Everyday of my life is to please everyone else. But for every fake smile i put on my face to fool the stupid people i see, the more i die inside. I cant take it anymore. Being the “nice guy” never helped me with anything. I always have girls tell me “You’re way to nice”, and i ask “Is there something wrong with that?”, and they always say “Nah, i just wish i had a guy like you”. Well why dont they ever want me? They always say they want a nice guy, but then they go after the big douche bag that treats her […]
Phone rings
Don’t wanna pick it up
I’m so scared
I’m gonna say too much
I tip toe around your questions
Why you gotta dig so deep?
Tears fall
And the glasses break
Inside these walls
The floor boards shake
From outside
It’s alright
Long as you looking from fifty feet
I been trying trying
Hold my head up high
I been lying lying
Keeping it all inside
Trying not to trust you, yeah
Take another leaf, I’m broke yeah yeah?
I’m done, I give up
I don’t wanna pretend no more
That’s it, so what
I’ve lost a friend before
Gonna say it like it is
No […]
This really pains me to say this but…….I’m a pedophile or maybe a board-line/recovering pedophile if that exist. That’s just one of the reason I hate myself so much. To give u a quick run down of my disaster life it goes like this:
· I’m in my twenties
· Never had a girlfriend
· Super depress (obviously suicidal)
· Masturbate two-three times a day
· Small group of friends
· Tried therapy
· Tried medications
· Self help book
· Even hypnosis
· All & all basically a total definition of a loser
The worst part is that I’m entrusted with the care of a beautiful little girl who is the daughter of a close […]
i feel like only my body is here. because i am completely empty all the time. all i do is sit in my house, with a self expression of just nothing it doesnt look as if i am in the room. i wont sleep properly because i can’t, i can’t eat, i stopped taking my medication because i just can’t take it it doesn’t make me feel better. i’m going crazy at almost everything, all my friends have gone, i can’t even stick a person being in a room with me for half hour, i’m always completely alone and i’d rather just not be here. […]
I have been obsessed with someone for the last 4 years. All he did was lead me on and no matter what I couldn’t walk away. He is all I think about. I just want to see him, talk to him and be with him. He’s been ignoring my texts and he treats me like shit. I have tried hundreds of times to move on, I have gone through months without talking to him and throughout that time I broke down and refused to talk to anybody, I just stayed in bed listening to music and cried non stop. He always talks to me again […]
I envy most of you beucase you have god as a net for when you fall. I dont believe in god so my fall has no bottom I have been inside the lowest nihilism and lost the motivation to self harm I have felt like just laying still in my bed forever. I believe that hen i die I am gone forever Religion has actually been a large cause of my problems becuase It showed me that humanity is gulible and that they will murder over somthing thats core message is love and peace.
To me the only way to live is to say its my life and I will do what ever I fucking feel like doing. If I don’t want to go to school I dont go, If I feel like going outside at 3am I say fuck the curfew. I will no longer have anybody ever again tell me what to do and I will personally clash with anybody telling me otherwise. I dont give a fuck about societies norms and expectations and Fuck getting a job. I am obligated to absolutely fucking nothing at all becuase I didnt even choose to live this life. If […]
It never ends… It’s always so damn constant, I try to hide it with laughter and jokes but it gnaws away at my core, it’s a gap a never ending void and regardless of the amount of drugs or alcohol I consume its there. I’m tired of it I want to live but not like this, envy am I of those who can live so happily. Fulfilling their duties as one rots away wishing for an unknown something. Regardless of how much I would like to rid humanity of my self, my childrens laughter lifts the burden if only for one more day. I wonder […]
Today I was braver than I have been in a long time.
