For those who have survived suicide.
Suicidal Survivors
I used to think that I should just give up and quit. To be honest, that was all of five minutes ago. I was ready to break down and die, leaving everything and everyone I tried to support alone. I mean, I was supporting my family, my boyfriend, myself, just a lot of people. I felt like the only person who even bothered to support me was God. I was ready to give up everything I had worked for and just lay down and die. Instead, I mustered up my courage and called a crisis hotline. I didn’t want them to call an ambulance (I […]
With every step that I take
I rattle those
fiery bars.
Burning through the air,
slices down my heart!
Looking deep inside
I see you there
in my arms!
Oh, what a joyous feeling I get,
but its buried alive!
I’ll never see your face
and never brush your arm
never get those kisses
that I
so adored!
Oh, what is this hurt
thats burning me inside
escapes through my throat
hoping that I die!
All i wished:
to hear your voice,
to touch those lips
sweet and moist.
All i wished:
to say your name,
inhale your scent,
ignite this flame.
All i wish:
to pop these pills,
to say goodnight,
for a final thrill.
All i wish:
to have you say
loves not gone,
you feel the same.
the thoughts never subside, and he still haunts me.
To all of you who have experienced heart ache, disappointment, abuse in multiple forms, and raised in drug centered families. I know you. Not personally, but emotionally. I was suicidal since I was  a toddler, but at that point my actions weren’t consider to be that of a depressed child. Doctors said I was just a frustrated child with pent up energy because i wanted to hurt everyone, including myself. I was too young to realize what it is i felt and why.
Growing up my dad wasn’t there, mom said he was a work-aholic, while he says she was a drug addict. Both were true. […]
They never knew
and never saw
the endless fear
engulfing us all.
A fear that stuck
and stained like ink,
rich with worry,
lies and deceit.
She lied to me
and also to you,
knowing we were all
just empty fools.
Willing to ignore,
forget, and abuse
that happiness she once knew.
She gave and gave,
while i just took.
A little fool
who was easily shook.
She finally gave
one last time,
but instead gave herself
that bloody line.
Across the throat
and down her wrists
my mother left
without a kiss.
The days blur,
blessed with dreams,
dreams of you
with dreams of me.
Those dreams aren’t real.
Those dreams are false.
They always come
but at what cost?
The cost of blood,
the cost of pain.
The haze is fading,
and so i pay.
I paid the cost
and now I’m lost.
Forever wandering,
forever washed
ashore that empty
lonesome beach,
that some may call
eternal sleep.
I had an exit bag, but I didn’t have the helium so I just tried to slowly suffocate myself. I kept trying to focus and stick with it but I guess the panic got to me in the end, I don’t really remember. I could barely get up afterwards with a huge headache and a lot of dizziness and I threw up. I guess I’ll have to try harder next time or something else. I’m tired of the pain and I just want to die. I can’t even do that properly it seems.
Hey, I feel bad about posting on here, mostly because im not a druggy or have a particularly bad life. Im a 19 year old college student with a loving family. That being said i do hate myself and have tried to kill myself numerous times. I cut myself every other week or so, always in hidden areas like shoulders or thighs and always disinfected with rubbing alcohol at least 2 times a  day until they heal over. Ive taken every type of anti depressant possible, seen over 20 psychiatrists/councilors and I never seem to feel better. It feels like ive been given so much, but i can do […]
Hey Guys..
