Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

5

hope

  January 4th, 2009 by melzoom

To the Person Considering Suicide:
I can’t say I know exactly how you feel. But I’ve been there, at that place. 3 am in a quiet house. A sunny afternoon in a parking lot. A cloudy morning, sitting on the cold tile of a bathroom floor. The break lounge at work. The thought of escape, of leaving it behind seems like a viable and welcome choice.
When I am at that place where nothing seems to work and the only thing I want to do is give all the pain and hurt to someone else, I see no way …

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0

I am so TIRED of FM, I want my life back

  January 3rd, 2009 by maderd

Hi There, first time here.

When I was roaming this site I saw the suicide tab, and went to it. ‘Cause that is how I feel.

I am tired of this PAIN.

My ears – has a fax machine inside, God that noise, argh.

I feel useless, for my kids, my financials will not get better, no bonuses, no annual increase, no over time pay, etc.

I have to now sell my house for two reasons:
1) My parents have been subsiding the finances, but a lot more since I have been off work, (Dec 06) and they do not believe what is going on with me, …

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0

hopeless

  December 8th, 2008 by givhana

i am feeling like everything that i do is wrong and my parents are having marrige problems and i watched my momdye and i am still in love with my x girlfriend ai dated for 4 years and my dad and mom think that i can just stop feeling deppressed and my girl now is some help in dealing with my thoughts and i feel like it is my fault that my mom died when i was 16 and then my aunt terri died and my grandparents on both sides of my family died and then my unborn child and one of my x s …

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0

please

  December 5th, 2008 by ------

people love you
people care about you
people dont want to see you hurting

my dad didnt know that …he was ill, clinically depressed, i couldnt save him

i was only 10 but i feel the hurt every single day and im now 17
i have depression myself …but i refuse to let it beat me …i will not hurt people the way he hurt me … even though i love him i still hate him for what he did ..
i must sound like such a horrible person but i do hate him ='[[ it hurts me so much but i do …i cant help it …

i have an amzing …

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0

The Unforgiven Father

  December 5th, 2008 by stephanie

Hi my name is Stephanie. My father is someone you cant forgive right away. He’s always on my back, “Stephanie do this, Stephanie dont do that, Stephanie your stupid, Stephanie your an idiot, Stephanie jus go in a corner an die.” he never say;s anymore, “Good job Stephanie, I love you, your gorgeous, or Stephanie your a great sister.” Now it’s, “what’s wrong with you?, why are you so damn dumb?, why cant you jus be yourself anymore?” All I can think about is what is life like on the other side? I’ve tried many times to commit suicide. I havent actually followed threw with …

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0

Helpless

  November 21st, 2008 by cassie

Helpless was the only word that could truly describe how I felt.
My family never sees the good in me. All we ever do is criticize each other, and trust me- it gets old real fast. no one beats anyone on our family, but sometimes i think it would make things better. the verbal abuse is just… brutal. unbearable even. i often find myself tuning out their voices. telling myself “Its okay, Cassie, soon you’ll be gone. soon you wont have to hear this. soon you’ll be alone.” And i feel like, if they did hit me, i wouldn’t feel like i need to hurt …

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0

Will it ever end?

  November 17th, 2008 by Broken_wings

At 17, most people still view you as a child. At 17, I am still viewed as a child, even though i’ve seen more than any of my friends, even though i’ve wanted to die longer than anyone i know.

It started at a really young age i guess, i was about 7 when i first tried to hurt myself, my mum had this boyfriend and he seemed to enjoy beating her up in front of me and my brother. he scared me so much. i would cry myself to sleep most nights, rocking backwards and fowards to my mums sobs. One night, i sat …

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Reaccurance

  November 16th, 2008 by morgauna

I’m 40 now. My life hasn’t been an easy one. I first tried to commit suicide when I was 12, for what ever reason I did not succeed. However, from that point until I hit 30, I thought about it alot, I even made several more attempts, coming very close twice. I never sought help back then, I didn’t have insurance or enough money for help. I used self mutilation and marijuana as a means not to feel emotions. In my 30’s I seemed to have snapped out of it. I was so busy, I took on raising …

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0

I AM DEPRESSED

  November 4th, 2008 by iamhere

Thanks for the project and http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/, which lead me here as a torch bearer in my dark times. I was desperately searching for some help to keep me alive, then came the greatest advise for suicidal people on net.

I am depressed as the things are not at all going in my way. I do not know why it is happening, despite my several trials in different ways i am not able to find joy, though I have great dreams of living my life and helping my kids and wife, realising their dreams. I have lot of compassion for the people in …

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Suicide Prevention Day

  October 21st, 2008 by ChrisIris

Today is a day to talk about something people don’t talk about often enough.

