Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

4

the begining

January 31st, 2009by quietlyobjectified

the first time i tried to kill myself i was 6. it was right after i’d told my dad that a family friend was molesting me. he beat the crap out of me and told me it was my fault, that i asked for it. i tried to strangle myself by tying a shoelace around my throat so tight that i couldn’t breathe. i fainted and the cord snapped.

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2

Love him more than life itself.

January 29th, 2009by Mish

Hi all
I’m a 31 year old mother of 1 son whom has type 1 diabetes. My life is hard as it is with his illness. Constant appointments constant injections. Since he was 3 years old. I was in therapy for a long time I thought I was ok and discontinued for 3 years. I had a boyfriend at the time of my sons diagnoses but then he left me in 2004 left me with no explanation left the keys under the door with no goodbye. I was devastated. I didn’t understand why he had done this to me. I loved him with all I …

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1

This is my first and last story here-

January 19th, 2009by socio-slumber

It all started- at least I can remember it starting- back when I was in seventh grade. I say that, mainly because that was when anxiety was my main issue. I was that kid who was afraid of everything that came against rules. Panic attacks were the worst of it- for the most part. I would start hyperventilating if I was running late for anything. To this day I still freak out when it comes to being tardy for things. But that isn’t what we’ve come to write about is it? My ability to stay on time? Nope… …

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5

I so needed to write this

January 18th, 2009by Scylla

I think I have been suicidal since…well, my entire life. I’m only 26 but that thought has been with me for as long as I can remember. In my childhood/teens, I didn’t articulate it as ” i want to die”, rather, I daydreamed about dying, being kidnapped by aliens–I just wanted to be gone, forever. When people would ask me “what do you want to do when you’re old?” I had nothing to answer-not because I lacked ambition or imagination, rather, it was because I never believed I would get old. I didn’t think I would actually live.

Then, one day, it came to me as …

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0

My Hamster Wheel

January 17th, 2009by btru2utoo

Family – Grad School – Career – Children – Friends – Volunteering – Pets – Chores – Homework

It is like being in a hamster wheel – exhausting – constant – never ending

But, I am all smiles, say the right things, act the right way, look the right way – 4.0 , suck up at work, good to my one living parent, devoted wife, adoring mommy…

Everyone always wants another piece of me. How much can I give? During these times, I turn off my switch. I am in my twenties now and I have learned how to go numb.

Some thoughts you cannot …

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5

hope

January 4th, 2009by melzoom

To the Person Considering Suicide:
I can’t say I know exactly how you feel. But I’ve been there, at that place. 3 am in a quiet house. A sunny afternoon in a parking lot. A cloudy morning, sitting on the cold tile of a bathroom floor. The break lounge at work. The thought of escape, of leaving it behind seems like a viable and welcome choice.
When I am at that place where nothing seems to work and the only thing I want to do is give all the pain and hurt to someone else, I see no way …

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0

I am so TIRED of FM, I want my life back

January 3rd, 2009by maderd

Hi There, first time here.

When I was roaming this site I saw the suicide tab, and went to it. ‘Cause that is how I feel.

I am tired of this PAIN.

My ears – has a fax machine inside, God that noise, argh.

I feel useless, for my kids, my financials will not get better, no bonuses, no annual increase, no over time pay, etc.

I have to now sell my house for two reasons:
1) My parents have been subsiding the finances, but a lot more since I have been off work, (Dec 06) and they do not believe what is going on with me, …

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0

hopeless

December 8th, 2008by givhana

i am feeling like everything that i do is wrong and my parents are having marrige problems and i watched my momdye and i am still in love with my x girlfriend ai dated for 4 years and my dad and mom think that i can just stop feeling deppressed and my girl now is some help in dealing with my thoughts and i feel like it is my fault that my mom died when i was 16 and then my aunt terri died and my grandparents on both sides of my family died and then my unborn child and one of my x s …

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0

please

December 5th, 2008by ------

people love you
people care about you
people dont want to see you hurting

my dad didnt know that …he was ill, clinically depressed, i couldnt save him

i was only 10 but i feel the hurt every single day and im now 17
i have depression myself …but i refuse to let it beat me …i will not hurt people the way he hurt me … even though i love him i still hate him for what he did ..
i must sound like such a horrible person but i do hate him ='[[ it hurts me so much but i do …i cant help it …

i have an amzing …

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0

The Unforgiven Father

December 5th, 2008by stephanie

Hi my name is Stephanie. My father is someone you cant forgive right away. He’s always on my back, “Stephanie do this, Stephanie dont do that, Stephanie your stupid, Stephanie your an idiot, Stephanie jus go in a corner an die.” he never say;s anymore, “Good job Stephanie, I love you, your gorgeous, or Stephanie your a great sister.” Now it’s, “what’s wrong with you?, why are you so damn dumb?, why cant you jus be yourself anymore?” All I can think about is what is life like on the other side? I’ve tried many times to commit suicide. I havent actually followed threw with …

