I know we didn’t spend much time together and I wish we could have spent more. But I was so scared of breaking you. I hope your heart is holding up good after those surgeries all those years ago. I honestly fear one day it won’t be. I hope that day never comes. I don’t want to lose you permanently. I remember you coming home from Toronto all fixed up and mom saying how we have to pick you up a certain way […]
**this is for a specific person, mostly just me rambling n ranting before i kill myself**
im writing this at about 1//2 am, june 12, 2019, im not home so i dont have data or wifi. im in the middle of nowhere montana. i dont know if this ever gonna make its way to you, im debating on sending it in the morning but i dont know if i will, i know its going to be really rambley and long n probably annoying and borderline lovey? so i might just post it on the forum in the morning, i havent decided. morning edit: ive decided to […]
I just conquered that one fear I always had. The fear of opening up completely to someone. I just told someone that I like him and that I would want us to give it a shot. And it felt good. I never knew this feeling actually exists.
And when he told me that he actually loves me, man was it heaven. I knew somewhere deep in my subconscious, fear is creeping in. But fuck it, I want to give this a try.
So, assuming the main reason I haven’t killed myself yet is fear, fear of what? The experience of dying for a start. Presumably I’d fall unconscious fairly quickly with what I have in mind. Perhaps feeling a bit lightheaded or nauseous beforehand. But what if there’s a surge of panic when I feel it kicking in? What if I reflexively abort it halfway through, and end up with permanent brain damage?
Supposing I do get to the point where I lose consciousness, and my brain cells start dying off…what’s that like? Is it actually like anything? Is there a sudden flood of activity as parts of […]
I have a recurring dream. Where the dream takes place varies, but it is familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.
I am running. Running away or towards something. Through buildings, up and down stairs and hallways. Then outside. Through bad neighborhoods and my own familiar streets. I’m never tired. I just keep on running.
i can’t believe that i am saying this, but i have a date tonight. yikes! xox
A bear makes its way into suburbia. Big news story. Schools on lockdown. Officials trying to track it down. They claim to want to relocate the bear. Likely they will end up killing her.
I feel like that bear. In the wrong place. Wrong everything. Being chased by a faceless demon. If only I could be relocated. My demon wants me dead.
Welp, I’m spending a lot of money now…. More than I should, I don’t even make money either -_-
I should just curl up and die, I don’t really have anybody to even spend time with anymore….
I just kind of sit alone at home all day, and sometimes buy things and try to convince myself that they may give me a thing to do with other people one day. I know that’s not true. And I did cut again last month, I think I’ve already mentioned that here though -_- I have been tempted to cut again I know it would help but I also know […]
Families are always rising and falling in America, thats the one thing that stuck with me from the movie ‘Departed.’ it seems like ever since I was born my family has been falling. I wish things were different but if i dwell too much on it I’ll just end up trying to OD on pills again. Anxiety and Depression can be a *****. Im trying to cope with it all. And writing it down helps.
So, i saw an old new years resolution of mine and I’m proud to say I did learn how to cook hehe
Also, I’m proud of myself for stopping myself from drinking more than necessary to avoid making people uncomfortable with my suicidal drunk stage~ And I had a legit fun weekend with my classmates during our trip~ And I connected with people and ate healthily and complete!
Also, new the site has a new UI, it’s really cool. Thank you hehe
hello. I am new to this website, so I apologize if I screw something up in writing this..
I’m 23ish, and still living with one of my parents. I’ve had depression and anxiety for around 9 years now, and I still haven’t managed to find solid footing. not much has helped manage the symptoms. I’ve tried different medication, different therapies, and even some illegal/legal drugs to try to mitigate it. the three things that have helped me the most thus far, has been my dog, pot and coffee. I’m not thrilled about being in a cycle of coffee and pot everyday, but it gets me up […]
Excuse me. Is your name Larry?
I see you at the bar sometimes. You play Keno, right? Do you ever hit big? Yeah? No, I don’t know how to play.
Anyway, the reason I’m asking is because I saw someone who looked like you on the bridge the other night when I was driving home. Looked like you were going to jump. No? Not you? Sure had me fooled. You drive a white Dodge pickup with a flag in the back window, right? I knew it was you. What made you change your mind?
I’ve been doing pretty good lately. I’m in a happy relationship, and I’m going to college this year. Everything’s been pretty good. Yes, I still can’t help ut feel like there’s no point anymore. So yeah I’m happy, but I know that it doesn’t matter because later I’ll be sad again. All good things come to an end right? And there’s still so much going on in my life that hasn’t bene resolved and everyone says “Wait for it.” but it hasn’t happened yet. I’ve spent my whole life waiting. I’m tired. I really am.
There would be none with happy endings; only the fortunate, blessed with a few happy chapters.
It was several years ago, OK more than that!, I was with a group of friends and we went to Big Bear mountain to have a little fun.
One of the things to do other than snow skiing was horse back riding, we decided to do that!
The place we went to rent horses had exactly as many horses as in the group, It was around nine.
The man renting them asked did anyone in the group have any experience riding horses?
Of course I said I DO! I was a trail master once!
( What Rocketman didn’t say was, where he was working with the horses, they were like […]
I feel worthless because I’m old and too anxious to get anything done. I’m afraid that my life will be over before I can recover. I sometimes feel like I should end it so I can stop worrying about it.
I’m so scared. No I’m horrified, I need help. I burst out in a fit of anger and I was just so mad.. I can’t do this. Everything I do fails. Every time I’m finally happy it all come crumbling down. I don’t want to live like this. I can’t live like this. I scared my roommate. I scared myself. All because of some man next door. I work in a place where I’m abused and degraded every day. I come back to a house that I can’t even call home. I try and I try and I just can’t anymore. I know I’ll be […]
Im going to do it, Ive decided I want to die more than anything. I confided in my brother that my plan was to give my family one last memory of me happy on my holiday so I can feel less guilty about killing myself and he brushed me off, it was my last cry for help, I let my guard of a happy go lucky 18 year old down and told him and he brushed me off so im done yep im going to hang myself. does anyone know how to call emergency servies on a delay because I don’t want some six year […]
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.