, loans, defaulted checking accounts, etc.

Have been trying for the past two months to find work. I wanted to be dedicated now and just try to live.

No one’s hiring. …

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28

No longer.

  February 23rd, 2010 by Lianeh

  So, I currently just turned 17 years old last Saturday (The 13th, bad sign eh?) I’ve always been a fairly short male, which is fine by me, I love being short. I’m underweight at an amazing 93 pounds. When I was too young to remember, my parents got divorced. I had to live with my father. I’ve always been a person to be extremely shy..and I have VERY few interests. My only interests are video games, and very very slightly poker. I spent most of the time playing video games. At about the age of 10 or so, I began to understand the kind of …

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3

In my restless dream…

  February 19th, 2010 by Masquerade

I had a great life until I got raped and sick almost 5 years ago. Since them, I’ve been trying to get my life back.

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3

i was alone

  February 11th, 2010 by Garth

It seems like everyone ive ever been close to or trusted has has betrayed me. My friends, my family, mom ,dad..everyone. I used to think my family was a happy family with nothing to hide, man i was wrong. It turns out just about everything i knew growing up was a lie. The person i believed to be my best friend betrayed me and Lied to me more times than i can count. I used to have love for these people i trusted and was close too. But now im just empty inside.

So after everyone i love or trusted betrayed me i Closed myself in …

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8

The ‘What the hell is wrong with you all’ rant

  February 7th, 2010 by Strange_Kid

Hello all. First of all, don’t start judging me from the title. I’m not some suicide-hater or sth. I accidently stumbled on this site because I too am ‘one of you’ and keep thinking of ending my life.

The reason I am writing now is because after skimming through some of the posts (because I HATE reading), I’ve noticed a few things. The one thing I noticed that disgusted me was this 34-year old man WHO HAS A 3-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER and is planning to die,  make it look like an accident and his family would collect the life inssurance. He ends his post with “We’ll all …

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2

Worthless

  February 7th, 2010 by Xechi

Worthless doesn’t even explain how I’m feeling right now. Actually, worthless doesn’t explain how I’ve been feeling for the past few years. I don’t even know why I joined this site… or anything. How do you even begin?

Hi! I’m suicidal! How was your day?

Yeah, doesn’t sound like a very good idea. I guess, generally, I decided to write this to either gain insight from somebody that isn’t biased by knowing me. Or… I don’t know… figure things out. So, yeah. I’m suicidal. How was your day?

Actually, saying I’m suicidal is very wrong. I can’t kill

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0

Pain of a Child

  February 4th, 2010 by lunasdeathwatch

I’ve lost 3 pounds in the last 2 days. I’m hungry and I can’t breathe. I have no idea why I refuse to eat. Maybe I’m trying to prove something. I just don’t want to live anymore…

I took  break from love for a while, but now I am at the place I was when I was 12 (Yes, to me a year is a lifetime) I don’t want a pathetic little puppy love, meaningless practice relationship. I want the guy I dream about! Why in the hell can’t I have that? Is it really that naive to want the almost perfect guy? I don’t want …

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0

Russian Roulette

  February 3rd, 2010 by lunasdeathwatch

I keep playing Russian Roulette (THE SONG!) over and over again. It provokes my old thought process. I was able to write poetry for the first time in a few weeks. It was pretty intense.

I have to go to martial arts tonight. I like it a lot but I feel stupid since I’m just a beginner, and since I kind of like my instructor and this other guy in my class. But, lucky me… They’re too much older than me. The last guy I dated was 17 and he was flaky as hell! He was so annoying. And he tried to act like he knew …

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0

Trust me, you wouldn’t care…

  February 1st, 2010 by lunasdeathwatch

I try to downplay what I feel. Or I try to make it more than it’s worth. People know me to have so much depth, never giving me a break from their expectations. At least they’re starting to give up on me. I do martial arts, I sing, I dance, I write, I’m always obsessed with something, and I’m always depressed…. But, I never, ever cry.

People used to love saying “Let me pray for you” or “Jesus will help you” I used to hear that shit all the time until I told my teacher to fuck off. It’s actually kind of funny since she’s my …

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