Last year I began starving and throwing up to lose weight. It became a major problem but I made sure no one told. It got better for a few weeks, then took a plunge in December. Coaches, teachers, and friends grew extremely concerned, but I tried making everyone believe I was fine. They saw through me and I started having routine visits to our guidance counselor to check up on me. I lied to her. She found out I lied. I was forced into counseling. At first, I thought I would try, but I […]
i dont think i cant do this anymore,i have to phisically confide my self inside my apartment or i will run, i will leave, and the cops will catch me, the only way people wont be able to control me anymore is if i kill myself,they will never let me off commitment,i will never get to move to california,i cant live like this for the rest of my life,all i think about is california, or getting recommited then taking sleeping pills and laying on the rail road tracks,and no the train driver would never know he hit me cause it would be dark outside,im going […]
the past few days have been a blur really… like its all just a dream.. tho i know its not.. my brain is all jumbled up.. i try to think and i freak out a bit becuz it just get worse.. ugh life.. i go to the doctors today for my seconds check up about my depression.. hopefully it goes good… i feel so lost.. so very very lost in this world… i have no idea where im going..
-RawrImaTurtle…..
I have my blog. But people on there know who i am.. so i need to vent. Here it goes.. I am done with this bull shit. I am trying so hard to stop the hurt.. You know what i honestly want to know when people want to stop my hurt. Because i am right back to were i was in the begging.. I LOVE CUTTTING!! do you fucking people here me.. I love it… so stop making me stop. If i want to stop i will stop!!!. if i want help i will get it.. yesterday i weighed my self i am 141… You […]
Right now you’re sitting in your room, all alone and feeling sad. There are a thousand things you know you could do that will cheer you up, but you can’t find the energy to do any of them. And so you just sit there and feel sad. You’d listen to music, but you know that won’t take your mind of things. Because the music you like has words and emotions, right now you can barely speak and can’t help feeling nothing but apathy for the world and everyone in it. Nothing matters and it’s all pretty meaningless. And then you’re suddenly thinking about the meaning […]
nowhere on the paper for my commitmanet does it say i need to be social and get into the community,i have the list, of every rule i have to follow, why dont them controlling fucks just put down every rule possible so the list becomes longer then both my arms put together,its such a lie, if you follow these rules youll get off, how can i wen they come up with a new one every time?fuck them,if my body is to stubern to keel over and die then im gonna live,and im gonna do whatever the fuck i want,sick of people,i would try to get […]
I’m guessing it’s because so many people in the world don’t have internet access, what do you think?
I struggled with the confusing feeling of liking someone that was very close to me for a long time.
I realised my attraction too late, ignored the signs and now we have both moved on.
She is and will always be the one that got away.
It wasn’t until recently that I reaslied I liked her in that way.
I recognised that the way I treated her was special, I felt like I wanted to hold her all the time and kiss her. But that still didn’t really help me understand what I truly thought of her in that moment.
I have kissed other girls […]
Guys I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. Am I straight or am I “bisexual”? Like I know I would never go out with a girl, but I would do things with them. So does that make me “Bisexual” or do I just like to have “fun” ?
I’ve lost someone to suicide. It’s the most enraging experience I’ve been through. There is always that little part of you that can never grieve or get over it, because they chose to end their life. It’s one of the most selfish acts I’ve ever know.
So then, how did I end up thinking about it? First objectively – I don’t want to die, don’t be stupid. I can just understand why some people feel it’s their only way out.
Then, less objectively – I still don’t want to die, per se. I just want to be someone else. I have no idea how I managed to […]
Empty streets, forsaken buildings,
Numbing sleet, deficient shielding,
Foundations crumble,
Hollow grounds rumble,
Lonely and lost,
Pale, cold and humble,
A dull pain in his mind,
While his absent hands fumble.
Sitting alone in the midst of a broken city,
He deserves some care, some love and pity,
A fallacy – his sorry image might delude,
When observing this twisted being in solitude.
The failing architecture that surrounds him,
Tall and formerly grand,
Built with the ingenuity,
Of warmer hands.
Drops of sorrow fall on shattered road,
Unrestrained anguish, where rain once flowed.
The cooling liquid,
That runs from […]