When I attempted suicide I was staying in my mom’s basement, temporarily, and I decided it was the final move. I was very depressed, and I didn’t talk about it at all (except to thousands of anonymous faces on the Internet). She didn’t want to read about my disorder, and neither did my stepfather. There was a language barrier. And a willingness – they had their own idea of what bipolar was and didn’t want that challenged.

I had been depressed a long time and part of it was chronic, intrusive …

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3

i almost killed myself today.

  October 2nd, 2008 by nemo

i almost killed myself today. i was standing on the train platform, empty and so sad i just felt numb. the train appeared quickly and as it came nearer i started to think whether it was going fast enough to kill me and once i decided it was i had this really strange urge to just jump in front of it and end my life. the other people at the track faded out and all i could see was the subway lights and this massive blur coming towards me. suddenly i was calm and accutely aware that i was just a couple steps …

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0

Prepare for the Dark Side

  September 28th, 2008 by Christa

The majority of my life was spent in and out of a state of depression (I had my own zip code) and often, I was quite manic. I regularly experienced suicidal thoughts. I spent years thinking life sucked with a big fat capital “S“. In my mind life was a jail and often I thought about breaking free. I generally lived under a big ugly dark black cloud of my own making.

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Thanks

  September 10th, 2008 by jupiter

Thanks. In a very dark time this site helped me make the right decision.

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1

Fighting Suicide for years

  August 24th, 2008 by jsmcgold

I have been suicidal and have made several attempts over the last 4 years. I am severally depressed and have had a very hard time finding the help I need to get out of the thinking that it is okay to leave everyone behind because of the pain I feel. I have seen several doctors and all they want to do is put me on more and more medication. I have been on 22 different psychiatric drugs and quite a few at the same time. It wasn’t until March of this year I finally realized that I was over medicated and …

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  August 22nd, 2008 by xnevertoolate

I tried to commit suicide just over three years ago. once I had taken the pills I became terrified, I realized that I did not want to die .. I just wanted all of the pain and hurt to stop.

i’m glad i’m still here. I would have missed out on a lot. I still have days where i’m sad and sometimes I even think about suicide .. but I think a lot of that comes with life and clinical depression. but I also have days where I can smile, laugh and feel happy.

remember it’s never too late to reach out and get the help you …

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0

I did it….I hope you don’t.

  August 15th, 2008 by dontneedit

I am 14 today, August 15, 2008. Last year, I tried to kill myself. My life was hell. No one ever payed attention to me. No one like me. I was mad fun of for being a bisexual. I was kicked, cut, hit, thrown out of parties, almost drowned. I was abused. I tried everyday to keep going. But one day, I couldn’t handle it. I had always kept my emotions bottled up. I walked onto a free way and was hit by a van. I woke up in the hospital but soon passed out. I had died. They used a defibrillator and when I …

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Brooke’s Story

  August 4th, 2008 by X_Anonymous_X

Author’s Note: Everything in this story is completely true, including all the dates. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.

Brooke’s Story

So there’s this girlie Brooke. She’s my best friend, and she means the world to me. There’s no one else in the world who has her laugh, her smile, or her personality. She’s one of the best peeps ever, and I’m so glad to have her as my friend. She’s like, the happiest person that I know; always cheerful and ready to make you smile. And she wants to die.
See, Brooke is really depressed. Her dad’s death when she was …

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0

For My Own Protection

  July 13th, 2008 by unityexile

It had been ten months since my “date rape” by a police officer-in-training, five months since my mother’s death from a protracted battle with multiple cancers, and three hours since I succumbed to the grief of both by overdosing on whatever prescription drugs I could find in my roommate’s medicine cabinet. Now I lay immobilized in Atlanta’s busiest emergency room, unable to wipe the tears of terror that streamed down my face.

It wasn’t my first attempt at suicide—I had battled major depression since adolescence—but it was the first time I had ever sought medical assistance following such an episode. Having gone …

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love of a lifetime loss

  June 20th, 2008 by MJ

For the past 18 years I have been depressed off and on. I am now 31. Never been married and I don’t have any children. I am actually pretty successful compared to my friends and relatives. 8 years ago, the love of my life passed away suddenly from a motorcycle accident. The pain– the pain– the pain. I hurt everyday. I don’t think that I can have a “normal” romantic relationship with anyone because I still love him. He was the love of my life. I never told him how I really felt. Nor have …

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0

Bah

  June 16th, 2008 by yutz

I’m in my mid-thirties, I’ve got a decent career, money in the bank, girlfriend, no major responsibilities other than getting my current projects in on time, no major health problems yet, yet I think of suicide almost daily.

Nothing feels good. I’ve got the trappings of a good life, but I get no reward from it, which magnifies the day-to-day obstacles and makes them a thousand times worse. Most people’s status quo is to be generally happy. It feels like my status quo is to be in a state of despair, or panic. Socialization doesn’t feel good. Work doesn’t feel good. I’ve started taking antidepressants, …

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