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0

Helpless

November 21st, 2008by cassie

Helpless was the only word that could truly describe how I felt.
My family never sees the good in me. All we ever do is criticize each other, and trust me- it gets old real fast. no one beats anyone on our family, but sometimes i think it would make things better. the verbal abuse is just… brutal. unbearable even. i often find myself tuning out their voices. telling myself “Its okay, Cassie, soon you’ll be gone. soon you wont have to hear this. soon you’ll be alone.” And i feel like, if they did hit me, i wouldn’t feel like i need to hurt …

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0

Will it ever end?

November 17th, 2008by Broken_wings

At 17, most people still view you as a child. At 17, I am still viewed as a child, even though i’ve seen more than any of my friends, even though i’ve wanted to die longer than anyone i know.

It started at a really young age i guess, i was about 7 when i first tried to hurt myself, my mum had this boyfriend and he seemed to enjoy beating her up in front of me and my brother. he scared me so much. i would cry myself to sleep most nights, rocking backwards and fowards to my mums sobs. One night, i sat …

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0

Reaccurance

November 16th, 2008by morgauna

I’m 40 now. My life hasn’t been an easy one. I first tried to commit suicide when I was 12, for what ever reason I did not succeed. However, from that point until I hit 30, I thought about it alot, I even made several more attempts, coming very close twice. I never sought help back then, I didn’t have insurance or enough money for help. I used self mutilation and marijuana as a means not to feel emotions. In my 30’s I seemed to have snapped out of it. I was so busy, I took on raising …

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0

I AM DEPRESSED

November 4th, 2008by iamhere

Thanks for the project and http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/, which lead me here as a torch bearer in my dark times. I was desperately searching for some help to keep me alive, then came the greatest advise for suicidal people on net.

I am depressed as the things are not at all going in my way. I do not know why it is happening, despite my several trials in different ways i am not able to find joy, though I have great dreams of living my life and helping my kids and wife, realising their dreams. I have lot of compassion for the people in …

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0

Suicide Prevention Day

October 21st, 2008by ChrisIris

Today is a day to talk about something people don’t talk about often enough.

When I attempted suicide I was staying in my mom’s basement, temporarily, and I decided it was the final move. I was very depressed, and I didn’t talk about it at all (except to thousands of anonymous faces on the Internet). She didn’t want to read about my disorder, and neither did my stepfather. There was a language barrier. And a willingness – they had their own idea of what bipolar was and didn’t want that challenged.

I had been depressed a long time and part of it was chronic, intrusive …

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3

i almost killed myself today.

October 2nd, 2008by nemo

i almost killed myself today. i was standing on the train platform, empty and so sad i just felt numb. the train appeared quickly and as it came nearer i started to think whether it was going fast enough to kill me and once i decided it was i had this really strange urge to just jump in front of it and end my life. the other people at the track faded out and all i could see was the subway lights and this massive blur coming towards me. suddenly i was calm and accutely aware that i was just a couple steps …

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0

Prepare for the Dark Side

September 28th, 2008by Christa

The majority of my life was spent in and out of a state of depression (I had my own zip code) and often, I was quite manic. I regularly experienced suicidal thoughts. I spent years thinking life sucked with a big fat capital “S“. In my mind life was a jail and often I thought about breaking free. I generally lived under a big ugly dark black cloud of my own making.

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0

Thanks

September 10th, 2008by jupiter

Thanks. In a very dark time this site helped me make the right decision.

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1

Fighting Suicide for years

August 24th, 2008by jsmcgold

I have been suicidal and have made several attempts over the last 4 years. I am severally depressed and have had a very hard time finding the help I need to get out of the thinking that it is okay to leave everyone behind because of the pain I feel. I have seen several doctors and all they want to do is put me on more and more medication. I have been on 22 different psychiatric drugs and quite a few at the same time. It wasn’t until March of this year I finally realized that I was over medicated and …

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0

August 22nd, 2008by xnevertoolate

I tried to commit suicide just over three years ago. once I had taken the pills I became terrified, I realized that I did not want to die .. I just wanted all of the pain and hurt to stop.

i’m glad i’m still here. I would have missed out on a lot. I still have days where i’m sad and sometimes I even think about suicide .. but I think a lot of that comes with life and clinical depression. but I also have days where I can smile, laugh and feel happy.

remember it’s never too late to reach out and get the help you …

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