my dad is an alcoholic he’s been sober since before thanksgiving. This Christmas he started drinking. And has been since. I obviously hatE when he’s like that. Like why does he need to be drinking. Why does he need to start drinking. I hate him. He absolutely had an affect on me and made me how I am. I don’t even understAnd why he started drinking in the first place. I don’t remember him drinking when we still lived in lithuania. Its confusing to me. Its one of the reasons I hate being at home. Especially when he’s like that. Well all in all it […]
Rants
Help! I feel trapped in this human body & physical world existence/limitation, is there a way to escape out from it?
I often feel like I can’t relate to this material, physical earthly world anymore, and the majority of people here on this planet earth.
I often feel like there must be something MORE than this limited existence of our human body,
or I’m afraid if it’s all my human’s “creative” wishful-thinking and made-up escapism feeling/story..
does my human brain playing all these tricks on me, or it is really REAL: that there are indeed something much MORE that I can access/connect/tap into?..but I just need to find HOW to do it?..
Tell me please: is there really something MORE that I can do and ‘ascend/transcend’ in […]
Ten minutes ago I finished writing a suicide note. It ended with me telling everyone here that: “…I hope 2012 brings everyone here something that I couldn’t find, a new start, harmony and… the desire to live life.”
These past two years I have literly found peace in the idea of killing myself but it shouldn’t be that way. I don’t want to throw this opportunity away. I don’t want to end my life but I’m just so mad. There are so many people that have laughed at me, teased me, used me, looked past me, thrown me away… I’m so mad at seeing them have such […]
Your family is supposed to protect you and look after you. I wish i had a family like that.
Ever since i was little i was bullied by my brother. And because my eldest brother seen this he would protect me and bully him back.
I understand that this probably wasn’t the best method of trying to stop him but it helped me through alot.
Now my eldest brother has left and has changed. I have no one to look after me so i have started fighting for myself and i will admit it, i am pretty good at it. However now that he knows i’m STILL […]
Hi my name is Aurora and I’m going to turn 19 soon. Since I was a little girl I’ve suffered from depression. I remember my frist suicide attempt was when I was around the age of 7 to 9. I tried to suffocate myself with my blanky by stuffing it down my throat, it didnt work. I continued on with my life miserable, but unaware that these feelings werent normal. My mother and stepfather abused me most of my life both mentally and physically. When I confronted my mom about the way she use to treat me she tells me to get over it or […]
So I forgot to close out this website before letting my mom borrow my computer. I don’t want to talk to her about it. Why? Because there is no communicating with her. I’ve tried before. -chuckles- You know what she said? “If you do it don’t do it here”. Like that is going to make me open up to her. I wont say I HATE my mother, cause I don’t except when I’m mad lol but I do dislike her ALOT. I just don’t understand why people are so blind. I’m not perfect. There I said it. But I am trying to work on myself […]
I cut myself again. I guess I don’t really mind because at least now I can think straight….. It’s been two days since my first attempt….. I honestly didn’t think that i was gonna fail either…. for some reason i know for sure that im going to try again…. Is this insane???
I’m still wrestling with the thought of being remembered as a coward for “choosing the easy way out”……but to be honest that choice i made 2 days ago, to end it all AND go through with it….it was one of the hardest choices ive ever had to make….. anyways I have another question: What […]
I don’t particularly think my story is of any significance, nor do I think anything particularly bad has happened to me, but I shall share my story anyway because of the simple fact that I want to.
I shall begin with the fact that I’ve always hated my father, as far back as I can remember he has always annoyed me, with his selfishness, lack of manners and personal space, I swear, if I even began insulting him, I could never stop. People say I have a really good memory but the truth is, I don’t I can’t exactly remember anything before the age of […]
Sometimes I wish I’d never met you, so instead of being heartbroken every time you turned your back, just to come back like everything’s okay, I wish I’d never had to sit there and listen to you lie. You’re the reason I have no self-respect. I wish you’d abandoned me long ago instead of making me live through hell in your eyes every day. As much as you want me to forget, I never could. You hit him so hard across the face he couldn’t hear for damn near a week! I have scars from when you threw a PLATE at my head! Do you […]
Its unbelievably stupid. If you cut, you’re “emo”. If you like the color black, it makes you “goth” or “emo”. If you happen to be a fan of the Star Wars series, you’re labeled as a “nerd”. You play video games? It makes you a fat person with no life. If you’ve been in a lot of relationships people call you a “slut” or “whore.” And if you’re suicidal, you could be known as crazy or insane or something of the nature.
