Rants

1

Confusion

February 14th, 2018by Blackbear

So idk this always happens to me where I just hate how I’m acting, portraying myself to others. I’m always thinking about well I’ve gotta do this so they don’t think I’m not paying attention to them, I’ve always gotta smile so I seem polite. I just want a break though. I don’t wanna fucking talk to anyone, I don’t wanna have to change how I am because I don’t wanna upset others around me. But I hate doing it and it bothers me so much because if i were to stop being “fake” I guess that means I’ll make the “friends” upset but I …

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3

Fire.

February 12th, 2018by AlwaysSoTired123

Have you just wanted to grab all of your belongings. Everything that makes you, “you” and just pile it all up. Clothes, jewelry, bills, credit cards, medication….

Just a few ounces of lighter fluid and a match…it all just go away and leave nothing, but ash and smoke.

Watching it all burn down, all the materialistic shit that you have accumulated in all these long years….wishing that you could go into the fire and be burned away.

I don’t want to live anymore.

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0

My Job doesn’t fit me..

February 12th, 2018by nonexistingsoul

I think being an illustrator is not good for me. Well, it’s like I’m not good for an illustrator. This mental issues of mine affects my job. Right now, I can’t seem to draw. I can’t push myself. Not because I feel lazy but because I feel so satisfied with my work but my team, well some of the team, suggest something that DOESN’T really fit in what I’m drawing. I was so satisfied with what I did and already checked if this is okay, if this good and i already finished it maybe 2 weeks ago and it should be submitted 2 WEEKS AGO, …

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12

Another day has passed…

February 10th, 2018by Taf Taf

I woke up this morning,went to the kitchen and made a coffee.I sat in front of my pc and I started watching videos on youtube,smoking and trying to kill time.Most of the time I wasn’t paying any attention to these videos.I was thinking.Thinking about my life and the world.

I spent most of my life in this empty house (I’ve been living here since I left my parents’ house when I was 20 years old).Alone.I haven’t got any purpose or any goals to reach.I’ve saved some money,so I don’t have to work for now.But I know that I’ll have to find a job.Working is a nightmare.I …

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1

My Path… Your Path… My Dream… Your Dream… ?

February 10th, 2018by Itscolourlife

Hello Im back again !
So.. this is what I feel right now..
I want to be loved by my parents.. I want them to hear my stories.. chatting and laughing with me..
Im stuck here..
The doctor said that I suffered from depresssion and stress right now..
I thought that they will understand and love me after what they heard..
But its still the same..
What makes me sad is..
I try to live like what my parents want since a kid..
I will try to live up to their expectation..
I even stop pursuing my hobby as what my parents told me.. Actually its really hard for me to let this …

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12

Febuary 4th, 2018 wasnt my last day on earth after all.

February 6th, 2018by Elysianvinyl

two days ago, i attemped to take my life. If you remember, i made a post on it a few hours prior. so, heres how that day went and where i am now.

That day i had waken up around 9pm. By 10 i had my mind made up. I ate breakfast, watched TV for a little while. After a couple hours, i began to secure the rope (i had previously bought it) to my ceiling fan, then i tied a hangmans knot that would so just fine.

I chose a chair and placed it underneath, standing on it with the rope around my neck. My adrenaline …

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5

am i selfish?

February 6th, 2018by nobodycares

am i selfish? if im selfish why should i care for their feeling? why should i hide all my pain inside? why should i smile for them? and why i cant say no to them? tell me!! am i selfish if just for today i want to be free..

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2

I’m Crazy, I Should Kill Myself

February 5th, 2018by Bettyblossom

Maybe I’m a psychopath. Maybe I truly am mentally disconnected from reality. Lacking empathy. But I want attention. After I tried to kill myself I just wanted to shout it to the world. Why did I want to do that? Why do I want to do anything? I’m useless. Oof, this is a hard one to swallow.

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1

I’m told to talk to people, but what if people won’t listen

February 5th, 2018by Iucy

People always tell me to talk to people about my problems. Almost every person I know will at some point say “Hey if you ever need someone to talk to you can just talk to me.” They tell me to talk, then when I do they don’t listen. I’ll have moments in my life when I feel like my head will explode and so I’ll sometimes unload everything I’m thinking to someone. Some will be very worried and concerned… for at most a few days. Then they assume that I was just having a bad day that day and assume that everything I said that …

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6

I want to live, there for I write to you

February 3rd, 2018by Urm8451n

I want to live.

The reason for it is simple – I think I can make it.
I know many who look for logical explanation and balance of good and bad. I know people who put their faith in religion only to move on and wake up each day.

I cope with my burden by writing to you guys every evening and night. Sometimes I even stay awake until every one is asleep so I could write to you.
I don’t talk to my friends, or college friends, or roommates, about how and what I feel.
I don’t think they need to know. My life experience is fucked …

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1

;

February 1st, 2018by Shu

I was here about 4 years ago, similarly depressed, similarly hopeless. I want to die back then because of my family problems and because of my study. All the pressure to do well just so I could continue with my education because otherwise I couldn’t afford to pay for it.

