I swear if i hear one more person tell me im young and too naive to truly grasp what life is really about im going to go on a killing spree (not really, but im definitely going to scream at the top of my lungs) i have honestly had more life experience than most of the “adults” i know. ive had to deal with things most people could never even imagine, most things people would NEVER even want to imagine. Ive had to be strong in situations ive seen “adults” just crumble to pieces in. Who do you think takes care of the “adults”? we […]
i know a lot of people come on here and just complain…and then some other guy comments something inspirational, like those few words are really going to make up for a life full of pain, regret, and anger? i understand tho, im always that friend who tells them that their is always something to live for, im usually that person who tries to say something inspirational and save the day. But if i dont even believe in the crap im dishing out why should anybody else? am i that convincing? Or are my friends just so surprised that a pretty face can have brains too? […]
Why cry now
You never noticed me before
It’s too late now to claim you care
I’m six feet under
Silk-lined box and all
I banged and banged to get your
attention
But you never heard me
Never paid attention
Now that I’m gone you wonder
What you could have done
Well you could have done everything
you never did
But now you can start by walking
away
I’m no longer here
Don’t cry a tear
Because I no longer live in fear
I took your pain
And protected you
You never once thought that I needed
you
You weren’t there before
I don’t need you now
So please just walk away
Without a single tear
Because you never truly cared
Don’t fake it today
I look to you for protection
But there I find none
I look to you for love
But the search has just begun
I lie awake and wondering
What is it that I’ve done
To make you dislike me
To make you want to run
Please just tell me
What it is I have done
As the razor slashes deep
Every cut unique
Blood pours to the floor
And I hurt no more
Now as I lie here asleep
I pray that not a tear you weep
For pain no longer burdens me
I know it’s hard to understand
How life can deal such a cruel hand
But so you know it’s no one’s fault
this was my own plan
So here I lie
Peaceful at last
I’m sorry that I just couldn’t last
This fight was too much for me to bare
So please don’t shed not a tear
For here I am at peace
Finally a restful sleep
Please don’t cry for me
For now I feel no pain
As I lie here and wait
For the service to begin
Please don’t shed a tear
For you never really did
I’m at peace now
You torment me no more
Don’t pretend to care
Now that I lie here dead
You didn’t when I was alive
I sure don’t need you now
For the first time in my life
The restful peace I find
No longer haunted by the dreams
Of dying every night
As you walk into my room
I simply just close my eyes
I go into my own little world
And all the pain subsides
As you smash my face
A few tears come from my eyes
And you begin to smile
You think it’s fun
What you’ve doing
So go ahead
And have your fun
As I lie here and die
As I lie awake at night and cry
All I see when I close my eyes
Is the face that haunts my life
You wanted me dead
But not this way
Because is not at your hand
But mine
You can’t take a life
That’s already gone
So here I lie
Dead inside
Hello Jesus
It’s been a long, long time
I hope that you still know me,
I’ve been hiding quite a while
I know that you know all things
Still, I think I should explain,
The reason I’ve been hiding
is because of all the shame.
I know that I don’t look so great
For meeting up with you
But I hope you understand
I’ve been alone since I was five.
You probably see the dirt marks
And smudges on my face
But it seems no matter how I try
Some things can’t be erased.
They say that eyes are windows
That peer into the soul.
I’m afraid to that if you look there,
You’ll find it dark and cold.
I’m not sure why it is, […]
The frigerator full of coke
The shelf full of rum
I go to bed and in my head,
I just know he’s going to come.
For my dear old Dad, has made me sad,
By playing house with me,
And you can bet, I can’t forget,
All the things he’s done to me.
For he’s robbed me of my purity,
And he’s stripped me of my pride,
He took from me my virginity,
And he ruined me inside.
It makes no sense my innocence,
Was forced to take a tragic fall.
I don’t know why but I know that I,
Have become my daddy’s doll.
I’m so confused for I’ve been abused,
And I don’t think he will stop.
