I am only 13 years old. I have suicidal thoughts regularly. I am going to see a doctor soon about it. I just want to die though. Nothing is leading me to kill myself. It is the nothing that is. I just keep thinking, there is really no point for me to be alive tomorrow. It isn’t like my presence will be the biggest deal to the world. I think if I wasn’t afraid to kill myself I would be long gone by now. The thing that bugs me the most is how my parents have reacted to this, they started treating me differently. I […]
Rants
I have no one. Honestly, I have not one person to talk to about my personal life. I’m hated by almost everyone because I’m different and because I’m not perfect enough. Lately I’ve been thinking about over-dosing, and its not like anyone would be here to stop me. I can’t feel anymore, I’m never truly happy but never truly depressed, I’m numb and I hate it. I don’t wanna be like this, I wanna be loved by atleast one person but it seems its only me that never gets anything. I guess some of you will understand what I’m trying to say, and I just […]
Enough!
I really don’t know how else to say this, but enough, please!
All that I’ve ever wanted in return was respect. I care for a lot of people, my mom, grandmother, my two little brothers and little sister, two of my best friends. I’d do anything for them, and have. However, when it comes to me, it seems like I’m the one who is least acknowledged. Now that I am thinking about it…I probably felt this way my whole life. I am 24 right now and ever since being a kid, I always believed in being a good person and appreciating everything I got.
I treat people […]
One word.
Obssessed.
With love.
Being loved.
Being cared about.
Being important.
Being noticed.
Prove I’m worthy.
Given a chance.
That’s all I want.
Why am I so different??
I want to be
A diamond in someones eyes.
Beautiful.
Loved.
Cared.
But it’s not gonna
Happen to me.
I’m not beautiful.
I’m not loved.
I’m not cared for.
I’m just someone
In the background.
Unimportant.
Unnoticed.
I am lost
In the sea of emotions.
Swimming isn’t my strenght.
“What if I drown?”
I think to myself.
The deeper I go
The darker it gets.
I want to be above the water.
So I won’t have to feel anything.
So i’m not sure how to react to the unfairness brought about by double standards, gender inequalities and plain bias in my household.
This may seem trivial but i need to have a bit of a rant!
BACKGROUND: I have two brothers, 30 and 20. My eldest has a wife and recently a child too. My brother had a long term relationship with a girl for about 2 years when we were younger and my whole family liked her since she was my best friend and they all knew her. I now have a boyfriend, we’ve been together for 3 years.
My mother is obviously bias and […]
Hi everyone, this is my first post.
I am 24, female, in Indiana, USA, have been off-and-on suicidal for several years–romantically as a teen, and legitimately toward the end of college and after.
To be really honest–I don’t understand how suicide is not more common. I wonder if there’s some big cover-up.
In the past, I have held out for that next big life step–college, or starting my career–but I have started the “career,” and I have realized that apparently life is getting up every day and going to work, maybe until you die, maybe until you retire and then run out of money and die. Â Especially in […]
I took a whole bunch of pills, just enough to make me happy. And I was REALLY happy. I felt good.  My best friend told me not to do it any more, so I told him I wont. But I’m not so sure I can keep tat promise. I haven’t felt that good in so long.
As the titles says, what’s stopping you from slotting yourself?
I myself am waiting for christmas to come and go, just so I don’t ruin it for my family. I have everything I need for a dignified, peaceful and quick exit (I’m planning to OD on 15 grams ******** along with a anti-emetic regimen) .
I’ll probably end my pathetic life around January/Febuary.
Hello. Thanks for stopping by.
I am perhaps crazy, since I have a good life and all. To explain the good life, I shall provide some background information. My parents are divorced, and I have three siblings. I believe that we siblings are spoiled. We do have food at night, which shows we’re fortunate. Screw the good life for now, at least for this lengthy out-of-order post.Â
It all began early when I was 6 or 7. I never understood the reason to live. I begged God to kill me. Then in other memories I remember wishing for my parents to come back alive and […]
If anyone saw me or knew about my life they’d think how lucky I am. I’m in a steady relationship and have a roof over my head with loving family. Â I do have friends at school, and a lot of people tell me I’m pretty.
