Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

1

witness

May 14th, 2008by Survivor

Today happens to be my 34th birthday. I have been a survivor of debilitating depression since I was 19. I have forgotten the person I was. After 14 years of severe depression and all of the questions all of the odd looks all of the hopelessness and pain. All of those wasted years and potential. I am starting to feel better. Dr.s seemed to always give me a drug of limited effect in an insufficient dose and left me out to pasture. Higher doses of prescription drugs are what is helping me.
How the heck do I know how normal I should feel now after …

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My story

May 1st, 2008by Mary

I write because I am hoping that by simply writing, this intention will fade. Thirteen years ago, my father committed suicide. Soon afterwards, I made my first suicidal attempt. Two other suicidal gestures followed the attempt. At that time, I was seeing a psychologist twice a week. Now, years later, I not only do not have the financial means to seek psychological help, I feel less inclined to want to seek it. I have recently relocated to a new area. I am near sixty years old. My motivation for moving was to be closer to my …

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My story

May 1st, 2008by Mary

I write because I am hoping that by simply writing, this intention will fade. Thirteen years ago, my father mmitted suicide. Soon afterwards, I made my first suicidal attempt. Two other suicidal gestures followed the attempt. At that time, I was seeing a psychologist twice a week. Now, years later, I not only do not have the financial means to seek psychological help, I feel less inclined to want to seek it. I have recently relocated to a new area. I am near sixty years old. My motivation for moving was to be closer to my …

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Stop the Bullies

April 29th, 2008by StoptheBullies

I wouldn’t be the first or the last to commit suicide because of bullies. I’m intelligent. Talented. Get along well everywhere but in the office. My boss, a freak who was fired from a job 20 years ago for molesting dead bodies in a funeral home likes to send me out to accident scenes (I’m a journalist) to take body photos. He’s sick. It’s bad enough I have to go to fatalities, fires, murders, shootings and brains on the street but when I come back all they do is laugh and joke about it. None of them have to go. They sit around and joke …

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Balls.

April 19th, 2008by Ox

I’m not a social person. I don’t like being around people. Most of the time I think they’re judging me, thinking I’m weird or going to talk about me behind my back. I know they won’t but I think it anyway. So I avoid any kind of social situation. I just sit in my room all day…

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I am a disgrace and I am going to kill myself soon.

March 6th, 2008by mail704

I’m a student. all through high school and university and when I go around I am frequently approached by fairly attractive females. I send them all away because I am so frightened of them. The female teachers hit on me too as well as male homosexuals. I’ve never had a girlfriend and am still a virgin. I’ve spent a lot of time practising playing the guitar. Now I am pretty good. However I never go play for anyone because I’m so frightened. I played some songs for groups of people at school, college, in clubs etc. and was good. However I am just so frightened …

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third attempt

December 13th, 2007by coverinthebases

The cut was small.
And then it became deeper
and deeper
and deeper
The shiny white tendon in my arm began to burn as the blade took one nick after another.
The vien, like a hose, shot steady streams of blood onto the ground of my balcany like a pool.
Putting out one cigarette after another into the mirror of crimson liquid.

My cat walked by in the yard below, and all I could think was “Who is going to feed you if I die?”

Do any of you know what it feels like to have to clean up your own blood from a bathroom floor?
Do any of you know what it feels …

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It Came Back.

November 4th, 2007by Grey.

It came back. That cloud. The heavy, dark, consuming cloud of hopelessness. I have tried to kill myself on two occassions. Both using medication used to treat depression. Both times would have been successful had I not been found terribly drugged up. The second time I had a seizure as a result and lost a bit of my memory. How I wish I had lost more. I was in the hospital for months, “getting better.”. Then I got out, got another job, started upgrading some courses, even started having dreams again. That was a big sign for me that I had made it. I had …

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is this what we live for?