It sounds absurd but […]
And into the world stared these gleaming blue eyes
Which she saw past its dimension and only despised
This beauty she portrayed everyone had seen
But disguised sadness she made it serene
The greatest flaw that had filled her heart
Perfection only the beginning, just the start
With blonde fine long hair hit right beneath her
waist
Glass mirror she had feared she now turned to face
The pale white skin was now deep within her reflection
And enemy she had seen, with this girl had no
connection
Tears streamed down and began to hit the sink
Matched the blood that seeped now combining to
pink
Cutting she thought was her only escape
From the horrid memories of […]
As I lie in bed at night
The door begins to squeak
Footsteps I hear creak
The bed goes down
With a climbing sound
As you begin to creep
You climb on top
The covers retract
Here you go make your move
Smashing fist
Bloodied face
Screams that pierce the room
Clothes come off
And there you go
The nightmare hits the road
Start to finish
As I scream
You just dig right in
The louder I scream
The harder you pound
And there seems to be no end
As the room begins to darken
The breathing comes to an end
Unconscious I lie once again
Wakened now by the sun
Glowing on my skin
Stinging feelings begin
Sometimes I feel like I’m pretty and smart but then I look in the mirror and every name I’ve ever been called just comes flashing back to me and I try to be strong but I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to deal with this anymore, I don’t want to be me anymore. I tried reaching out to someone in real life but she thought I was kidding and she doesn’t understand. She’s never felt like this for a day in her life. I understand that I’m not the only one to feel like this, but I’m the only one here, where I […]
I’ve been through a ton of things lately, right now I’m really depressed and I just wanna throw it out there since no one else will listen, I fucking hate where I’m at and I want to go back home I’m on the east side of the country and I belong on the west. Not gang related, just two different sides of the World and I belong on one, not in between, not on the East, but on the West. I messed up, I did drugs, I disrespected myself I disrespected the people I lived with when I lived in the West. I became manic […]
The thought and feelings crept back in. I was depressed and suicidal before, but got through it. I learned to live and be happy. I mean, I thought I was happy. I never really know how I feel. It seems that I see how I should feel rather than having feelings. It’s all a mask to cover up the gaping void within me. I’m an empty vessel. I function within the world as anyone would, but I am no one. And I don’t mean I want to be appreciated because people make me feel like no one. Just, I’m inside my brain, and I can […]
I don’t even know why I’m here right now, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hear nothing but the same everyday, tedious, asinine commentary that hums along relentlessly. I have no one to talk to about anything remotely real or of any interest to me. I don’t care about anything; I just want this to be over. All I’m capable of feeling is misery, zombie-like boredom and some fake short-lived ecstacy . I just have no appreciation for life; absolutely nothing makes me feel genuinely happy. I’ve lived my life in those brief moments, however fleeting, and once I come down I only feel worse […]
What if the kids from school read this?
Will they make fun of me more? Will they beat me up?…AGAIN? Will they think I am just a poser? What will they think of me? If they think I am a poser, they can go get in line. I have my scars for my proof. I have too many scars to be a poser. And no they are not just bike-crash scars. They are cutting scars. I have been cutting my self for a while, trying to work up the nerve to just end it. End my suffering. End the sad thing I call my life. Too […]
So…i made a friend. I had started doing better…the black thoughs came less and less. The cutting and thoughts of cutting had completely stopped and for the first time in a long time my skin color was returning to its normal color…it ends today. The depression is back and worse than ever…I cant go through it this time…not again…not alone like before. This is why im back
To let go
The mass – now too great to endure
Arms weary and swollen
Thwarting the barrier’s fall since birth
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 Drained
limbs are lowered
Spirit broken
The partition falls
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One last turn . . .
One last time. . .
One final gaze. . .
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Leaving all that is good in the world behind
Stepping over the rubble of the once great wall
To the other side
Where the soil grows only indiscretion
And torment
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If only . . .
Another rootless soul wanders along . . .
Places limbs upon the wall . . .
Allowing a brief […]