Hi guys, my name is Bianca and this is a story of my struggles with anxiety, depression, bipolar, anorexia, and then SUICIDE. when i was 6 my parents abandoned me at the doorstep of a strangers house. The last thing they said to me was that they hated me… That i was a mistake… that i was a disappointment… then they drove away. the people who owned the house saw and heard the whole thing and took me inside. I lived with them for 3 weeks then the put me in the hands of social services to find me a forever home. I stopped eating, […]
I want someone to actually have a discussion with me but apparently it can only happen when someone truly cares.
It seems the world is full of individuals who focus solely on themselves. Turn to focus on another and you will find yourself truly forgotten.
I haven’t ever been seen by anyone.
I’m completely lost in the dark and I have no direction out.
There is a bridge not terribly far from me I think about. It’s about 700ft to the bottom.
I have messed up myself and my life and I’m coming to realize, it’s because I’m an idiot. How does an idiot change anything?
This bridge could change it all.
A land filled with cries and screams
Will never slither into my dreams
And the tenacious snakes of man
Can never suffocate my broken hand
A lifelong stay in corrupted flesh
Brings distorted views unable to rest
And skies obscured by blackened clouds
Shadow the ground in lifeless shrouds
A child’s blood cannot paint or write
On the pages of pavement’s faded white
And a blinded mind can’t see or read
Without clear, unmarred eyes to lead
And a world losing its only sentry
Means nothing to one who lies empty
It’s been 3 years at the very least since I darkened the doors to these hallowed halls. Never one to trespass for very long, my stay here was brief and … neurotic to say the least. I came here as a child looking for answers to questions I did not know how to ask, because of this I think my wandering mind took more liberties than was justly its due. I will not recount the sins I have committed here because then the post would be too long and require a tl;dr, and besides, for the sins I fail to recount I would just be […]
…even if the girl was happy and smiling and had her arms seemingly lovingly around him while the guy has a straight face and stands there like a seemingly lifeless entity. He isn’t even touching her at all, let alone has his arms around her. Man, if this isn’t a joke this has gotta be one of the most off wedding pics i’ve seen!
Then again, I’ll probably never have any kind of wedding before I die… :/
Oh well. I hope all goes well for them.
Cake is NOM!!!!
i don’t feel the need to use this site anymore. how do i delete it?
Speaking to you made me smile
With a joy so juvenile
Each sentence would make me laugh
I would cherish every paragraph
Even though we lived so far apart
You had a tight grip upon my heart
But now that it’s time for us to depart
Is when my pain truly will start
Hello, I’m the one who’s lost their smile
It’s been gone for quite awhile
Driven off by arguments and harsh words
It’s now gone, exactly what I deserve
I couldn’t sleep last night so I wrote a thing to try to help with that…. I hate it and it sucks. Yet I feel like sharing it because I […]
hush little baby , you’re almost dead
you don’t have a pulse and your pillow is red
your family hates you , your friends let you bleed
sleep tight with a knife , it’s all that you need
rockabye baby , broken and scarred
you didn’t know life would be this hard
time to end the pain that you hid so well
and down will go baby , straight back to hell
Beauty cuts the flesh of the beholder,
Nobody will ever notice the girl in the corner.
Knocking on her door; cloaks dark but he’s charming,
Death is more inviting than their warm arms.
Look at me from the outside and tell me, “she has nothing to be sad about, her life is great!” and I say, “step inside my mind for a day and tell me the same thing tomorrow” You cant.. because living in the turmoil, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, obsessive brain that is mine will make you be happy you live in your own head. I cant even remember the last time I felt genuine happiness, and its getting pretty frustrating to wake up and hurt all the time. I want nothing more than to feel okay, to not feel anguish or suicidal. Just for one stinking […]
hello everyone.. it’s been a very long time since i’ve been on this site, even longer since i’ve felt like i’ve truly needed it, but here i am. i’ve done what i promised myself over and over that i wouldn’t do, but i couldn’t help it. my mind is too strong, pure willpower can only get you so far.
so everyone understands, here’s my story and why i’m about to do what i’m about to do, but before i say anything, please do not feel bad for me. pity is the last thing i need or want right now. everything i’m about to explain has been […]
little update on myself life has been a bit easier for me but not always ive started to write a book about my whole life experience and everything ive been through to see if i feel better about myself sometimes i feel empty and dont know why but there this missing part in my life which effects me so much to the point i break down and cry because i dont know what to do anymore see i feel used i feel lost i feel nothing.
I woke up and this video was playing. I think the cats were crawling all over my keyboard while I was asleep. I feel like they were trying to tell me something, but I have no clue what it could be. Just remember…. it could always be worse. You could be that guy and also eat cute animals.
Being really close to Big Death lately. Flashbacks being the worst they have ever been, feeling like I am dying and His disgusting tongue/ censored body parts against my six years old body.
Me realising I was never going to succeed at being the woman my parents expect me to be, because I never felt that way (euphemism trying not to use the forbidden word trans but too late, I did). Plus realising my parents are narcissist and that I don’t really miss them. I miss the family I never had, the hypothetical person I could trust. No shrinks, the only close friends I have live […]
Hello guys. Does anyone remember me? I thought I would never rant here again but here we go I guess… Fking insomnia.. I havent slept or eaten in 2 days and nights and damn I feel really bad. My furst girlfriend had just left me.. We were stull making up like 3 days ago.. Then she would just not talk to me for the whole day when we were out together so I asked whats wrong. And bcs I was drunk I also asked how she really feels about me. Turns out the answer was not what I expected… I really dont get […]
I’ve recently noticed an increase of people attempting to talk to me and get to know me. Sometimes it’s a stranger walking my way while I’m headed to class. Sometimes it’s a person only known through my parents who suddenly gets the desire to talk to me. And even more jarring, I’ve recently made two friends in a short span of time, after not having anyone show interest in me several years prior. The whole thing became extremely jarring to me, and on more than one occasion I began to assume where their intentions lied. I hate to say it, but while I should feel […]