Hi there, I’d love to share with you the Philosophy YT channel “Academy of Ideas” and especially these 3 videos from it, I hope you find them useful and interesting!!
I’m getting tired of them humoring me. I feel like I’m being treated like a child. And the worse part is I can’t say anything about it because they’re right to. I get upset easily and I know they mean nothing by it but it will still upset me. The more days that pass the more I think I am better off alone or dead. I do nothing except cause people problems.
I’m a weirdo. Totally just quoting a song by Radiohead but that’s exactly how I feel when I just got rejected by my crush and I still live with my mom at 23 years of age. I’m a pathetic man. ????
I was so drunk recently that I actually reached out to an old bully. He was really cool but I wonder if he could sense how drunk I was. I’m about to go to jail for a DUI accident too. My life is a joke.
4/25/18 was the last time I wrote on here… and boy has so much happened since then. I was finishing up 8th grade after getting out of a high focus center (which did nothing for me) I was finishing middle school and getting ready for high school. I guess I was okay around that time, although I still would self harm, but I forgot about this account. But freshman year I lost my v-card to my next door neighbor who I still have feelings for, I had gotten a boyfriend who actually met my whole family but later crushed my heart by cheating on me […]
What’s under the bed?
It terrifies me
The very idea
To be near it
To stand near it
To lay near it
My very own
Flash before me
They flash before me
The very idea
Beneath the bed
When it comes to suicide you have to really want it in order to succeed. I look back on my own biography and the suicide attempts I undertook and I have to ask myself the question “did I really want it? Was my heart really in it? Any man who chooses sleeping pills has really answered NO to those two questions. How mentally ill was I to choose sleeping pills? I’ve paid dearly for that choice and will continue to. I could of avoided ten years of hell but no I had to be stupid enough to go with pills, the least effective method known […]
I wish for
without feeling bad
without want to suicide
ok so a bit of backstory to the question first. im watching river monsters and a child got eaten by piranhas (piranhas theyre from the amazon (sorry for the nemo reference it just kinda popped in my head))
anyway my question: if someone is dying and you have the chance to save them, do you?
morally the answer is well yeah duh. but if they are dying they will most likely (depending on the cause obviously) will be really messed up, either physically mentally or both. is letting them live the rest of their life like that really better then leaving them for dead?
Today OI’m actually kind of sad. MAN FUCK THIS WORLD. I just had to buy an expensive car that lord know how I’m gonna pay for due to my roommate needing rides. I wish I was already in a good place in life where I could afford this but the truth is that I’m not. Literally don’t know where else to post this. OH and as for the old car it took a big old shit on me and my life. FUCK PATRICIA ( MY OLD CAR) the repairs will cost me about 3500 plus 600 for a miss fire she has. So I need […]
My lovely bluebird
My cute dove
And all your likes
Spread your wings and soar
High above the trees
Spread your wings
Soar high above the land dwellers
Theyll watch in envy as your wings graze the heavens
Ill watch from below
From below the land dwellers
As your feathers graze the heavens
Ill use them
Ill thank you
Your feathers replacing mine
Your feathers repairing
Hopefully Ill soar
Hopefully well soar
Above the heavens
Not suicide related
I feel like I’m on such rocky ground with my ex, although I kinda always was.
He recently cut ties with a couple of local friends he had, due to disagreements (won’t put the topics here). He told one of them to ‘fuck off’. The two friends were also friends with each other. I think my ex has been blocked online by both of them now.
I’m really wondering inside if I actually caused any of this, but not like I cant tell my ex that, he’d just tell me I’m being silly and worrying too much if I did. 😛
He’s also […]
It’s hard not to have these suicidal thoughts every day. I don’t have a solution for my problems after all this time. How much more can I hold on? I don’t know.
There are so many events that stain the soul,
That create a mental prison of infinite pain and remorse, a chasm in my mind deeper than Mariana’s trench.
How does one undo their own terrified actions wrought with the confusion of age and inappropriate exposure?
How does one reconcile all the feelings of self hatred for things they don’t understand and didn’t.
How do you live with yourself even though you attempt to define your moral compass with the utmost ethos possible.
How do you live with yourself?
How do you ever come to accept yourself as a person […]
Just sitting in the dark again. and Jodi Foster saying “Kanshas Shitty Homshide” on Silence of the Lambs.
interesting analogy^ i came across this article sometime in 2018, thought i’d add a few lines of my own and share it here.
observe the images carefully. the one on the left is A and the one on the right is B.
the black box represents a person. the green ball represents grief/pain that a person undergoes. the red […]
depression wave is tidal,
the ache is suicidal.
let me off the ledge,
a life lived on edge,
anxiety out of control,
the hell has swallowed me whole,
wallow as I wake,
I can’t take another day.
Too broken to ever unbreak.
The coos cold echoes,
sweet terrible whispers,
life feels pointless,
I feel subjugated.
yet there is tomorrow,
and tomorrow, and even a tomorrow after that.
It feels impossible to be comfortable,
it makes each breath a painful exhale,
it makes each smile feel hollow,
wishes spent and moot over birthday cakes,
and it takes.
yet there are moments to live and feel alive,
and when they come full circle,
we again rise.
(A response to hopelessness)
And my fellow torches
Deep within the caverns
And my fellow torches
At the entrance
Is it burning bright?
Has it been burning bright?
Has it been cold
Light my torch
To a crisp?
Drown my torch
How am I to get it back?
Through the bottomless sea
Through the fire
Behind the island
Behind the boulder
Deep within the Earth
Where can it be?
Whatever has become of them?
I often find myself wondering: is there some other version of me, amid the countless alternative universes, who is able to interact with others in a functional way. And if so, what are the differences that allow them to do that? Are there things I could learn, so that I too can deal with people without behaving like a pathetic weirdo?
It feels like a disposition I was born with. So maybe all the versions that share my dna are isolated losers. But perhaps some had some life experience that jolted them out of that. I don’t know what that would be. What would it take […]
i’m gonna swear a lot, bear with me. it’s 22:22. no one’s enjoying this lockdown. but i seem to like it. university’s shut down, i’m away from toxic people. i’m on my phone, laptop and ps4 for almost the whole fucking day. i’m an 18 y/o guy btw, but it’s super tough living with my family. maybe you’ve heard of a “conservative hindu” family, maybe you haven’t. i REALLY don’t like talking about my family to anyone. not even my closest friends know exactly what i’m going through. i have a strained relationship with my dad from 2011. fucker used to beat me a lot, […]
In the end we all die anyways. The only thing we can control is when and how.
Conversation I had and my thoughts:
Question: How have you been feeling lately?
Unspoken truth: I’m still suicidal, just not drowning in a pit of despair like I was. I don’t feel the urge to jump in front of a semi right now. The sinking feeling has lessened. That’s still better than I was though.
Question: What about the other thing, are you still cutting?
Response: I don’t know.
Unspoken truth: I love the feeling, the pain, and the feeling of relief […]