It’s me again. I forgot to tell you my name last night. It’s Ashlie. I’m from California. And right now I really need some help. My mother and I got in a huge fight today at dinner, because I’ve been being harassed at school. Some kid threw a syringe at me in 1st period and told me that I was nothing better than a junkie. And over the past two weeks, the same kid and many more of his friends have been touching me and just being complete ass holes. I guess I’m writing to anyone who’s willing to listen because I’m really feeling like […]
I’ve been through it all. I’m not kidding. Sit down and read this. I’m not a fake. I’m 15 years old and surprised as hell that I made it past 13. Since I was 12, I’ve been through rapes, murders, suicides, jails, hospitals, addictions, heartbreak,prostitution, eating disorders, honestly, everything. (If I left something out that you’re struggling with, let me know.) I’m currently still cutting. And I just got out of Juvenile Hall about 3 weeks ago, for the fifth time. The last time I cut was yesterday. I’ve thought about suicide everyday for the last 4 years. I wake up and think of ways to die. I […]
When I was around 6 years old I was molested for about 3 years by my neighbour. Both my parents would be at work so I’d have to spend hours at their place. She’d tie me down onto a bed or a chair or pin me to the floor and brutilise me with household objects and afterwards would always threaten that if I told anyone she’d hurt me a lot more and no one could stop her. Being so young and stupid, I was scared to tell anyone, afraid that she’d keep her promise
My parents were completly ignorant to this, probably that my dad wouldn’t […]
I was sexually abused at a young age for a period of time. I’m now 18 years old and through out my childhood/teenage years I found it hard to trust people, I am also depressed for as long as I can remember. I met my boyfriend at the age of about 12 and after 3 years I trusted him enough to start a relationship. This relationship last 2 years, I was in some parts of my life content because of my relationship. In August 2009 I found out my boyfriend had been sleeping  with another girl for 2-3 months starting in April. I was devasted. I forgave him. […]
the poison of blood
oh my wonderful drug
of poisonous blood
of pain
as i take the knife
all my tools are here
digging in deeper
clawing at the skin
i take a shaking hand
scarred , bruised and dripping crimson
i smile weakly at the long,sharp,claws
and dip them into my throat
as i try to rip out my life
any decency i once had…
shattered,faded,destroyed
its the poison of blood..
as it drips down my neck
i swirl my fingers around, dyeing them in scarlet
i lick the blood and tears
i want more
i want more…
i want it to be over
and too be never ending pools of poison
as i grab the […]
I look at my gun and I am so tired, Im 22…been feeling this way for so long, Ive tried everything and it does nothing..I really have no idea why I even registered, will someone care? Why should they? Will it mean something when they desert me like everyone has every done. I dont fear death…hence it adds to my confusion why I am here, if not fear it then why go? I have nothing to live for..just more blood and more pain.
Im tired of getting my ass kicked because I am gay.
Im tired of having no friend or friends to merely use me.
Im tired […]
Hello, My name is Michael Meece and this is my story.
Over the past 15 years, I have tried to end my endless suffering and has failed. I believe there is a true reason for that. But I am not sure what it is, yet.
The first time I tried was when I was probably in the 7th grade. I took alot of tylenol and hoped to die. All I did was permanently screw up my liver. I was committed for 3 months in a hospital psychiatric facility for minors.
In 2006, My future fiance broke up with me. I was trully and painfully heartbroken. I […]
i dont need this website anymore. my mom and i are fine. i have a new boyfriend and my friends are taking me to icon for the anime fest. my mom n i are moving away so no one will piss us off. i might get a new dad. i got a new car. ive been excepted to 4 major art school. and i got a new puppy. hehe life has turned around for me. im happy now. and no longe worry abut suicide. =)
im free… finally free of the darkness. hehe i still miss my daddy but hes with me. hehe i can feel […]
I was planning to commit suicide for quite some time. And on the 17th of February 2011 I decided that it was time. I arrived at college at about 13:00, just before my class started and told my friend I was going to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and took a handful of my anti depressants with some alcohol.
When I noticed it wasn’t acting quickly enough, I decided to cut my jugular with the blade of an NT cutter. All this time my friend got pretty worried about why I was taking so long, so he asked the receptionist, who was sitting […]
So lately my life has been nothing but a drag. I have clinical depression bi-polar disorder aniexty issues and panic disorder. Everything will go great for me for a couple months and then shut the next day. I’m starting to feel like friends family and my boyfriend aren’t enough. I need help. I’ve been cutting since the 7th grade and have attempted a few times.