 I hate everything about labeling. People can’t treat others like they’re human? They have to supply a certain name for them? When somebody labels […]
I have fucked so much shit up. I deserve to die. My parents fight because of me….my dad gave me a black eye today. My mom tried to to stop him from wailing on me…..and it was my fault. Why couldn’t I just shut my damn mouth? Even though i was in the right, why couldn’t i just swallow my pride, shut my damn mouth, and say i was wrong?
I want to cut so bad. I just want to feel something other than this pain inside. This sense of worthlessness, and being completely alone. Here Is my advice to you ( I don’t even know […]
Maybe just for today.. Maybe it’s all a dream. Who knows? Maybe I’m just finally coming off all of those shit drugs that I want so much..
Today at work I just kept teasing my manager. It’s all I ever really do with that manager lol. He’s only like 23, and last year on Canada Day we all had to work and went out drinking after. I just kept laughing. Haha. He always just takes all the teasing. Doesn’t really do much. Always looks so miserable.  Still, I can’t remember laughing that much in a long time.
But yeah, just thought I’d check in. Peace out? lol
I think people often only look at the ‘good’ sides of the money system, but overlooking (or even neglecting) many ‘bad’ sides, in fact perhaps much more than the ‘good/positive’ of the money system! that is IMHO where lies the main problem of all the constant debates & misunderstandings.
The fall of U.S & Europe financial crisis (and soon perhaps the world’s economic collapse, in 2012) have somewhat really proved about this.
People need to seriously look at the Bigger Picture of things, to be very objective, of what Money (system) also caused to humanity.
Out of curiosity, have any of you here ever heard of: […]
I want to kill myself so badly I’ve tried before but my dad stopped me I wish he hadn’t. It would be so easy to do it the second time around, just slit my wrist right down the middle and bleed out completely numb and finally at peace. But I feel like, with my luck, as soon as I kill myself I’ll get accepted into the school I want James will finally fall in love with me but it will be too late because I’m dead and I’ll get called in for a interview for this job I want. But if I […]
I feel like everything is my fault. My ex cheated on me, and i felt like it was my fault, i told her that and she agreed it was my fault. Even things that have absolutely nothing to do with me, i blame myself. I hate it, and there is nothing i can do to make myself not think that. I hate hurting people, i hurt so many people all the time. I love helping people, and i feel like im someone people can go to to talk about things with, and id always be there for people. but i feel like i hurt more […]
I WILL LIVE THROUGH THIS? i want only honest people to answer. How do you live through everyday pains. Good advise please..
That’s how i feel 99 percent of the time. I feel so alone. I hate bein alone. I hate it because I can think. And its bad when I think. Nothing good ever comes out of that, only scars and tears and bad thoughts. I feel like everyone is forgetting me. Why can’t I be normal and loved? Why did God have to put me in this place? I hate living and I wish I was dead. Nothing good ever happens so there is no point to it then. Why hurt when freedom is just on the other side? It doesn’t cost to die. And […]
Hello, my name is Jessica. I’m going to tell my story like how someone writes a book, I am used to it that way.
I was born with Development Delay. From that point on, it would be guaranteed that I would be nothing but a freak, different from everyone else. I am an older girl in a younger girl’s body. Things were looking okay, besides for the fact I went to a “special” preschool. I was guaranteed I wasn’t affected mentally. Things struck me like a brick when I received my first bully, my Kindergarten teacher. Even for a development delay child, I seemed to react […]
So many people posting their story.. Thought I’d post mine.
I guess all the ‘bad stuff’ really started when I was 11. Sure my dad abused us before then, but only as a dicaplin. Pulling the hair.. Slapping the face.. Kicking your ass all the way up the stairs to your room..
When I was 11, I was molested. May 6th, 2005. About 4am from my guess. It was at my best friend’s birthday party. Her dad. Needless to say I don’t really talk to her anymore. She got too messed up for obvious reasons.
It wasn’t too bad really. I just woke up with his hand on […]
“.. I ain’t with you.”
I won’t ever be okay, will I? I can’t ever go back. Can I? No.
It’s been so, so long. I will never get better, I will never stop loathing my very existence. I will never stop puking. I will never stop feeling permanently hunched over. I will never stop cutting. I will never stop drinking every day. I will never be fucking human.
It’s not pain, this thing inside me. It’s evil. I am pure evil. I’m not necessarily a bad person, I’m too worthless to have that sort of impact on the world. To me, that is evil. Being in this […]