BUT;
That’s from the outside. No one knows anything about me from the inside. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t talk to my christian family because they’ll just laugh it off as a joke. my boyfriend does understand me but he can’t do anything to help me. i can’t talk to anyone else because i’m afraid of what they’ll say […]
so something weird happened to me the other day. i was standing in my friends bathroom and i hit my back against the wall and slid down because i fainted. i’ve only fainted one other time in my life, but i dont really remember. my friend also saw me do that. so me and her decided to look up people fainting on youtube. and what we found was the fainting game. and what you do it pretty much make yourself faint by taking away oxygen from your brain by blowing on your thumb. and so i decided to try it. and well, it was interesting. […]
i always feel so used. No one accepts me for me. i’m assaulted everyday by both dudes and chicks grabbing my tits, it makes me sick! you’re supposed to be my friend. the one who doesn’t care about the size of my chest or my ass. I’m supposed to feel safe around you. i hate my body. if i could, i would get these DDD’s chopped off my chest. if i was ballsy enough, i would do it my self.
i spent the night with you as a friend, but left, feeling like a piece of meat. you touched me, in a way friends weren’t meant to. you […]
I often wish I would get a life threatening illness and just wouldn’t wake up. I even took up smoking just to increase my chances of lung cancer. Failing that I hope to get into a huge accident, or a situation I wont come out of alive. I am too scared to do anything to myself, I think of all the people I would hurt on my way out of this hell hole and I can’t do it. If there was a medical or accidental reason for death I could be out of here and not bring shame on the family or my friends. They […]
So this is my first ever post on this site.
I used to self harm alot, i have scars all over my legs and arms. I love the feeling and every day of my life i think about it. Although, i stopped about a year ago for my mum. I cut a really deep wound and it wasn’t healing, it was infected and i was worried, so i had to tell her. The way she reacted was a surprise to me. Silence.
She was very shocked and just said very little. Even today she can’t bring herself to say that it happened and prefers to pretend […]
I’ve never liked needles. I’ve never liked knives. Despite my tattoos, I’ve never been a ‘pierce the flesh’ kind of person. Blood makes me squirm. I’ve always wanted to go peacefully, with dignity, not writhing around in pain during an exit or leaving a mess for someone to clean up.
So I guess after the first failed attempt when I was 15 years old chugging down pills, I realised that just popping pills isn’t exactly a peaceful death. The stomach cramps are the worst. But it seemed like the easiest, least messy, readily available way to go at the time.
There have been a few semi-attempts since then, […]
Pain –
Scary
Unwanted
unavoidable
When you sit around trying your hardest to feel the same happiness you felt not so long ago.
then you realize that when you only feel pain , happiness is numb. Happiness leaves within seconds.
When you are lonely,  you want to leave you room, and when you do go out, You just want to go back home . But you hate your home. Your not happy at home or when your not at home. Being with friends is good and all, but you find your self wanting to go home, or finding excuses to leave. You cry when you get home, you cry if you don’t get invited to parties […]
Why do you turn good, innocent things into wrong, into sin? Â Why do you have to fuck with my mind to the point that even happiness causes me to want to pull the trigger? Â I should not have to deal with this. Â You tell me you treat me like an adult, but I have to wait until you’re long asleep to do what I want, without you looking over my shoulder. Â And as a parent you are supposed to help me through life, be there for me when no one else is, give me advice. Â But no you slap this nonsense religion in my face […]
so much has been happening to me. its like a roller coaster ride. but more dangerous. i keep crying and i cant stop. even if i want to. the tears just keep spilling. life is so unfair. why do we have to live by the rules? and not just how we’d like to? our government is corrupt. going to a dr visit cost hundreds of dollars while nothing is done. school cant teach anymore. not enough funding. people lying, stealing, cheating. when did it become like this?? or has it always been this way? maybe it has. and people are either opening their eyes now […]