And after 2 years I thought I did better. Life was getting any easier but at least I was numb. So it’s not like I could even feel anything. I did break down though. I withdrew completely about half a year before my big exam. And that was kind of when things really got to me. …

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10

I was raped…

February 1st, 2018by AJ

On the 29th of December.
I lost my virginity.
To my now ex boyfriend.
I didn’t say no.
But I most definitely didn’t say yes.
I was too scared.
He was emotionally manipulative and I knew that “no” wasn’t an answer to him.
So I kept my mouth shut.
I lay there.
And took it.
It only occurred to me today that it was wrong.
I’m a fucking idiot.
But now I can’t breath.
I want to rip my skin off.
Every part he touched now burns with repulsion and I can’t take it.
Fuck

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1

im feeling weak again.

February 1st, 2018by Elysianvinyl

I went back to school and work today, after nearly a week of staying in bed. Ive been eating less than 400 calories a day, but at this point i don’t even feel hungery.

Things have been looking better for me, but i feel so selfish for not being happy. I feel numb and sluggish, and i am anxiety stricken every moment of the day.

My mother hasnt been home much, so i dont have to deal with her as much as i usually do. Ive had a break from the screaming.

although my mother is screaming at me, my brain is hollering at the top of its …

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1

Feeling awful

February 1st, 2018by xwxixx

I’m fairly new here but I just needed somewhere to rant. I’ve been depressed for a long, long time – over half my life – and I’ve thought about Suicide a few different times. But lately is the most suicidal I’ve ever felt.

I don’t have any close friends, anyone who really cares about me. I’m really unhappy with my appearance and my weight. And my family treat me like everything is always my fault, like my sister can do absolutely no wrong, while I work hard and get nothing.

It feels like every time I talk, nobody cares or is listening. And it feels …

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1

those shitty walk cycles in late 90’s 3D animation

January 31st, 2018by thetrashmen

I’m doing a wonderful job of getting progressively worse

My mother is considering quitting her job because

I’m kinda shutting down.

 

She told me her day has been okay

but I’m told she nearly crashed this morning

because my bullshit made her break down mentally.

 

I saw this kid walking to school near me yesterday.

I don’t see that too often because most people around here seem to get rides.

I believe he’s a junior.

He seemed mature

in that traditional sense

like adults could take him seriously

but I noticed the entire walk

that his actions

seemed to be completely independent of his surroundings.

It reminded me of low budget graphics

and how, in truly terrible films, the characters have …

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3

Hollowed out

January 31st, 2018by xoamaro_

I ate so little people started telling me they thought I had an eating disorder. Now, I overeat. I eat and eat until it feels like I’m actually going to explode. My body hurts even more now after eating, then when I didn’t and had those extremely painful hunger pangs.

I don’t eat because I like food or anything. Not even because I’m hungry, I’m not hungry very often. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate food. But it tastes mostly the same for me. I still have my preferences in like big differences I guess, but not really. See, it’s not about the taste, that’s just …

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4

she got everything i wished to have

January 31st, 2018by evelina

my sixteen year old (we’re the same age btw) sister ran away from home in the summer and stayed at her friend’s house. later, when a teacher found out about this, they sent a children’s ombudsman to figure what happened and then suggested for the friend’s parents to take guardianship of my sister.

our parents gave concent, but are super mad and tryna turn me against her. we keep in touch tho. so now i know that she lives with some rich people that think of her as their own daughter. they got her psychological treatment, hire tutors (she lags behind at school), go abroad together …

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8

How do you people deal with this?

January 30th, 2018by Black Holez

I’ve literally had everything taken away from me. I’ve had my dignity taken, my job, my life and my friends. I’ve been the target of the most vicious slanders and attacks and I can’t fight back through all this. What’s worse is that my parents don’t give a damn and even give out excuses that it’s my fault when they’ve also contributed to my present state with their lifelong years of abuse and psychological torment living among them.

I was called names, nothing I did was good, I was never good enough, turned things around to protect their ego and pride, twist things around when …

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2

Slowly breaking away…

January 29th, 2018by Urm8451n

I have deleted my ex friend [she was a female] from my contacts. We used to have a lot of midnight talks. She was my distraction from everything. The credit is not for her being anything special, but it is for her being a tool of distraction.

Now that she is gone/ or “it”, I’m hollowed again.
I used to have lots of sports but this month I have finals, so I have to study 24/7. With the sports gone, I’m just going straight forward deeper into the rabbit’s hole.

I wish I had a “friend” to talk to, but in the same time I know I …

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1

No Future, No Hope

January 28th, 2018by TheRoadSoFar

I still can remember back when I was like 6 or 7, I loved to go to school. Those where simpler times, where getting good grades was your only real worry or responsibility. But as children grow up, they start becoming more responsible, they have other interests, other hobbies. Not me. School was my only priority. And I was the best at it. No one was smarter than me (smarter as in how society and educational institutions define you: the one with the best grades, etc).
When I finished junior high school 4 years ago (I was 15 at the time), school was still my priority, …

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