May 30th, 2007by themiserymachine

I sit here in this place of quiet and great knowledge. I sit here and I listen to the voices of those around me. Yet, I feel silence. The voices are distant. Far away from me, just like myself. Of course, I hear their words, but they mean nothing, as they have for so long. Until you feel the empty, you don’t know the meaning of alone. You don’t know the meaning of fear. They talk, and they live, and they love. They do not know these feelings that I feel. They do not experience …

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I just wish it was over

April 11th, 2007by kakky1950

I don’t think I would ever have the guts to do myself in, but I’m so very tired, I have much to be thankful for, but have suffered such loss. My mother died of cancer when I was 17, my father was murdered when I was 32, I am a cancer survivor and a single mother. My daughter is 26 and back home after a failed marriage. Mercifully, there are no children from her marriage, but mountains of debt. I have been at the same job in the county where I live for 32 1/2 years. I have the time …

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October 17th, 2006by Rachel

I live everyday felling sorry for myself, well i know that people must have it worse off but i just need this nightmare to be over, it’s like a vulture feeding off my flesh and any left happiness is being sucked out of me like a wirlpool of terror. The feeling gets stronger each day, and theres no-one i can talk to about it.
Thinking back to when i was younger, well it’s not hard, it only started a few years ago, it was so easy. But trying to imagine back to when my body was full of live, when i could walk around the …

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Alone

July 12th, 2006by jabmanc1987

i find it hard to write this, i feel silly as i have not had a hard life, my family is not extremely wealthy but we do ok, i had a good education and im now at univeristy. i suffered badly from depression wen i was younger and used to cut myself and attempted suicide a few times, although never seriosuly i think. however i thought id sorted myself out. yet since i have come home from uni 4 the summer i can feel myself slipping back into m old ways. i have started cutting again, which is so hard 4 me coz i cant …

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ridiculous

June 23rd, 2006by iamsickofthisalready

So it is all sort of really pointless if you really want to give someone a wake up call and you know better because people don’t change. Don’t put your head in a clothes bag in the closet and then bang on the wall when you start to lose air. He isn’t coming. He already heard you [sic- me] hitting your [my] head against the headboard about a 1000 times trying to knock yourself [myself] out (by the way he is in the loft next door and there are thin walls) and ignored you [me] then. He knew I probably wouldn’t have the courage and …

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i wish it was all over

September 11th, 2005by lostandhopeless

i rememeber the first mornin wen i woke up from getting of that plane, i was crying, shaking, dissrrientated. i had just flown from my home to another country, leavin my friends my familys, my life, to start over agaun. i didnt wana go i wanted to stay but i couldnt. wen i came i started using drugs, but that fuked up my mum, she got depression and ended up into hospital numerous time, so did my friend, she had an eating disorder and tried suicide numerous times. i found this so hard to deal and i wanted to die to, but i couldnt, …

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Everything is different behind a smile….

April 4th, 2005by Jraffles07

People think happiness is just found behind a smile, but behind a smile is alot more than happiness. For the past 15 and a half years I have hidden behind my smile. I have hidden my tears, my thoughts, and my fear of death. The habit of hidding my feelings began at a young age. As a young kid, I never really thought there was a need to express an opinion. Suicide was just a joke to me and thought nothing of it. When I was just five years old my mother filed for a divorce. By the time I …

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Tired of Living and ready to Die

March 5th, 2005by Essb

I dont know why I am writing here, it feels like waste of time. Pretty much how my life is anyway, a big waste of time. I ussually keep things inside because I believe people dont really care about much anyway other than to feel superior when someone else has problems. I never trusted people much anyway, lets face it people have instincts as much as animals, they will cut your throat to save there hide in most cases. Anyway I will share a little bit for what its worth. I hope you all believe in curses because its obvious to me that …

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So much pain

February 24th, 2005by kerria

Today i said goodbye formally to my therapist, he knows as well as i do that i’m not ever getting better. We lived divided too long. my life is a terrible mess. i can’t live with my family anymore- they’re too frustrated by my parts , all the forgetting , the crazy sobbing of kids inside.

My dog died this week. i never knew how important that dog was to my little ones inside. All there is is a deafening crying and “Where’s Chelsea.”? All day.
No one in my family understands how hard it is being a multiple- they think that i have demons and if …

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suicidal, again

October 12th, 2004by maryx

After four great years on Seraquel I pooped out on it five months ago. Since then my doc has tried three medicines and none have worked. I had almost forgotten what this was like (almost!). Four years of peace after a lifetime of hell. Now, back in hell again. Sixteen suicide attemps in five months. Today, I’m out of the hospital again, at least for a few days. It always takes a few days until I’m ready for the next one. I feel so hopeless again; there’s such terrible mental pain; I’m crying. I’m here alone again, and I want to die.

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About Suicidal Survivors

August 7th, 2004by SP Administrator

Use this category when you post your story if it’s related to your survival of a suicidal attempt (or someone you know’s survival).

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